Is anybody else angry about Cameron blaming single parents for the riots?

[Twylah]

As a single parent I am very upset and angry about Cameron blaming single parents for the riots.

I am taking it personally (although I wasn't involved) because he is vilifying and undermining the great work that many single parents do. Bad parenting can happen in 1-parent families but it also happens when there are two parents. It has also been proved that children's health can be affected in a negative way if the parents are constantly arguing. A child's emotional intelligence can also be undermined if the relationships within the family are negative.

It seems to me that the Tories have been waiting for a chance to vilify us. Many single parents, like myself, do paid work as well as voluntary work in their community.

At the moment I feel marginalized and I don't feel that I belong to Cameron's Utopia of 2 parent families where life is beautiful.

As someone who was brought up by a single parent, who did remarry, I can honestly say that my childhood traumas began when my stepfather joined our family. He sexually and physically abused me and other members of my family.

In my opinion 2-parent families are not always a good thing but as a single parent I would welcome sharing familial responsibilities as it can make life easier. However, this only works when the relationships within the family are positive. None of this is considered in the discussions around living in a 2-parent family.

I also think that structural issues such as the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer should be considered. I am not saying that being poor means that you should cause damage but I am well aware of some of the frustrations that people are feeling at the moment. (I am definitely now one of them!)

There is a saying that people will either talk or torch. Many people have been on the peaceful protests and have signed petitions but life still seems to be getting harder for the majority of people. Only people earning over £100,000 seem to be OK.

Who will be looking in to this? It is too easy to blame single parents who are vulnerable in many ways.

adamschic - your point about making women unemployable may be coming true; many more women's jobs have gone in the recession. So now they're unemployed benefit scroungers. Hurrah! Still their fault! Not Cameron's, not poverty, not inequality. So that's OK then.

Glad to hear that Rabbit, a lot of married women arn't so lucky and that's why they end up being single parents. It's good that they have the choice nowadays, dont you think?

I think it is good to have the ability to leave a toxic relationship and I think a lot of single parents are better off as single parents than with the partners they separated from - I've already said this in several ways on this thread. That is not the same thing as saying that it is good to be a single parent, only that it isn't the worst thing that can happen to you.

Obviously it is silly to blame women for the fact that so many relationships fail - why on earth would it always be the woman's fault that a relationship failed??? Amongst my friends, it was far more often the man who walked out on the relationship, anyway. And why would it be the woman's fault that she's the one left looking after the children? There are many men out there who need to change the way they behave if they don't like the status quo. But surely it's better to work out if there is any way that men and women can learn to get on better together than to assume that they never can and that women are better off bringing up children on their own?

In years gone by, too many people stayed in relationships for far too long because single mothers could not support their children without their husband's income. Yes it would be nice if parents stayed together but I don't believe that most people walk away from their relationships when children are involved unless things are seriously bad. There are hundreds of threads on here where women are trying to hold together a seriously toxic relationship because they don't want to distress their children.

There is fuck all basis for Cameron blaming single parents for the riots - he has not made a single analysis of the backgrounds of the offenders. It is, as ever with him, a kneejerk, vote-seeking, reaction.

I guess it's a matter of opinion as to whether things have swung too far in the other direction from the days when too many people tried to stay in relationships when they shouldn't have done. I agree, however, that single parents aren't to blame for the riots. All of us are guilty of creating and accepting a society in which this sort of behaviour can happen on such a big scale. Picking a minority scapegoat and giving it a good kicking doesn't seem to be a great and effective improvement on society to me. It's hard to see how that will set us back on the right track.

Live overseas...sorry...what did Cameron actually say? We get lots of reported twaddle here but I didn't hear what he actually said.

dreamingofthesun, I am going to be blunt, I think moving your neice was an incredibly selfish thing to do. I always put my children first and would never have anything to do with a new partner who did not do the same. It is so disruptive to move a child during GCSE's.

