March 2013 - still too sleep deprived to think of a funky title

[StormyBrid]

Old thread here.

We seemed to be running out of space (again) so I made us a new thread.

Big hugs to everyone having a shitty day dealing with shitty people. You are all fab parents ignore hv, OHs etc.

Just a quick post. Im having a shitty day. DS moaning even though ive gone through the checklist. I even gave him calpol just in case it was teething and he spat it right back out. I think ds is the only baby in the world who hates calpol. He also wants continous play getting bored quickly and fighting daytime naps.

No temperature plonky, but she's chewing anything and everything now, so I think it may be her teeth. Interesting to hear the babysaurus is going through the same. Perhaps it's just a phase they forgot to tell us about.

Poached eggs and nutella? Yum. Assuming they weren't together.... in which case I'd be asking if there was anything you needed to tell us

Worse, food intake up the pictures here as well and sleeping for England. Chomping on anything and everything so sure it's teeth shifting here.

Madam did that a week or so ago along with masses of dribble and a bit of nappy rash so I'm sure it was the shifting of teeth. Poor pets.

I've ended up having a lovely day today ending up with the man dishing up my fave dinner ham, egg and chips with branston pickle by way of apology. We have already failed bedtime once but she'd had a nap in the car too late so I'm not surprised, fingers crossed for success this time. DH is off tomorrow so I'm expecting lots of help and looking for lots of excuses to just pop out for a bit!

If I don't say this here I'm going to end up shouting it at the top of my voice at DH and waking up the baby.

I am rapidly reaching the end of my tether with DH. No amount of cajoling, begging, nagging, ignoring, asking politely, praising positive behaviour (I'm seriously pulling out my best teacher moves) will get him off his arse. Ok, so at the moment he's getting up at 5 for work. But I'm fairly sure that doesn't negate his current attitude.

My days go roughly like this: up at 6 to crying baby. Change what is usually a shitty nappy and recently, often shitty sheets. Go downstairs to heat bottle. Come up and feed baby. All before my first wee let alone cuppa. Get baby dressed. Get myself showered (door open, either with baby watching from bouncy chair or desperately listening out for cries) and dressed. Put a load of washing on. Try to get a cuppa and breakfast. Various other crap throughout the day, housework, trips out, all the usual baby stuff. Might get 30 mins at lunch if she deigns to sleep. 6.30, DH gets home, gives her a bath. this should be my 10 min break but invariably there are shouts of 'can you bring me a towel/cotton wool/nappy) hands her back to me to dress, feed and settle. When she's down I'm straight down, cook dinner, eat dinner, make bottles, and at 9pm sit down in the hope he might clear dinner stuff. At 10 I give up on this and do it myself, at 11 I feed dd, get to bed at 11.30ish.

This is dh's day:
Up at 5. Breakfast and cuppa (alone, no rushing), 5.30 leave for job where I seem to do sweet fa. 6.30 home, give dd bath, SUPERDAD, I deserve a soak myself! 7.30 get out, dinner is ready. Eat dinner. Occasionally remember to thank dw for dinner, usually have to be reminded. 9pm- fall asleep on sofa. 10pm get grumpy when dw wakes me up telling me to go to bed. Rinse and repeat.

I know all the advice, but I can't do any of it. Talk to him: he sulks like a teenager. Shout at him: see above. Ask him nicely: he forgets. Refuse to do it: it just won't get done (I wish I could just leave things but I'd get fed up with mess before him...) today I said 'i think you shoukd do dinner sometimes' and he said 'easy, we just won't eat'.

He sounds misogynistic, but he's not. He doesn't think all those things are women's jobs, he just doesn't understand why they should be anyone's jobs.

Have you noticed our OH moans always happen at a similar time? I wonder if they're cyclical or we just all get cross on each others behalfs and that's what means our own OHs get it in the neck? (Or maybe they're on dadsnet saying 'that's it, I'm on strike, I changed a whole nappy by myself today and didn't even get a thank you for being such an amazing guy'

Oh Vj. As usual I guess more than anything you want a safe place to vent, and this is certainly it so have that first from me.

I do know what you mean, with the exception that my dh is working really hard at s very stressful job ATM. However, he still gets up later than I used to pre-pg to do load of chores - in winter get the Rayburn going, put dishwasher on, start load of laundry etc. he gets a cup of tea and walks out the door. We do bath time together because its so cute I won't want to miss it (actually, he's usually been cute all day?) and then one of us will cook. I will often say you do bath, I'll start tea, or I'll do bath and you start tea.

Re the lack of preparedness, start dinner and if he shouts for towels etc just say sorry, you're up to your elbows in raw mince, flour, can't leave the hob right now. Or just pop out for a walk for 10 mins. We have to work out popping LO somewhere safe while we get stuff if this happens in the day, he can too. Stop him taking the easy way out.

