March 2005 part 4 - The nights are getting quieter.....

[BonyM]

Not that I want to tempt fate...

Jambot, I've been using cows milk with Harrison's cereal from when he was about 7 months. I also use it in the cooking of any food I do for him. This is an extract from Annabel Karmel's website.

'Although breast or formula milk should be your baby's main drink for the first year, cow's milk can be introduced in small amounts in the preparation of solid foods from around 6 months. Always choose full fat pasteurised milk for children under the age of two.'

Harrison had his first taste of egg white at the weekend and seemed to like it. He has also eaten things with egg in (biscuits, meatballs etc). The main guideline I've seen with eggs in the UK is that they must be thoroughly cooked, so no runny yokes. We don't have the measles jab until 12-14 months so don't have to worry about that yet.

Buzzy - i'm really sorry about your friends dh. Its so so sad. I hope the funeral is OK tomorrow.

This is very long... but I need to get it off my chest....

We were in teh UK at the weekend for my cousins wedding. For me it ended up being a nightmare weekend !
It started badly on Thursday evening (before we had even left) when I innocently forgot to validate my ticket when I got on the bus. Of course it was the only time I have ever seen a ticket inspector , the thing that really winds me up is that I had a ticket, I had just forgotten to stamp when I got on the bus. To add to it they get you off the bus, surround you with police, fine you (about £40 annoying - not that bad), the bus doesn't wait of course, so I had to wait in freezing -3° for half an hour for the next bus knowing that Niklas was waiting for me to pick him up at nursery and dh wasn't answering his phone so I had no one to complain to about it ! I was still stewing about it when I went to bed that night.... tnen the next day the flight was delayed, normally I wouldn't care, but it just added to the stress especially when already very tired. Then we got to the wedding 'hotel' and teh room we had was SO tiny that there wasn't enough room to put up Niklas's travel cot and the bed was so small there was no way we could sleep all 3 in it. At £70 a night I was a little annoyed, I had expected a bit more and after having had several very bad nights with Niklas teething I needed a decent bed and a good nights sleep. The place didn't ahve any bigger rooms so we tried to find somewhere else to stay, but couldn't. On returning to the 'hotel' there was some discussion because they had given our room away even though she had promised not to until we told her if we had found somewhere else , she was then very rude to us, which was absolutely not the right thing to do with someone who is stressed, very overtired with sleep deprivation. I made my point to the woman (we should have been told the rooms were not suitable for families when we booked and that it wasn't unreasonable to ask for a bottle of water, extra sheets adn towels for the baby) in quite a strong way, my mum was there (she for some reason has a problem standing up to anyone or asking anyone for anything and would rather be uncomfortable) and tried to intervene which made me really lose my temper . This was really bad as I already have a very bad relationship with my mum at the moment and I was hoping the weekend would do us some good.
After moving all the extra bits of furniture out of the room we did get Niklas's cot in, only to find that it was so draughty on the floor (its a travel cot) that he was too cold sleeping there os had to sleep with us anyway!
After the wedding dinner I had to keep running to the toilet (I was the only one that had vegetarian food so not sure if I had a bug or bad food) and ended up going to bed around 10.30 as I felt so ill. The next day I had to put up with my stupid mother, aunt and uncle telling me what I had missed, how I should have pulled myself together and enjoyed it blah blah blah..... how dh (who went to bed with Niklas at 8pm - his own choice because he was so tired) had missed seeing what a proper English wedding was... who the hell cares, there will be another one and Niklas will be older, we won't be so tired etc..... i was just disappointed not to spend more time with my brohters, sisters and children. my mum couldn't gracefully accept my apology for losing my temper but had to go on about how I had to learn to cope with stress better .... what the hell does she know about me or my life, everytime I lose my temper she seems to be there....!!! I do lose my temper sometimes (doesn't everyone????) but I really have to be pushed, dh has NEVER seen me lose my temper before and I was really upset that he had seen the worst possible side of me. Luckily it he still loves me though !

I am so happy to be home! But now I have a bad cold and Niklas cried when we left him at the nursery this morning !

