FEB 2010 Two and a half to three...the "contrary age" (no it isn't! yes it is!)

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Come in, sit down, fresh coffee is brewing, Prosecco's in the fridge for later and there's a bumper box of Lindt chocolates for all....

Yes, yes - do go back to the GP, BG.

I've not been around for ages, hi Stangirl - nice to have you back. Congrats on being very brave and jacking in the job.

Back when I was having IVF and still working and I knew that if that round didn't work I'd be quitting (it didn't and I did) it was very hard to make the leap into the unknown but I am so glad I did. I am probably unemployable now though. Oh well.

I have lost it a couple of times with DS. One time I cuffed him around the back of the head, not hard but still not nice at all and another time I squeezed his hand too hard when pulling something off him that he shouldn't have been holding. Both times it was to do with having both of them all day and not enough sleep. First time it was when I had just got her to sleep on me and I was trying to carefully put her down without waking her and he kept coming in and making noise and the second time it was because he'd kicked out at her when they were both playing on the floor. I was in such a rage when he kicked her - I kept calming myself down and then getting angry again and in the end I told him to go away into another room because I felt like I wanted to hurt him. He was very upset and I should have dropped it after telling him off and removing her from near his feet the first time. I felt like such an evil cow afterwards - he was crying for daddy because I must have freaked him out so badly.

We went to a new friend's after nursery today - a little boy a bit older than DS (just turned 4) and they played together so nicely, in another room - could hear loads of good natured shouting and laughter. It made me realise that it won't always be this intense (even if problems become more complex). I really like the little boy and his mum, very glad we met them.

I wouldn't act like a toddler when they are having a tantrum. It just wouldn't sit right with me - I think you need to be a calm presence if at all possible and show them that although they are having trouble managing their feelings, we're not scared of the way they manifest them and will be a solid, non-judging constant. That's the aim anyway.

I have been reading 'Raising our children, raising ourselves'. Here is an article by the authour: www.naturalparenting.com.au/flex/how-to-connect-with-your-misbehaving-child/7919/1

IC - I like a lot of the things in "Calmer, easier, happier...." but some of the stuff that I don't like is the 'only say it once' kind of vibe, so you're training them to jump at your every word. It's not, in my mind, developmentally appropriate to think that toddlers won't get distracted and/or dawdle when you ask them to do something. Having that unrealistic expectation in my mind has led me to get cross with DS when otherwise I wouldn't have when I was trying to follow those instructions in her book. In the end I have taken a lot of good things from it but I do question some of her advice and methods.

Survival - Big, big hugs to you and your brave DS1. I so wish that he hadn't had to experience that.

BG - go to the doctor, please!!

scones I'm pretty sure that's Harvey Karp (5S man) - I've seen him talking about it.

Much better day today, even though I had even less sleep. I resolved to be more patient and more positive and DD responded well. Thankfully.
Cheers for admitting your own losing-it moments, everyone! No it's not good, but at least I'm not the only one....

DD's had the runs today - four nappies-worth, and this from a chronic withholder! I wondered if I'd overdone the laxative, but actually I think she's got a tummy bug (doesn't seem to be causing her any discomfort). If I'd known that earlier, I could have saved myself a couple of sachets of Movicol!!

I shouted so much a few weeks ago I hurt my throat? and felt like shit for, well, weeks as it turns out?

get to the docs bg !!

BG how are you?

CP how is your DD today?

IC any improvement?

survival how are things? You've been quiet for the last few days

Waves to stoof, bc and scones

she's not been too good today. Very clingy and feverish. No sickness though.

CP

However she has said some darling things :)

Yesterday upon seeing the snow she told me that when we went outside we would have to wear hats, red hats, like Santa.

Today when standing next to the fridge when I was opening it 'Don't hit me mummy'. After a few times I asked her if I had hit her and she told 'No, but because I told you not to'

We spent quite a while playing with playdough today (the children did alternate naps) and made some snowmen. She just woke up shouting snowman before settling back down again.

CP sorry but I had to laugh at her hitting comments.

I'm quite envious of your LOs facility to speak properly. DS is no where near making sentences. I know what he means because I can feel the blanks but know MIL people look at him wondering what on earth he is talking about.