Re dinner, a conversation about this being an area where he could really help would be good. You both have to eat so ask if he will cook x nights per week (tues, wed, thurs for eg) and explain that you won't be. if he is serious about not eating, perhaps you could buy a few quiches and salads etc and grab one of those during afternoon nap. Then when he asks what's for dinner say nothing, you're not hungry as already ate and he'd said he wasn't bothered about dinner x nights per week. It's not passive aggressive if you have explained that you won't be doing it beforehand, just following through. It's all very well him not seeing why anyone should do it, but if someone doesn't it won't get done and its not fair for that someone to always be you.

And i would just leave him on the sofa.

Oh, and clearing should be done by the person who didn't cook, so tell him he clears if you cook, and you do it when he does (thinking positive here you see) and resist the temptation to complain that he's used every pan in the house because he will do boy cooking

Oh VJ , you have my sympathy. I had 13 years of that cr*p from my DH, and it drove me half demented. He's done a complete turn around now, so there is hope, although I wouldn't recommend the route we took to get there! One thing that would help is if he fed and settled DD whilst you cooked dinner (or vice versa). It's what we do on the evenings DH is home early enough, and it massively reduces the hassle factor of the evening for both of us.

As an aside if you need a break any time, I'm happy to help, and I'm really quite responsible

Bit of early start today, as not surprisingly after yesterday's poor effort on the milk front the tiddler got herself up at 4am for a spot of breakfast. Unfortunately this required the assistance of a responsible adult, but fortunately DH stepped up to the plate and let me have a lie in. Said lie in didn't last long though as despite a manful effort he couldn't get her settled, so I had the pacing thing to do... and now she's asleep and I'm knackered! I have also paced a long way so that's my exercise done for the day already. I am feeling a small amount of guilt that I let DH take the pain on this one as he has a mega presentation to do today, but he insisted as I'm wiped out by a recurring IUI. Not fun. I wish it would just sod right off to the other side of where ever and not come back. . .

Time to get the furry children (oh ok, the dogs) up and out now, and then think about a second breakfast for the smallest one. I'm not up for a repeat of last night's performance, so I plan to be really tedious and enthusiastic about food consumption, in the vague hope she might take the hint and actually eat some.

Thanks pud and wors (and the offer). As is often the case, things seem better in the morning. It just drives me mad that no amount of telling him how I'm feeling makes a blind bit of difference. Its not even like I'm exhausted or struggling, I'm getting a 6hr stretch most nights now, I know I CAN do it, just not sure why I SHOULD! Sorry you're feeling rough wors, well done mr wors for doing the early shift! Same offer straight back your way, if there's something that ocado, boots.com and DH between them can't manage :)

Tiddler has a new habit of waking between 6&6.30, but not being hungry. In fact she usually goes straight back to sleep when I change her and bring her in with me, I haven't yet tested how long she'd go before being hungry, I usually wake her and feed her at 8ish. I'm wondering if this is a sign that I could start reducing, and eventually eliminating the 11pm feed. Anyone else on just 4 feeds a day? Not sure how it would work as at the moment she's managing between 30 and 36 flozzes a day, don't think I could fit that into 4 bottles, she certainly wouldn't take a 9floz bottle.

And now I'm starting to think I might be massively overfeeding her. Yikes. Never ending worry this parenting lark!

Vj sorry to hear your dh is doing the chocolate teapot routine. I know you've tried cajoling etc but the one approach I found success with is 'oh you're at work 10 hours a day. Don't you miss DS? How about you bathe, dress and feed him while I cook dinner. Then you can put him to bed and get that bond with him?' Every now and then we swap (ie he goes to the chippy while I do bedtime) because there are days when cooking dinner can send me from happy relaxed mum to crazed bitch.

I'm probably preaching to the choir, I apologise if so. Perhaps he doesn't realise how serious you are when you say it's always you doing everything. When really at the end of my tether I threatened to leave. And I meant it. Dp has been much more helpful since. Still has several daft moments a day mind.

This night waking has thrown me all off. He's gone from sleeping through the last ten weeks to fussing around 1, and refusing to go back to sleep with a big smile on his face. He drank 7 flozzes at 2.30 this morning, slept until 6 then got in our bed til 7.30 when I finally have in and for up with him. That bitch hv yesterday has completely thrown me off. Should I offer smaller bottles more often? Or 8 flozzes 5 times a day? I can't believe I'm second guessing something that worked so well for us. Bloody centile lines. Done more harm than good, making me think I've a fat, overfed baby when I know he's got a big appetite!

Worse I've a friend who refers to his cats as the furry children.

Got the best news last night. My best buddy from school is expecting and she's only gone and told me before telling her parents! Makes me smile that at nearly 28 y.o she's still scared of them (they're lovely!)

I'm with plonko on this one, vj - if nothing else is working then threaten to leave. You're basically single parenting and skivvying for him at the same time, and it's not on.

DD's night went like this:
asleep at 7pm
fed at 12.15
fed at 4.30
was wide awake when I got her up at 8

My night went like this:
bed at 9.30
asleep by 11
woke up at 3.30

This in no way constitutes enough sleep.