On the good side, everyone thought Niklas was adorable, his top tooth is almost through and he is much happier (but still slept very badly last night) and as I had a dodgy stomach all weekend I hardly ate anything and have lost 1.5kg ! And I bought Calpol and Lemsip in the UK - can't get either here !

Jambot - I am goign to try to avoid cows milk or eggs until 12 months although I think both shoudl be OK if you have a child that is not susceptible to allergies. Niklas seems to prefer to eat finger food and eats whole pieces of potatoes, vegatables, cheese and I have given him whole pieces of meat to chew on as well.

Oh Leo, poor, poor you It's awful isn't it when you look forward to something so much and then it all goes pear shaped.

Know what you mean about mum's though. DH and I got married 'in secret' a few years back as he's been married before and neither of us wanted the big white thing having been together so long already and having a child - it just didn't seem right.

Well, as far as my mother was concerned you would have thought I'd committed the crime of the century. The hardest thing was, she never said it to me (as my mum doesn't do confrontation), just told everyone how much I'd hurt her so I kept hearing everything second hand. Things got so bad that we didn't get invited to Xmas that year (my family always gets together on Xmas day) and it was so hard to explain to DD (who was only 4 at the time) why she couldn't be with her family

Hope you're feeling a bit better today and that Niklaus is OK. Harrison was dreadful when his top teeth came through but we seem to be OK (for now)

Have a nice day

Oh Leo, meant to ask - how was your outfit? Did you look super stylish. And what about Niklaus in his velvet suit - any piccies?

thanks Busy - are things OK with your mum now?

I'm feeling much better today (especially as I got it all off my chest a bit here), I'm over it (although I am trying to persuade dh to come home early so I don't have to take the bus home ).... I just don't know what to do about my mum. I need to spend time with her, but when I do it just makes it worse. And when i do it is too much in one go as we live too far away to just to spend the odd day together and work things out slowly. Kind of tempted not to see her at all for a very long time, but she is my mum, I love her, she is getting older and we need to work out how we can enjoy time together again. She is skiing with aunt and uncle in Switzerland in January, I am going to try to see her for a day then but there will be lots of other people around I guess.

It think I looked OK... Niklas looked adorable ! I will try to sort out photos tonight.

You know Leo, the best I could say about my mum and I is that we are OK. I don't think she'll ever forgive me for getting married without even telling her, never mind involving her in every decision (which is how she would have wanted it). For my part, I'll never be able to forget some of the awful things she said about me to other people. So we get on with things, but we both know it's there in the background

The trouble is, my mum and I are so different. She married my dad when she was 18, had three children within a short space of time, has never worked and has always depended on my dad to do everything and consequently, has little confidence or self-esteem (which I feel really sad about). I remember before my sister's wedding that my mum started having panic attacks that she would have to walk into the church on her own once my sister had arrived and thought everyone would be looking at her and gossiping about her outfit She is v.v.easily offended/hurt but once offended, she can't tell people she is upset with them so resorts to discussing her feelings with others, which can seem quite nasty. She doesn't have any longtime friends as they eventually do something to upset her and then she refuses to have anything more to do with them or they hear what she's been saying about them and refuse to have anything to do with her. I just don't understand this as I think friendship is something to be guarded and protected.

In my case, she sees me as the 'lost sheep of the family' as I have moved away from where they live (only about 40 miles but that's a lifetime away as far as she's concerned). It also doesn't help that my younger sister just lives around the corner from my parents and my mum is an integral part of her life and is involved in everything she does. She loves to feel 'needed' but living 40 miles away, I tend to just get on with things. Having said that, I always try and include her in important things (DD's school plays, sports day, birthday parties etc) but even that doesn't work as she feels that I only ask her to things when it suits me

So now, I just accept that's how it is. I phone her every week or so to say hello, I make sure she sees the children at least once a month and I tell her about anything I think she and my dad may want to come to. Like you say Leo, she's my mum, she's getting older and she's always done her best for me so now it's my turn to do the best I can, even if that doesn't quite match up to how she'd like it to be.

Wow, a whole load of physcobabble on a Tuesday lunchtime. Sorry everyone, got started and went on and on

Hi everyone - don't seem to get much time for this lately, but dh is away for 3 nights so I am having a little mumsnet time before I go to bed.