CP hope she picks up soon!

today at nursery, DS apparently tootled off to the loo, took his nappy off, climbed on and had massive poo. followed by three further similar trips for wees later in the day? not sure now whether to wait for when it works best for US to ditch the nappies (ie christmas when one or other of us is off work for a fortnight) or go with it and put his big boy pants on if he wants them tomorrow? whilst he's been having a wee on the potty before his bath for a few months, he's never wanted to try his big boy pants and we're happy not to push it until he's ready? erm, that looks like it might be now!

in other news, DD swam her first width all by herself without discs, floats, anyone near by?

oh, and apparently when Revd Jo (tis a CoE school!!) was in today and asked the kids what they were looking forward to at christmas, DD piped up with spending time with family and friends which is the most important thing

shoo, I jinxed myself with the sleep, DD2 is back waking at 6 am which is OK, but Oh! the luxury of waking up on your own time and have the 1st sip of coffee undisturbed!

BG how is your ear?

I think I have solved my Xmas dilemma, I will keep DD2 kitchen set for her birthday and buy this tent for Xmas. It is the same visual impact as the house for DD1 and about the same price and I am sure DD1 will want to play with it too

This parenting 2 children equally is hard!

Went to the GP this morning and now have a course of antibiotics. If my hearing doesn't return by the time I finish them I have to go back... .

Well done BG

I'm here (and sorry to hear about more illnesses). Have been making a donkey costume tonight for the school nativity play . Last night, it was an evening of puppet theatre making. I'm finding them good projects for taking my mind of the real world, but actually things have improved this week My full update on DS1 is on the group page on facebook. DH is stamping his feet that I'm not in bed. Night....

BG I hope you're feeling better thanks to the AB

survival well done on the donkey outfit. DS will be an angel at the pre-school nativity he's more a little devil than an angel but I guess it can't be a character of a nativity

mous it's good to know I'm not the only one to get those comments but it's still hurting despites knowing that with bilinguism it is to be expected. How is your DD2 speech going at the present?

I'm making lemon macarons as I type. I was aiming to use an eggless lemon curd but it seems the curd is a failure...

mous we have that tent - they love it!

BG hope the ABs starting to work.

IC we have been experiencing a taster of what you have been through and you have my utmost sympathies.

Following my slight mishandling of a runny poo the other day when she was ill and tired she suddenly started to withhold. Cue a very distressed DD last night waking every 30 mins until 2am (and then hourly), crying and kicking even though I had her in with me. Convinced her to go just before dinner so really really hoping that as she expressed surprise that it didn't hurt and was happy to carry on sitting on the potty that she will be more normal tomorrow. (we have history of hurty poos if she eats the wrong thing). We've loaded her up with orange juice. Told her that the poo wanted to go home to it's mummy and daddy (so she waved goodbye to it when it was flushed away), explained her tummy would stop hurting if she did it and finally did it when we said she was full of poo and we needed to just do a little one to make way for her favourite dinner, DHs fish.

CP Hope your dd feels better tomorrow. IC how is your dd getting on?

We had quite an unexpected problem with withholding when dd2 was poorly week before last. She had a touch of constipation, then tried to limit her liquid intake so she didn't need to go to the loo at all. Obviously then her concentrated wee hurt her sore bottom even more, so she refused to drink... And repeat. The day she was very very poorly and lay on the sofa all day she managed to not do a wee all day!! despite me plying her with juice and pink milk (too much Charlie and Lola here ) etc. I have no idea how she managed but as she was running a fever as well I guess she sweated it all out (and once asleep she soaked her nappy so much I changed her before I went to bed). Luckily things have calmed down a bit since and I have found that it works best if I let her get on with things herself even if it means she only wees about three times a day and goes days without doing a poo. I do keep an eye on it of course to make sure she doesn't go too long, but she is quite determined to do things her way. (It is rather marvellous when out and about because I don't have to worry about her needing to go at any point)

Well, as far as my ear is concerned I can't report any improvement yet (but then I have never had anything that responded to amoxicillin - why do they still prescribe it?). I'm pretty much deaf in my left ear apart from a lovely washing machine sound. It's meant that I have not bothered to go on two nights out this week because I couldn't see the point. I would not have been able to have a conversation with anyone especially in a noisy bar or restaurant, and being on AB means I shouldn't drink

Or maybe I have just started hibernating and prefer to sit in front of a nice fire...

Stoof Awwww That's a really sweet thing for your dd to say.

