Do you ever feel that you 'live in your head' and that real life can never quite meet your expectations?

[BridesheadRegardless]

Not sure if this is the right topic for this, or if I will be able to really express what I mean, but I'll give it a go.

I feel that I 'live in my head' too much, and I know this means that I miss really fully enjoying and enagaging in life.

I love to plan. I am always planning; christmas, holidays, parties, what I'll wear what I'll cook, etc etc. I get great pleasure from planning, but no events ever quite live up to my expectations.

For instance: I have nice holidays, I love being on holiday, but I always have a feeling that the best part was looking forward to it and then thinking of it afterwards, and I know this means I am actrually really missing the moment.

I'm always planning the next thing, or nostalgic for times gone by. (I love oraginising photos and memory boxes etc).

Also, Christmas has got me thinking about this. I've always been aware that when people are asked about chritmas they usually/often reply 'oh it was really lovely, we relaxed and played with the kids, had a great rest.' I tend to think, yes mine was fine I did everything that you seemed to do, i know that it was good but I can't quite feel the wonderfulness of it.

Does anyone KWIM??

I'd quite like to explore this idea, see if others can relate to it and explain it better than me, and also suggestions for ways of really appreciating the moment more.

I'm so aware of time passing and my boys growing, I sometimes feel a huge sadness that it will all be gone and I won't have appreciated it enough at the time.

BridesheadRegardless - I get you. I sooooo get you! Well, I think I do ... after all, I'm the one in my head, so I can only guess at what goes on in others'! But your description fits ... a certain unease in the present; a wishing there was more; a thinking "is this it?"; wishing life away.

Have you tried meditating? It not only brings you into the present; but it also has the ability to put you in touch with something that is, indeed, "more than this".

Whatever you choose to do, I feel that the search needs to be inward, and not outward. The outer world will never give you what you're looking for. Not because it's not good enough, but because you're grasping for a part of you, and not something outside of you. Meditation can introduce you to that.

I have tried meditation. i found it very difficult but just occasionally I got it, and I felt that just 'being consious' was enough and amazing in itself IYSWIM?

But being me I have not maintained or pursued it. I would like to though.

I'll think about it....

Does it work for you whatnolunch?

Yeah, well, it's a case of "do as I say, not as I do" right now! I used to meditate ... and, my goodness, when it started working, it really worked!

But with that inlet to another way of seeing things comes resistance ... such a dichotomy, really ... and I have struggled to incorporate it into my life of late. So I'm being philosophical about it and being easy on myself, while at the same time being aware that there is a part of me that simply loooooves to self-sabotage any project that shifts consciousness!!! D'oh!

I totally get you, I feel exactly the same. I don't feel alive unless I am planning something, a holiday, a party, even the evening meal. Yet the ends never justify the means, they never live up to the expectation of what was meant to be in my head.

Like you I have imaginary conversations in my head, I constantly rework conversations that I have actually had with people and play them out again with the words that should have been said.

It feels like my life never gets to 5th gear, even when I am doing the most exciting thing or visiting the most amazing places. I think maybe I am too controlling, I have controlled my own emotions to such an extent that I can not let go even if it's in my own interest to let go.

Again I like to volunteer for things and do stuff but end up resenting the commitment of time it takes for me to do these things.

"I even imagine conversations, and then I'm disapointed when others don't know thier 'lines' and say something crappy instead"

yep, regularly do this!

I too can 'live in my head' too much, despite enjoying socialising and sport etc, I think this is what attracts me to certain friends and also DH, as I llike having people around me that force me out of this habit...
don't think I would want to live in the real world all the time though

I experienced this with Christmas, I was so excited for it, then it was like ....nothingness, the day after I was totally feeling let down.

I used to be very like this; constantly running a commentary in my head of what I was doing, what other people were doing and why. When I am on my own I still always play out scenarios of better versions of situations I have been in, or future ones that might arise.

I am not as bad as I was, and I think that this has a lot to do with feeling much more confident in myself. I quite literally was very 'self-conscious' - constantly conscious of what I was doing, why, and how it might appear to an observer. I think that I was always worried that other people might not consider that my life was quite 'good enough', and so I needed to be a detached observer in my own life in order to check this. Once I was able to tell that self-referencing voice to shut up a bit, and not to continually comment on the here and now, I actually started to enjoy what I was doing a lot more.

I can't really say though whether I am happier because I now feel less self-conscious, or if I am less self-conscious because I am happier with myself.

I don't think there is anything wrong with making plans and positive visualisation, but it is important to switch of that assessing voice when you are actually doing it.

will come back later.
I relate a lot to this

I would say that I have a rich internal fantasy life and always have done. I'm generally happy with my own life, but I like to daydream a lot.

I guess it's my way of experiencing things that I otherwise wouldn't be able to. Does that sound strange?

Sometimes I have have to force myself to be 'in the moment' because I'm enjoying my own thoughts too much, but on the upside, I'm almost never bored or lonely.

Brideshead, I am just the same!

A lot of the time, I'm remembering the past, imagining the future or imagining some fantasy life (no not always like that).

My Zen reading teaches me to try to live NOW. And that now is the only reality, all the rest is just dreams.

So I often bring myself back to now, and now is so rich & fulfilling I wonder why I ever drift away from it.

Hi everyone I live like this too!

I can identify with the planning, take holidays for example-
I book them over a year in advance, research everything on the internet(best beaches, restaurants, days out etc), plan what clothes to take......and then when one holiday is over I plan for the next.
I suppose its because I like to be in control of things, my Mum is just the same too.

I do however feel as if I am missing out on the present by planning for the future so much. I have just started to look into meditation so I am interested in what has been said about it helping to focus on the present.