Busy - so sorry to hear about your friend's dh - hope the funeral tomorrow is as ok as funerals can ever be (that doesn't sound quite right, but you know what I mean - I hope).

Leo - what a terrible time you had at the weekend - sounds like a complete nightmare. I bet you were glad to be home.

The place for the meet-up sounds good Busy - I don't think we have any commitments next March but can double-check with dh when he is home. If everyone else is bringing their other children then I will bring dd as well - I think she is the same age as your dd (7)?

Well, Grace now has her two bottom teeth and is now giving me the odd nip when feeding . I stop feeding as soon as she does it so hope she gets the message soon that it's not the done thing! She is crawling like mad - still mainly commando style but she is now doing a little bit of "proper" crawling as well. Has also started pulling herself up on the sofa and cruising from one end to the other. Her favourite thing at the moment is using my lap as a trampoline and bouncing as high as she can (with me lifting her) - she thinks it's hilarious and I'm sure it must give my triceps a good work-out as it doesn't half hurt after a while!

Heard from one of my friends yesterday that her baby has chicken pox - we were with them last Thursday which means that she would have been contagious so I am just praying that Grace doesn't get it for Christmas. Incubation period is about 10 days apparently so we should know by this weekend.

Have a good night everyone.

I've stayed at home sick today... its very strange to be here on my own just lazing around. I keep checking Niklas's cot thinking he must be asleep!

Busy - it sounds as if you are making a big effort to keep your mum involved in yours and your children's lives. Well done! I hope that I can revive my tolerance and patience again with my mum again.

Bonym - Ouch - Niklas used to nip me when he first got teeth, but I think it was only when he was getting use to his new teeth.

I didn't mention that a week or so ago I breastfed Niklas for the last time. I expected to feel strange, unhappy or guilty about it, but I don't. I reduced very gradually (and it seemed to be natural) that I don't think he even noticed!

Poor you, Leo, I hope you feel better soon. Is Niklas taking a bottle nowadays or do you use a cup? I was sorry to read of your weekend in the UK. Have you read "Noites from a small island" by Bill Bryson? Your tale of the hotel reminded me of the first chapter in there.

I hadn't spoken to my mum and sister for 2 years (only "hello, yes, fine" on the phone when they called), sad story so I won't go into it now. We are OK again but something will forever be broken, I feel. My sis is trying to come to visit me early next year. I haven't seen her in over 3 years. It doesn't help that she lives in Cyprus and my parents are in Romania, so rifts are difficult to heal long-distance.

I have discovered sleeping bags! Is this a secret you all knew and kept from me? I found a cheap one in Sainsbury's (£10) and Sylvia has been in it for these past few nights. It really seems to help her keep asleep for longer as I think she's a bit more confined and doesn't kick about as much. In the morning she looks like a catterpillar trying to crawl inside it.

This morning I observed Sylvia picking a book from a shelf in the bookcase, holding it in both her arms while standing all by herself, then slowly and gently letting herself down into a squatting position. She has stood up for a few seconds at a time, but this morning it was such a smooth movement.

I'm going to the office to attend a lecture this afternoon. Bye all, I hope you're all well.

Sorry that so many of you seem to have difficult relationships with your mothers. My mum and I are pretty good most of the time, but she is rather outspoken and has a tendency to be critical which does lead to some tension on occasion. She'll say something like "Oh, you've had your hair cut" and then nothing more, or "Hmm you're wearing that dress/top/skirt today". Being an ultra-sensitive sort, I probably get unnecessarily upset sometimes. Minor stuff though really.

Christina - sorry we've been keeping the sleeping bags secret! Not intentional! They are great though, aren't they? We've had Grace in one since birth - I used sheets and blankets for DD1 and think the bags are so much better.

Clever Sylvia! All our babies seem to be so mobile these days - I find it hard to believe that it was only a few months ago they were tiny helpless little things that didn't do anything very much!

Sorry to hear that you're sick Leo - maybe all the stress of the weekend has made you run down? I always seem to get things when I'm stressed. I stopped b'feeding dd1 at about this age - she was at nursery and like you and Niklaus, we just reduced it bit by bit until she gave up of her own accord really. No idea when I'll stop feeding Grace - the longer I continue the longer I can see myself continuing. She is still not great at drinking out of any sort of cup or bottle so not really sure how we would manage if I stopped feeding her.

