Dec 08 mums - any more for any more?

[JumpJockey]

New thread! Hope this is ok :)

[ShadyLadyT]

I like these snippets from the wicked world of work, Invis I suppose in your sort of job you need to look groomed to be taken seriously and all that jazz. I haven't bought a handbag in aeons although I do still want a Mulberry Bayswater even though they are a bit grannyish. There's a pink one reduced to £650 in the current sale (from about £950, which is a fairly ridiculous sum for a bag). Not that I am in a position to make such a purchase although I will say that any of the similar posho bags I have, I have used so many times that per use the cost must come to pence.

Anyway, I am glad you are still following and I hope that work is massively interesting and well paid as well as being completely knackering...Apart from reading for Book Club I have currently had to sink into some PG Wodehouse comfort reading... My sister has given me a copy of something called The Dinner (which I think has been out for a bit) but it looks a bit gimmicky and also it's translated.

Right, it is indeed time for reading in bed.

[ShadyLadyT]

X-posted. Glow away! Wow, it sounds like your DD has done really well - isn't it a brand new school and you were slightly apprehensive? Is your DS off to the same place? Reassuring, if so.

[TheInvisibleHand]

You know, I still struggle to get my head round people taking me seriously. Too much of a slacker to really be "groomed" but I do need a bit of a uniform. I'm supposed to be going to Australia this summer because some mad people are willing to spend a small fortune getting me there and listen to me burble for 40 minutes. I'll happily take it, but I find it odd that other people take me seriously!

Books - quite enjoyed something called Where'd you go Bernadette, written by one of the scriptwriters from arrested development. Finally prompted to read Crow's Road, never having got round to Iain Banks and glad I did. Right. Goodnight

[Artichook]

Awww, you deserve a little glowing moment about your DD Invis. Good on her. Also good on you being in demand in Oz and elsewhere, who cares whether you are glam or not when you know what you are talking about.

Spot, leaky ladies sounded awful but thank goodness they are going to fix you. Have you sorted child are for the summer? What's the plan? And do you think you will stay in your village now or more back to Brighton?

Kayz did you do the pigs in mud cake??? Post a picture on FB if you did.

Rubes are you less stressed now you are no longer on call? What happened with DS that made you so reluctant to leave him?

Lady I l

I hope you are feeling better today Deids.

[Artichook]

Oh God, posted too soon, the perils of posting while breast feeding! DS now pooed so will finish later.

[Artichook]

Right, I might have 3 mins before the World's Most Useless Health Visitor arrives.

Lady - what I was trying to say in my last post was that I live your catch-ups. I also wanted to thank you for the lovely card you sent DS. It's interesting about your DD2's reaction to discipline, it is very similar to my DD2's reaction. I wonder if its a common pattern that first horns wish to please and second borns are less bothered. My DD1 does what she is told, she sees rules as there to be followed, DD2 sees rules as there to be broken and to he'll with the consequences. I have to admire her sometimes, I'd live to be such a free spirit I encumbered by concerns about others reactions. That doesn't help with how to discipline them though. I do the naughty step: an immediate consequence, but DD2 often takes herself off to the step laughing before I even tell her to go. Her most common crime is also violence towards her sister.

Urgh, can see HV knocking on the neighbours door, I better go save her from herself.

[DeidreBarlow]

Aargh I did a big post this morning & it's not here!!! Will have to catch up later x

[DeidreBarlow]

On my lunch break so will do a speedy catch up!!

Spot when do you start, is your child care all sorted? I can understand your feelings I hate starting new jobs!

Invis great to hear from you

Lady hope the mortgage comes through for you. With your DD2 she is still so very young and learning what she can and can't get away with. She probably can't reason in her own mind why she can't have a toy, she wants in bad, she's knows if she bites the other person lets go, result she bites. DS has been very slow to learn what is acceptable behaviour (& even know you can see him questioning why he can't do something). But he appears to have figured it out. He just didn't respond to discipline, it was hard we tried everything. It would seem time is all he needs. She'll grow out of it, if not and it drags on like DS did I recommend and us for support!!

Rubes how are you feeling? I hope some sleep has lifted your mood. What happened with DS?

[beans37]

How was HV visit, Arti?