Single parents are always blamed as they are an easy target. But lets not forget who sent all the single parents to work so they can not be there at home in the school holidays or after school. The govt. can not have it both ways.
While a working couple can afford holiday activities while they are at work a single wage (usually) can not. You can't force all single parents into work and then blame them for not being there or knowing where their children are. Where I live I have noticed that there is a very strong work ethic amongst black both carribean and african, single mothers. I see more white single mothers working either part time or not at all. I believe that it is everyones choice. Women in the 60's and 70's fought hard for choice. If a person wants to stay at home and look after their children they should be able to whether single or a low paid couple. We are supposed to be welfare SOCIETY. It is a very important decision and no-one can tell another person what to do, some people want to work outside the home and others do not and the govt. should provide a wage for those that do. After all they pay for thousands of young girls mainly to learn childcare so instead of paying so much for that, they could pay mothers to look after their own children.

Also the govt is always going about parenting classes and eating properly, knowing how to cook, and always these comments and offers of classes or counselling are directed at the POOR. You are poor therefore you are a thick twat who sits about all day and is absolutely the worst type of parent. I have heard on more than one occasion some expert spouting on about spending time with your children and listening to them and being with them, doing activities ect. BUT just which part of our society sends its offspring away when they are 7 ? The rich and the politicians. Not the thick poor. By the way am I the only poor single parent who is absolutely sick of the patronising messages in the news about how we should make sure our toddlers have enough physical activity and how we should take they swimming, go to toddler gym classes, run about with them, go to playgroups. Do they really believe we are all that stupid. That is all I did when my 4 were young. There are plenty of fat ,maladjusted and ignorant rich people. I actually heard someone on radio 4, who thought they were being all liberal and kind, say that people who lived on council estates did not know how to chop vegetables.

I think David Cameron has a very good point. 75% of young male offenders do not have fathers around. A single mother trying to bring up children alone is very hard, particularly if the mother did not could not or would not insitll respect for others or herself in that child. How can a woman possibly stop an 18 year old boy, perhaps over 6ft from doing exactly as he pleases? Is she capable in trying to stop him at 14 going out at night and getting up to all sorts? No, boys need strong male role models, sadly lacking in our 'liberated' society.
That's not to say that some women can't bring up boys alone and make a good job of it the majority do, it's just that for some it is much, much harder.

Ironman, where did you get your stats from. The Daily Mail?

15% of children from 2 parent families are flawed and 25% of children from one parent families. That means that 85% from 2 parent families turn out ok and 75% from one parent families. The other significant factors when looking a flawed adult's childhoods are attributed to poverty (much more likely in a one parent family) and conflict between parents, (very much more likely in a one parent family at the point of them becoming a one parent household). So the conclusion is that being a single parent household per say has no effect on and child turning into a well adjusted adult.

This information was from a programme that the singer Jamilia presented last week. The information is from intensive, lengthy studies undertaken by a university. I didn't catch which one, rather than knee jerk headlines from the Tory press. If we are referring to the recent riots it's impossible to tell how many come from one parent families isn't it?

I'm not quite sure what you mean about children being "flawed" adamschic? How do you become an officially flawed child for the statistics?

I used the term 'flawed' to mean people who go off the rails. The bad type of behaviour that people who are raised by single mums are accused of.

Am posting again as I am interested. What did he actually say?
(I live overseas so didn't hear).
Please can someone tell me.

When looking at 'Britain Britain' he mentioned a few factors to blame for the riots and one was 'Children without Fathers'. It all there on the web.

Sorry I cannot do links.

Has anyone done the research? What % of those arrested/charged/convicted came from LP families?

Obviously there are some wonderful children raised by a single parent, but I do know that when writing letters home giving notice of detention recently, my teacher sister started addressing the first envelope "Mr & Mrs" out of habit. The first name on the list was Miss X, so she saved the first envelope to use later and wrote 17 envelopes without being able to use the first one. She's Head of Year, she hadn't dished out all those detetions. I think it was a week's worth for the year group!

I've no idea if "most" of the rioters were the product of single parents, but I'm not surprised there is this perception. The great sadness of course is that the LP is the one who stayed and took responsibility, the absent one doesn't get this criticism at all.

Your sister should keep her prejudices to herself. Lot's of two parent families aren't Mr and Mrs either.

Quite adam, but why is stating a fact prejudiced? She told me about it because she was surprised and laughing at her own early mistake. Maybe being an unmarried two parent family is the root of all evil too