Have a good day everyone.

What a sad day Went to the funeral and I was shocked by how awful my BF looked. She seemed to be in a daze and was just shaking and shaking. Her step-son literally dragged her down the aisle behind the coffin and if he hadn't been there next to her throughout the service, I think she'd have collapsed. She looked so frail and vulnerable and I can't get the picture of her haunted face out of my mind.

It's made me think how lucky I am to have such a wonderful DH and two beautiful, healthy children.

Harrison seems to have sensed how upset I've been since getting home and he's been really tearful all evening. Have put him to bed, going to get DD off next and am then going to write my BF a letter telling her how much she means to me so she knows I'm here for her now she's on her own

Give all your little ones an extra big hug and kiss tonight

Busy - so devastating for your friend and you must feel so helpless. What do you say to someone in this situation? At least she has good friends like you to help her through it.

Argh - computer troubles galore in this house! Blasted thing keeps crashing, then it takes about 8 reboots to get our broadband connection running, by which point Iris has woken up or is demanding attention, and by the time I return the computer has crashed again. Repeat this ad infinitum for serious frustration and mumsnet deprivation .

Otherwise - all well. After weeks of exhaustion and Iris being miserable and grumpy due to her 5am starts we finally bit the bullet and let her cry in the morning, having tried every other 'return to sleep' strategy in the book. It was pretty horrible, but she is now sleeping through till 6 or 6.30am and is a different child. A friend came to visit and commented that she's never seen Iris so happy. Amazing what an extra hour's sleep can do. And interestingly she's started sleeping more during the day too. More sleep = more sleep, it seems!

I think I'm ok for the suggested meet-up dates. To be honest we are in total pre-Christmas chaos here. Still writing cards, not even remotely finished shopping. The only thing under control is my mince pie making. Have discovered Nigella's scrummy recipe in Feast, and we have mince pies coming out of our ears!

Leo - that weekend sounds ghastly. Poor you. I think you've earned an extra special bit of self-indulgence time after all that.

Busy - so so sad about your friend. A letter is a good idea - lets her know you're there. That's all you can do - keep reminding her she's got friends to call on.

On the food front - I've been wondering about cows milk on cereal too. I've been a bit careful due to my eczema, asthma, nut allergy history. So far I've been expressing my own milk to make Iris porridge, but frankly when I go back to work I'm not going to have time. I think it'll be cows milk from then on.

As for eggs - we're due to try those soon too. I've been told that the egg yolk is the least allergenic bit, so to start with those. Moving onto whites later, so interesting jambot that you've been told to do it the other way round!

Iris is back to eating pretty well. We still mix everything together. Yesterday she had spinach, chickpea and sweet potato, then chicken and courgette, today cauliflower cheese (her first real dairy experience!), later some lamb stew. That's a fairly representative sample. Plus I try to do finger foods - she loves rice cakes and cooked carrot and parsnip. Not great on anything else - tends to gag on pear and apple, even if very soft.

Lauren has just been to see Father Christmas and has had her photo taken. Thought she might be a bit scared of him but she was totally relaxed. Such a cute photo too. Will put it on the bucket soon.

Hooray, Pidge is back Was wondering where you'd got to and whether you'd done a bunk to avoid our meet-up Glad to hear all is OK and that Iris is doing so well at night. Wish we could crack the 5am waking, which is slowly getting earlier and earlier, but haven't the heart whilst I can see a tooth waiting to pop through. DD has broken up from school now so may try in the Xmas hols as if he wakes the whole house in protest of not being got up and cuddled back to sleep, DD and I can have a nap when he does.

Everyone coming to the meet-up - KEEP SATURDAY MARCH 11TH FREE (unless BonyM comes back once spoken to DH and says no)

Harrison fell asleep on the way back from school this morning ....... and woke up at midday Had another nap at about 3.30ish and still went to bed at 7 and sparked out. Wow, what's that all about????? He's also eating like a right piggy wig after his recent hunger strike so I'm wondering if he's having a growth spurt (might also account for the early wakings?). I've put him into a forward facing car-seat today as I just can't carry him anymore in his baby seat. He loves it

Have been trying to write a letter to my friend since last night but the words won't come. I'm off to try again now.