I need to ask you guys something. Is quite serious and I don't quite know what to do. Basically, a little boy started in DD1's class this term and he clearly has some SNs as they've had to bring in an extra member of staff to help deal with him and he has a daily diary, which none of the others have. DD1 doesn't like him because he misbehaves and is v disruptive and quite out of control. I've tried to engage his Mum a few times. She is very very meek and downtrodden and doesn't keep eye contact. I've never met the husband, but someone saw him at a toddler group the other day and apparently he was pretty rough and unpleasant with their daughter. I feel like I'm being judgy and maybe being an idiot and going on appearances that I know nothing about, but... Today the Mum turned up with a huge bruise across her face and looked me in the eye even less than usual. What would you do? I'm really sorry to ask, but it's preying on my mind and am fretting. Should I just keep my beak out. And if not, should I voice my concerns to anyone? And if so, then who. It's probably nothing, but I am worrying a bit.

[DeidreBarlow]

Oh and I rarely buy clothes for me unless we are going away. Weekend I bought some new bikinis etc. other than that about £50 every few months

I was so wasteful pre DC & would buy new stuff weekly whether I needed it or not

[DeidreBarlow]

Oh beans! I would agree that it seems suspicious but without speaking to her I'm not sure what you could do. Could you be really bold just start speaking to her, and somehow ask how she got the bruise??

[Mckayz]

Beans could you talk to the school? The head teacher maybe?

I don't buy clothes really. Due to my size I look awful in everything really. I wish somewhere sold willpower.

[DeidreBarlow]

Forgot to add if you are concerned for the children I would maybe speak to someone at nursery. They should have a better idea of home life and would know about child protection and how to refer.

[beans37]

It's one of those things you don't want to interfere, but if everyone thinks that, then it just goes on ignored. IF anything's going on... Yes, think I might ask her about it. I think I'm one of the only people who chats to her anyway, so maybe I should just be bold about it. Her kids seem fine, if a little badly behaved, but they're just kids, so it's kind of par for the course. They're both in my DD's year groups, so we do have some crossover. She's new to the village so doesn't know anyone.

Vag, you there?

[beans37]

Yes, DB, I might do that. Might be best course. Know the teacher a bit.

[sybilfaulty]

Beans, you must speak to someone asap as it's a safeguarding issue.

Once you tell them what you have seen, it puts them on notice and they have to take certain steps (will have a written policy already) to ensure that DA issues involving the children do not get overlooked. We do not know of any DA issues yet directly aimed at the children but there are procedures to enable the right people (SS, possibly police etc) to deal. Basically it involves reporting to senior staff member (who will have child protection training) and they decide how to deal and when to review.

By all means speak to the mum too, but telling nursery of your concerns is vital to ensure that a. that they are not going to get into trouble for failing to spot obv signs and act on them and b. that the matter can be investigated properly by qualified people.

[sybilfaulty]

You tell any old member of staff and they report to senior person. Not you directly.

[beans37]

Thanks Sybs. I will speak to their teacher tomorrow morning. I'm worried I am overreacting and may cause more trouble for the family, but I don't want to just sit and let something go on that shouldn't be happening.

[Rubena]

Beans, def needs drawing to nursery attention. Not sure how. That sort of thing requires tact I suppose, of which I have none. Great advice from Sybs. How awful if it's one of those cases
Deids glad you're feeling a bit better. I need to get motivated for later. Had a rest day yesterday. Ooop - I shall tweet.
Invis, well done you should be allowed to beam about that - tis a brilliant result.
Lady glad you enjoyed Spain and the dds were great. What sort of things were difficult traveling with dp? Good luck on the new mortgage app. This one sounds like a goer, then potentially so does baby3?
Not sure re clothes money. Nothing consistent. Very much fits and starts. I sometimes spend my entire food allowance on trips for clothes, but then go long periods without. I tend to buy new stuff when I need it to wear somewhere. Ie like Deids, just bought a new bikini for holidays (ok I bought 2) but hadn't in a long time. So can't say I really know how much it averages as I can go long stints and buy nothing, then go a little mad.

Oh the ds thing was to do with bike grease gate. I went a little postal at dh as you know, and I was really mad and switched off the scalextric mid race. Anyway, the next day (I think) was the night before I was on call and I tried to explain to ds that I may be here in the morning but may not be if work calls (I was on a 6-2) and he said he "wanted me to go to work because when I was home I shouted at daddy and turned off the scalextric and I mustn't do that. Anyway, then I cried, and then ds felt bad and tried to back track - all round disaster and I was thinking about not going if they called.
I felt awful. Never good to go away like that. He's fine now, and I've promised him I won't shout at Daddy in front of him again

Anyway, must go off to collect ds - loads more so I must come back later...

I've just potted Petunias, does that make me about 70?