Wondered this week if dd2 is being overlooked a little bit in typical second child syndrome. She's surprised me several times this week doing things I had no idea she was capable off. This morning I found her on her own in her room doing quite a difficult jigsaw that she took from dd1's room (neither dh nor I initially believed she'd gone so far without help ). She's also brought me pictures this week that she had coloured in, taking care to keep within the lines (again initially I thought dd1 had done most of it ). And she comes out with witty comments, tries to make jokes, and has a much better memory than I thought. What totally cracked me up though was her reading a book with dh and saying 'Let me do it' and then putting on a different voice (including a deep Papa voice) for some of the characters. I wished I'd filmed that because it was hilarious.
Here's my new year's resolution: pay a little more attention to my younger child!!

oh BG second child syndrome - here! i've realised the last couple of weeks that whilst DS has had lots of attention from me the last 6 months, it's actually pretty much just been about his health? i've missed that he can climb the stairs safely himself, that he's got a wicked sense of humour, that he's far more polite than his sister has ever managed, that he can do jigsaws and so many other things (no colouring inside the lines here mind!!)

'much more polite than her sister has ever managed' - oh yes stoof, same here!! It amazes me that siblings can be so different!

DS has become obsessed with robots. He just goes around saying "I'm a robot" all day. I'm mummy robot apparently.

Couple of day ago we were in Sainsbury's and he ran up to the Malibu and said "is this what Grandpa likes"? - I said no so he went and said the same thing in front of the Basics Vodka.

He is off to the South Bank today with DH to see the Muppets Christmas Carol and there's a special chocolate market behind the festival hall.

I tried to find that chocolate market last year bc when I visited my sister in London on the train by myself for the weekend - well with the girls - looking back I cannot believe I did it We didn't find the market and ended up hibernating in the Haywood Gallery cafe which was lovely, warm, roomy and calm (other than DD1 running round knocking all the Christmas trees over).

Also bc I have been meaning to express my admiration ever since you wrote it, about how little TV your DCs watch. I can hardly believe that it was only last Christmas that DD1 started watching TV when my Dad bought her a Peppa Pig DVD. Now she watches about an hour every morning, up with DH before I get up (I only get out of bed with immense reluctance as he leaves the house) and sometimes an hour in the evening too if I am feeling fragile. It is meant to be 30 mins as I get their dinner ready but sometimes I can't resist a bit extra. What DID people do before TV, I constantly wonder.

Oh and snap on the second child syndrome too. I have hardly any video footage of DD2, even less than of DD1. And I just don't sit and read to her like I did with DD1. ANd all manner of things, as I think about it. She is such a chilled little soul that most of my attention is still focussed on DD1, which is exactly how DD1 likes it.

BG can you ask for a different AB? Your hearing will come back won't it? Do go back to your GP and bother him/her some more.

Survival glad to hear that things are improving. I will read your FB update in a minute. Hope you've had a restful weekend.

Mous love the tent! Is your DH workign at the moment? (Sorry to be nosy) Sounds like you are coping with a lot.

I had loads of things I wanted to post but have forgotten them all and now feel the time pressure as DH due back from B&Q any moment, ah here he is in fact. We need to Get On WIth Jobs while both DDs are asleep (oh precious, precious times!)

Yesterday we took them on a Santa steam train, DD1 loved it but started acting uip and tantrumming towards the end as so tired. Today DH did a 5k fun run dressed as a reindeer and pushing DD1 dressed as an Elf in the buggy. She did look cute and jingled her bells all the way round (Bad Mummy forgot her gloves though so her hands were nearly blue by the end ).

Love and waves to all, we're going to put off our chores for another 5 minutes and have a peaceful cup of for once.

BC me too following scones's post. DD2 is watching too much TV ("in romania") but I found it cruel to stop DD1 watching her programs now that DD2 is there.

Now theyare singing jingle bells in the shower (well "jiggy bell" for DD2).

SB DD2 is copying a lot but not really speaking anything coherent by herself yet! She also seems to forget quite easily from day to day, and has/had some other worrying trends. DD1 too, different ones, which all tend to be on the high functioning spectrum. Not enough to be referred but enough to be worried.

Scones no he doesn't, I don't really know how to deal with him anymore... 2 of my lessons are intensive and will stop next month... leaving me with only 10 h of work max (latin country which is prone to cancel everything at the last minute incl. DH's contract).

BG hope you get your hearing back soon!

Mous You are amazing holding it all together. I would be a wreck if DH wasn't working (and have no idea how I'd cope having him around all day. U would snap his head off).

DD2 just vomited up evening feed and dinner, hope it's not that sickness bug. I thought she'd already had it, very mildly. Loads of vomity mess to clear up when she's back down. Delightful.

DD1 still up as we've reluctantly conceded that an afternoon nap ( a good 2 hours ) means she won't go to bedusual time. She's downstairs watching Elf with DH - his festive favourite (mine is Muppet Christmas Carol).