FEB 2010 Three is a magic number, yes it is......

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Come and take shelter from the DC here, folks!

Hello - back from weekend with friend in Broadstairs. Had a lovely time though our DSs were so excited to see each other they were pretty horrific on Sat. I had to have a beer with lunch for my nerves.

No change really with DH's dad though they seem to have ruled out need for surgery. Speech therapist checked he could swallow and he can which is good.

Not been on fb as no computer til my new one arrives and not enough memory on phone to install app.

Got train home via Stratford and went to big Westfield shopping centre there. Bought DD her first pre-walkers as she is standing a bit and walking if I hold her hands. They are red and from the boy's section.

She is eating barely anything at the moment. Refuses pouches and spoon feeding and wants boob all the time (I am quite sore as a consequence). She will eat a few peas if I chase her and cram them into her mouth.

Ds slept on train so had a late night with lots of bedtime chat which was really nice.

stinking headache (got in from work and slept for an hour - poor DH got in from work, sorted tea, sorted both DC's, stories and bed for DS, homework and stories for DD, washed up, watered the veg then offered to cancel his cricket tonight so I could stay flaked out and not worry about anything he's ace) night all

Stoof, hope you feel better tomorrow. Your dh sounds fantastic. Mine took the children to the park and playground yesterday to let me sleep off having wine at lunchtime! Not sure I deserve him!! Mind you, I got the girls fed and into bed tonight, letting him sleep because he came home early from work with what appears to be the bug dd1 had over the weekend.

IC I like that poem. Might try it on dd2 who would also rather like to grow a bit!

BC

IC dh's current way of dealing with bad dreams is to put on an episode of peppa pig on his laptop (if dd2 wakes while we are still awake only of course). I normally ban peppa pig because I hate it with a passion. But it does work to 'reset' dd2 after a particularly nasty dream.

CP I wish I had your energy (sigh)
Mous Thinking of you! We should meet up sooner rather than later

JF yes we should!

CP should be good! Let's work out the details nearer the time...

JF arf at Peppa Pig reset..!!

stoof hope you're feeling better now x

DD had a nasty little chest infection yesterday - it came on quite suddenly, lots of coughing, wheezing and breathlessness. She flaked out on the sofa at 11.00am, which is unheard of unless she's ill (DS played happily on the floor, which meant I got to chill out and read...it's an ill wind..!!) Last night we covered her in vapour rub (including soles of the feet with socks over), gave her cough medicine and put the humidifier in her room. The cough subsided after a bit, she slept through and today she was almost back to normal again...crazy! I was already to take her to the doctor's, she was that bad yesterday.

IC That sounds nasty. Hope she feels better now.

Dd2 has another 'I don't like you, I want Papa' phase. Sigh. I'm finding it difficult not to take it personally mainly because it takes me twice as long to do anything with her in a strop.

IC glad DD is so much better.

bc great that DH's dad can swallow and no need for surgery. How is your DH now? Are you worried about DD's lack of food? With DD1 I worried (but then she wasn't still BF) but with DD2 I really don't give a monkey's, if she's hungry she'll eat and if not, there is always BF. I admit it is annoying when she wants to BF all day though (and sore too).

stoof hope you're feeling better than on Monday.

CP your weekend sounds unbelievably hectic. Shame about the work thing.

JF it sounds as if your DD2 is becoming a 'normal' toddler at last...? Or pre-schooler. Every toddler/preschooler I know is incredibly awkward a lot of the time. Hard to deal with (calmly) I find.

Mous, how goes it.....?

SR thinking of you (from your post on FB).

I am in a very bad mood today, I should be writing covering letters for job applications as it is my child-free afternoon but I am just Not In The Mood. I do really want a job now, but the only decent local agency has really pissed me off by suggesting a position at a ridiculously low salary - even for these parts. I would be paying to work. I know you practically do, CP, but this job is also 'beneath me' (in that I am a qualified chartered accountant and this job is very basic) and wouldn't help my career at all. But I have to start somewhere. I feel depressed that they looked at my CV and think that is all I'm good for. THey don't even want to see me in the flesh to register, will 'keep my CV on file' which is just agent-speak for fuck off.

We've been having some disturbed nights with DD1 mainly - well both of them tbh - so the crushing tiredness doesn't help. When Will It End. And then I'm in such a foul mood with them the next day. I really blame them. I do. I hate them for doing it to me.

I am reading "Three Shoes, One Sock & No Hairbrush" which is about the impact of the second child on a mother. I really wish I had read it before having DD2 - before conceiving her actually! Maybe, just maybe we'd have left a longer gap (although I thought I knew best and wanted them close together - duh). The book keeps reiterating how the closer together they are, the more stressful it is. Obvious I suppose but I feel quite validated in how flipping awful I've found it. And it really made me feel so sad about how it has impacted my relationship with DD1 - very normal, according to the book. On the other hand, I feel a bit like I am wallowing in my own misery by reading it and every other paragraph thinking "Yes! YES! That is how I feel, that is how I felt. It's not just me!" Because what good does it do now, really.

I still want to highlight great swathes of it and hold it under DH's nose.

I am really pissed off with DS and his constant mucking about with food. When my back was turned for a couple of minutes he poured milk from his cup (whilst on the sofa) into some random container and all over the floor. Only discovered why they were milk on the floor when I opened the container a bit later and found milk in it. This has to stop. Dinner times are shit.

I am not giving him a snack after nursery and he only had the milk and half a satsuma for his morning nibble. I want him to eat meals without messing and within half an hour.