[beans37]

Oh Rubes, it is horrid when you feel like that. DDs sometimes get upset about that sort of thing. DD1 doesn't like me going away because Theo daddy gets angry when they cry. Makes me a bit worried about what he says when I'm not here. But having said that, I can be vile when they're whining, so tend to give the benefit of the doubt!

I am also going to chat to a fellow nursery Mum, who is also a teacher and a good friend, so she'll have wise words on action to take.

[Artichook]

HV was totally pointless. Here is a snippet:

Her: do you think you are depressed
Me: no, I feel bad when DS is screaming but not depressed just a bit desperate
Her: if you are desperate you must leave him before you hurt him
Me: I never feel like I might hurt him
Her: you may soon feel like that, it's classic of PND
Me: I really don't think I have PND, I'm enjoying him a lot it's just I wanted some tips on dealing with colic
Her: if he has true colic you are likely to develope PND.
Me: thanks. Any tips on the colic?
Her: no, colic is untreatable, we can help if you get PND though.

Great. The good news is that I took DS to a cranial osteopath yesterday and we had no cuc last night and he slept from 6.45-6.45 with one dream feed. Love him. Please all send white light that the colic stays away.

Oh, and on clothes, I'm like Rubes and buy in fits and starts. Last summer after I lost all the weight I went crazy celebrating the fact I could wear size 10. I spent £250 in Cos in one day. This summer I suspect I will buy almost nothing as I am not a shape I want to stay for long (I say while crunching a second macaroon...). I could never spend £600 on a bag or any other single item though, £600 would buy us a weekend away or more and I'd always prioritise that.

[DeidreBarlow]

Ahh Rubes! DS hates in when I shout at DH, he asks if I'm cross/mad at Daddy. Always takes Daddys side, even if he's the one shouting at me. i think my pitch is higher though do my screechiness offends his ears more. It seems to wash over DD mind.

[DeidreBarlow]

X post. Arti your HV is nuts. Confirms what I've always thought about them, utterly pointless!

[ShadyLadyT]

Beans, I think all Sybs said is right but I also think in addition to alerting school/nursery, just make general chatty overtures to the Mum. Whatever her situation, she sounds shy and lonely, and potentially isolated. It could be something as simple as her kid accidentally biffing her - DD2 clocked me with a Barbie - not on purpose - and Barbie's sodding plastic stiletto cut and bruised my forehead. But better to be safe than sorry. I think one should never, ever just ignore (not that you were going to).

Rubes, I think potting petunias sounds absolutely lovely! Sorry you got yourself all upset. Kids are very funny about discord between their parents. I gave DP a hug the other day and DD1 said so wistfully "I love it when that happens..." as if it hardly ever did (which is sadly true). What things bugged me on holiday? Me trying to cram a lot in, him just wanting to lie down at virtually every opportunity...me automatically being responsible for the kids, and everything to do with them, at all time. Doncher just hate it (and it happens to me a lot) when they say, or maybe it's just around here, "Where's x's sunhat/lotion/my sunglasses?" In a shocked/annoyed voice? Every time we so much as walk down the street I appear to be responsible for 4 people's essential requirements. I don't mind for the girls (OF COURSE) although it would be nice if DP thought to consider what they might need as well, as I do occasionally forget stuff.

ANYWAY, Arti, how was the HV? (I wonder if they all know that they inspire a collective, national groan from Motherkind?) I think you are right with your point about younger children - it is a point DP and I have both often made. He is a classic elder child, I am a classic younger child and both of our sisters also fit the same mould. I remember reading that psychologists place a lot of store on your position in the family, in terms of whether you are a first born, a middle child etc. DP is very hot on following rules, obeying authority etc. Er......I am so much the reverse it's not true. Although I blame my mother Even now she's always yelling "Question everything!"

I had DD1's Early Years Foundation Report today. I can hardly make head nor tail of it. The written bits are self-explanatory but the staging/banding is a bit of a mystery. She had her second taster afternoon at school today, which she seemed to like. I do worry about her though, she's quite quiet and I don't want her to get lost amongst the bolshy little varmints more outgoing children.

Well, after biting Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday we are so far bite and indeed violence-free with DD2 today.

[ShadyLadyT]

X-posted Arti. Wow to the cranial osteopath - and white light from the West Oxfordshire Cotswolds. That dialogue with your HV...uuuuuuuurrrrrrrggggghhhh. We've all had it.

I buy most of my jeans from Asda now, their skinnies suit my shape. And they cost £14!!!! Plus the occasional thing from Zara or H&M. Bit of secondhand Boden.