Anyone who can have dd today stormy so you can rest?

Brother's girlfriend is off work and will happily come over and play with her while I vegetate, but unfortunately I still won't be able to sleep.

In cuter news, I put a new photo on my profile...

Oh stormy she's such a cutie, lots of character in her happy little face!

DS has remembered how to blow raspberries. Very cute but he even does it when he's crying.

Oh stormy - I too am having sleep issues. DD takes a while to get off but she stayed asleep until 6.30am. I, however, did not. Went to bed at 11 (after all the usual chores which DH doesn't feel the need to do) but didn't go to sleep for ages, constantly thinking DD would wake up any minute. Got b*gger all sleep all night as I just kept waking up for no reason. Ok, I thought. DD will have her 'never fail' nap at 9am and I can sneak in a bit more shut eye. She has decided that today's the day not to sleep in the morning. I tried from 8.30 until now and she started off sleepy but chatty so I left her but she got more irate. DH is home today and tried to help but I can't sleep through the crying. Now i've got the hump.

She is adorably cute when she's been posed properly.

Right, plonko, my first decree in my new role of Boss of the World (I wish) is: stop fretting about milk! You're offering him, what, forty flozzes a day? It's at the high end of the normal intake range perhaps, but it's normal. If he were leaving a flozz from each bottle then you could offer smaller ones, but he's clearing them usually, isn't he? If you really want to put your mind at ease, get him weighed weekly for a while. Then you can see if he's growing normally and is just big, or if he's gaining at an alarming rate. And if he is, then you can pat yourself on the back for producing the impossible - a baby who can end up obese just on milk. He's fine, honestly. Health visitors are just put on this earth to try us.

Any I think the heat doesn't help. I've had a lot more trouble sleeping since summer remembered it exists. Weather this morning said 29 degrees here. I'm going to melt. Roll on autumn!

Oh, and re cats, when talking to cats or baby we refer to them as sisters.

Yep the dog is big sister in this house too and what a bad big sister she is! She managed to scratch DDs leg yesterday because I was carrying DD and her favourite ball so pup jumped up to get the ball but got DD. Bad Mummy! Nothing that sudocrem didn't fix though!

VJ I think everyone's right, if he won't talk about it sensibly then just saying this is what I'll be doing, this is what I expect you to do and you know full well it's reasonable is probably the way forward. My DH knows he's getting away without doing stuff most of the time and when it's later out for him how little he does in comparison (I wrote it down in the end) he did step it up for a while at least

On the plus side I've booked a haircut for today while DH is off, the first for a year! On the minis side, sitting under a dryer in 28 degree heat doesn't sound much fun!

It is too bloody hot. That is all.

Why does he sleep through til 4 or 5 all the time except when I have a kit day when he's awake ooh now for instance.

And yes, it's too hot.

It was too bloody hot here too.... so I slept on the sofa in the 'room that never warms up' aka our living room/lounge/whatever the MN acceptable word is and had the best night's sleep ever. Result! The man slept upstairs to watch the worselet and judging from the lack of sound through the intercom also had the best night's sleep ever. Perhaps that is the solution to everything - me on the sofa. Then again, perhaps not.

Was all set to come on here yesterday and have a moan, about milk refusing babies, stupid weather, IUIs and the general crapness of life, when DH rang to say he'd be late home from London as there was a person under the train. Put's it all into perspective really. So sad, a beautiful sunny day and someone just gave up on life

Worse kind of keeps your eyes on the prize eh?

It was too hot last night. Thankfully ds's room is the coldest room in Derbyshire. And I was so knackered I was asleep soon after ten. It was a good night.

Stormy how are you feeling today?

Moderately well rested, by my current standards. Knocked myself out with a naughty smoke at half ten, slept through the midnight feed, woke at the 3am and was actually able to get back to sleep! DD woke at 6.10, squeaked, and went back to sleep (or at least was silent for an hour and a half). She seems to be figuring out this finger sucking for comfort business.

Hello All,

Sorry for radio silence - DS is up at least ten times in the night lately and waking up at 5am.... I'm so tired

We finally completed on the flat and got the keys, after a dramatic morning where Nationwide had scheduled system maintenance and so didn't transfer our mortgage on time. Ridiculous. Anyway, we move on the 10th so trying to pack, although I feel like so far we've made more mess!

I can't believe people still have hv's?! Ds eats 5 bottles a day of 7/8 ounces, and he licked my ice lolly the other day, bad mummy. I found him sucking a wetwipe yesterday, mad child.

Anyway, might be quiet until the move is done, won't have internet for the first 9 days there - how will I cope!

Despite the tropical conditions, we all had a great night here. DD went down without a hoo-ha at 7.30 and stayed put until 7.30 this morning! Definitely down to her being very tired after no morning nap. I too slept well as DH retrieved the other fan from the garage (DD has one in her room). It's a bit cooler but really 'sticky' here today. Nothing like having a sweaty baby stuck to your boob