Dinner went wonderfully but he had a tantrum when I said he couldn't finish his packed lunch when I picked him up from nursery.

And he's having one now because he wants to pick strawberries in the garden but he has to have a bath.

BC and . I know you've dismissed the suggestion before but have you sought any help for postnatal depression? I think what you describe is more than just being fed up with a toddler and I don't think it is normal to be quite so angry with your ds for what is pretty standard toddler behaviour. (I speak from experience of not feeling able to cope when I had PND after dd1 was born, so I am not just plucking ideas out of thin air).

Scones I wouldn't pay to go to work (couldn't afford to) and I waited until the right job. I wouldn't do this one. I would be annoyed with the agency but from what i hear it is common for them to do this, so a stern word but try to move it and not take it as a judgement.

bear I agree with JF in some sense. I know when I am getting irrationally annoyed with the children over an issue it is actually a reflection on my mental state. In the meantime, setting some set rules and a script to follow can help to keep you in control and not getting overly upset with him. If DD is not eating properly then I ask her to get down. She is welcome to not eat, but not dilly dally. Nursery tell me everyday that DS has eaten more than her.

Today was our official opening at work so there were some left over flowers that we could take home. Children have had a fun time pulling them apart. DD is tired though as she had a long day there (DH is away). Last night I was shocked that when I put her in bed she stayed there and went very quickly off to sleep. Must have magically timed it exactly right.

BC, I think a set of rules will help you and DS.

Our rules go something like this:

1. food must be at least tried
2. you either eat or sit on the stairs, bad behaviour at the table is disruptive and unfair on others
3. if food is refused, no alternative is offered
4. fruit and yogurt is not withheld, but neither is extra given to make up for a baby eaten first course
5. when things are bad, food is taken away after 15 minutes (if it being eaten slowly for some reason, this doesn't happen)

Scones, the job thing sounds very frustrating. Be firm with the agency and do not pay to go to work!

CP, hope last night's success is repeated!

JF, hope the "I want papa" stage passes soon.

IC, glad dd is better.

I don't think I am depressed but I have been feeling the rage today. While DH was away, DS was unsettled and I wasn't getting any night time respite with the baby (still not sleep trained, still wants to feed all night). DS was getting up at 5 am. I was so run down I got loads of cold sores. DH came back from his folks very tired and run down and with a cold and obviously worried about his dad.

I think I need a (really really) early night tonight.

Dinner was really good - DS ate it all and chatted and didn't muck about. I am rubbish with snacks, because I eat shedloads of cakes, biscuits and chocolate he sees me eating it and wants his own share and I feel like a hypocrite if I eat it all and don't let him have any.

I have to cut down my unhealthy snacking as well as his.

Scones I think I need to read that three shoes book. I am sorry the agencies are undervaluing you. I identify with the tiredness and fed-up-ness.

Baby has started eating food again so fingers crossed she sleeps better tonight.

SR The 'I want papa' stage has its benefits... especially at 2 in the morning

I think it has worked two nights running

I am a lot calmer when DH is not here. I think because when he is I mentally switch off and want to rest. He is going away next weekend which will be tough though I imagine. One good thing about going away in the week is they have nursery and the other one has work.

bear what you are saying sounds similar to what I experienced in the past. Have you got some friends to call on for emotional support the next few days and help keep you company etc.

Thanks for rules, SR. I think they are a good idea. We will go back to saying the rules at the beginning of each meal.

Hope things are ok for you when DH away, CP - I fall to pieces when mine is away as DS hates it so much and won't sleep.

Ah, mealtimes - I sympathise Bc - DD can drive DH and I nuts sometimes - especially after nursery. She eats tea there (sort of!) so isn't usually very hungry, but always wants something for supper, although seldom does it justice and her behaviour is really annoying - combination of being hyped up and tired from her day at nursery.

Yes to the smaller gap being tougher Scones. With hindsight, I think it's just as well (from a stress point of view) that I miscarried the pregnancy between DD and DS so another year was added onto the gap - it's hard enough with 2.5 years between them, I can imagine what it's like with less - bloody full on.

Things not too bad here. I've had an irritable day because DS woke at 05.00 and although he went back to sleep after a feed, I didn't. Somehow the same amount of sleep ending earlier (than more gaps but ending later in the morning) feels worse... And DD was winding me up something powerful at times (or I was reacting more than normal). But it wasn't too bad overall.

DD seems to have completely got over that chest infection and DS has cut his last incisor, both ate quite well at supper and went to bed okayish (stern look at DS who monkeyed around for a while in his cot before zonking). We had nursery parents' evening and DD is doing great, so that was nice

BC PND doesn't have to mean depression in its classic sense. For a lot of people (including myself) it means anxiety and the feeling of not coping very well. Sounds familiar? You seriously do not have to feel this bad.

I have been reading quite a lot on the feminism boards about the medicalisation of societal problems,i.e. a lot of mums are depressed; call it PND and treat with ADs; ignore the wider issues that it's no good for mums (or children if mums can't cope) the way we bring up our children a lot of the time - mainly isolation, loneliness, stress of dealing with most of it alone. I'm not saying that bc isn't depressed or that she shouldn't go to gp (maybe you should?), just that it is incredibly common esp for SAHMs with DC under 5 to be stressed and down.

Also I would br just as pissed off as you if DF

Sorry DD1 tipped milk. She would know it would annoy me.

If she dawdles over food we set a timer. When timer goes off, plate is taken away. She hates it, but it is effective.