Jambot, can't wait to see the piccie of Lauren and Santa

Busy - 11th March is in my diary. It should be fun meeting people in person.

Got a photoalbum of Caleb for friends and family to see and i've got a picture of him crawling and what happens when he got hold of DP (empty) mug! here

Won't be able to do the meetup as money is very tight, things might be different March time but I can't see it happening. For everyone still breast feeding, how much do you bf each day? I'm trying to only bf Caleb 3 times a day but usually end up 4 or 5 times. Want to stop by the time he's a year old but that only gives me about 8 weeks!

What presents have you all got for your little ones? We've not got anything specific for Caleb as he's getting spoilt rotten by grandparents, aunties ect. If I see a toy I tend to buy it there and then so I don't feel too guilty!

serena is getting a drop and roar dino, and some peek a boo blocks. thats it.

hopefully i'll be able to make the meet-up in march.

Caleb is so sweet. He looks like a little boy (I mean rather than baby), must be the hair.

We haven't bought anything for Sylvia yet and wouldn't probably bother, only Dominic will notice that she's not getting anything and he'll wonder why. He still believes in FC (he's 6). I'll get her a toy or two. She only has one doll that is her own, the rest of the toys used to be Dominic's and he won't let us forget that! ("No Sylvia, I need the Action Man/car/train. I need them all. Now.")

Misdee and Calebsmum, really hope you can make the meet-up as it would be great to meet you and little ones.

We've bought Harrison a few toys for the same reason as Cristina, DD will want to know why Father Xmas forgot him if we don't. He's got a starshaker thingy from ELC, some peek a block toys and a shape sorter.

Off now to look at Caleb's photo album.

Caleb is so lovely. If Harrison picked a cup up, he'd put it on his head - seems to think that's what he has to do with everything other than hats, which have to be taken off !!!

Back again making the most of our computer actually behaving itself for 5 minutes!

Calebsmum - what a cutie he is! I'm still breastfeeding, 4 times a day. Though thinking I'll drop the mid-morning feed in Jan when I return to work. Out of interest why do you want to stop by the time he's one? Totally understandable if you feel ready to move on, but I know a lot of people feel pressure to stop feeding when they'd be happy to keep going. Personally I have no plans to quit until Iris shows she's ready. It's difficult to say this without sounding like some extended breastfeeding bore. Obviously the right time to stop is when you're ready. I fed dd1 till she was 2, but I really think it's individual choice whether you feed at all, or stop at 3, 6, 12 months or whatever. If you do want to drop feeds you could try replacing the milk with some nice finger food snacks, or see if cuddles and a story will give the required 'snuggle up to mum' time! Good luck.

Should be ok for the 11th - though it's 2 days after Iris turns one, so dp might have to be persuaded that we won't hold her party that day!!

On the morning waking front - we seem to have gone backwards again. It's been pre 6am for the last two days, and bizarrely she's only slept an hour during the day too. I don't get it. Anyway, good to know I'm not the only one rising early. I'm trying not to actually feed her until 6.30am so she gets the idea that it might be nice to snooze a bit longer. Fond hope!

OMG - DD has contracted hand foot and mouth She's been a bit under the weather for a few days (again) but has had the horrible cough I had a few weeks back so I put it down to that. Yesterday she started complaining that her feet were itchy and her face looked a bit puffy as well. She woke up this morning and her hands feet and her face are covered in blotches. Poor little thing

Apparently it's very common in children (the doctor said that very quickly when I screeched as they told me what she had) but it's very contagious so highly likely that Harrison will get it

She's now dozed up on piriton for the itching and calpol for her temperature and I'm watching Harrison like a hawk for any signs of itching or redness.

On top of that, his fifth tooth has just started to cut through his gum this morning, so he's screaming everytime a bottle, cup or spoon goes anywhere near his mouth.

Not quite the relaxing weekend I had in mind the week before the masses descend upon us for Xmas.

Pidge if the 11th is difficult, we can easily to the Sunday before. Let me know.