vicar says no...

[HerHonesty]

have just had my daughter "turned down" to be baptised by vicar on account of me not being baptised, and husband not attending church regularly.

to give some background, i attend church regularly, consider myself in spirt and in my heart to be a christian. My background is multifaith, but my family has always told me it what your believe and follow in your heart to be more important than the outward badge/manifestation of your faith. it is for this reason i have chosen not to be baptised, but I wanted something different for my daughter.

i am so frustrated! or am i unreasonable, in asking church to "stretch the rules"?

i

I think YABU, op.

In baptism, you have to make promises on behalf of your child. If you can't make these same promises for yourself, then how can you make them for your child?

You can have a Thanksgiving for your child instead of a baptism.

I don't think there is a legal obligation to be baptised before your child is baptised (though it does matter that your godparents are baptised in order to be "godparents" rather than "sponsors") but it does seem strange that you would want to make promises about the Christian faith for your child that you are not willing to make for yourself. If this is part of your route towards the idea of being baptised yourself eventually and adopting the Christian faith as the one you personally subscribe to in the main, then a vicar should have no problem really if you discuss this further with them, and theoretically should not be able to object to baptising any child brought to them anyway.

I think it is important to work out why this baptism is important to you and what meaning it has for you and for your child, and what it means in respect of your faith. I wish you all the best.

I'm with the others- I think the difficulty for the vicar is that you want to have a baptism for your child, and make promises on their behalf, that you're not willing to make for yourself. It might seem to him that you're not really taking the sacrament of baptism seriously.

If you do want a baptism for your child, as opposed to a thanksgiving, then I think you need to speak to the vicar again. If he really is not prepared to baptise your child, then ask if he can put you in touch with someone else to discuss the issue- e.g. his bishop or another member of the clergy.

I don't think the vicar is necessarily acting "appalling" as another poster has suggested. It's just that baptism has a very specific meaning to Christians and your post seems to suggest you might not really understand that or consider it important in having a faith. Which is fine, if that's what you believe, but then why do you want your daughter baptised? Do you see the dilemma?

What makes the Christian faith unique is that the Gospel says that to be a Christian, you must believe that Jesus died for your sins, and that only He can save you, and that you want Him to be your Lord and Saviour.

The Christian faith is exclusive, and you really can't truly claim to be 'multi-faith' if you are including Christianity.

So, if you are practicing Christianity, that has to include a committment to Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour to the exclusion of all others.

If that is the case, it brings the question back to why it is a problem for you to be baptised? And if that is a problem, do you truly intend your DD to be brought up with Jesus as the centre of your family? Because regardless of the ceremonial nicities, that is what a parent commits to do when they are baptising a child.

Do you think the thanksgiving is an option? In my church (evangelical free) we don't do christening/baptism of infants. Instead with do 'dedications', which is a commitment to raise our child in the Christian faith until such time as they can choose for themselves.

DH1 decided he wanted to be baptised when he was 9... I was baptised the same day. My Mum had let me choose and although I had been to church regularly as a child (on my own, my parents are atheists) I finally did it at 30.

My other 2 children are adopted and we had a service of dedication and thanksgiving the day after the adoption went through. Ds2 has asked if he can be baptised (he is 10), so I have told him to have a good think and tell me why he wants this. I see it as a big commitment.

I understand your Vicar's hesitation... how old is your DD? You could have the welcome without the baptism until she was older.

I don't feel I missed out on not being baptised as a child... I think it being my decision made it more special for me.