Wrestling with thoughts about mortality and religion - any thoughts?

[WhatsItAllAboutThen]

(Have namechanged for this, as I want to be very frank.)

So here's the thing. Ever since my children were born I have been turning over the idea of mortality in my head.

I have to admit to being utterly terrified at the prospect of not existing any more - the thought of ceasing to be just fills me with utter dread and fear.

So I've found myself wondering about an afterlife - whether there is one, whether it would be comforting to believe in one? But I can't reconcile an afterlife with my rational, scientific approach to what I believe about the universe.

And yet, when I truly consider the prospect that we are, after all, just a tiny species on a tiny rock in a vast, spinning universe that cares not one jot whether I personally live or die....well, I feel like someone in the Total Perspective Vortex from the HitchHiker's Guide. It actually makes me catch my breath in terror.

So what next? Is religion a viable way of keeping the fears at bay? Or does believing in God in order to be less scared at 3am just sound like convenience, rather than true faith?

Do I take a Kantian approach, and say it is morally necessary to assume the existence of God?

I don't feel that I truly, deep down, believe in a God. Any God. But when I'm in a crisis, I do pray to something! So what's that all about?

How do I deal with the fear? And am I bonkers, or does anyone else feel like this?

OK, here's my take on it (first post on mumsnet!)

I think the worry of drying, and the hope in an afterlife is what has driven religion since the beginning of humanity ? in addition of course to the wonder of the universe and how we find ourselves here.

A few years ago in my twenties, I too found myself consumed with fear about death and became very concerned with the thought that I may go to hell as I didn't believe in the things Christianity taught. I worried about this for quite some time, finally deciding (at that time) that although the evidence for the Big Bang is very strong, it couldn't explain where all the matter in the universe had come from, and how life started. I decided that their MUST be a creator. A whole weight had been lifted off my mind and I even began to feel smug that now I had found my Christian faith, I would have my place in heaven and all the non-believers were idiots! Looking back, I can see why people can be taken in so easily with religion, especially the scientifically uneducated; making them feel reassured and less pent up, stressed and worried, perhaps accounting for the revelation feeling, and that they ?can feel God all around them?

Nowadays I am a total non-believer in any of the organized religions, because they contradict science and because they paint a picture of an all seeing all loving god who has a hand in everyone's life ? something I believe is simply not true because of all the injustice in the world (?God works in mysterious ways? and ?It's all part of Gods plan? is not sufficient enough an explanation for me). I also find it ridiculous that God would apparently sentence you to an eternity in hell if you don't believe in Him, despite any evidence. There are many other reasons why I choose not to believe.

However, I am not sure I would call myself an atheist, more of an agnostic, as my intuition tells me the cosmic process that humankind has learnt so much about must have started sometime/somewhere/by something ? so how can we rule anything out just because we haven't yet learned it through science? Who knows, their could be an afterlife, or even some form of reincarnation process of all life on earth ? probably not though.

I have always found it comforting to know that respected figures like David Attenborough are non-believers and don't seem distressed by death. Watching his documentaries leaves me feeling touched by the wonder of life and feeling lucky to alive. Most importantly though, I recommend turning to Richard Dawkins in a time like this. His new book ?The Greatest Show On Earth? has just been released on Amazon and is out in the shops in a few days. It details the evidence for evolution and although it sounds like you don't need any convincing of that, I can pretty much guarantee you'll feel better after reading it ? I think he has a real way with words, making the prospect of us being tiny specs in an unfathomably large universe sound thrilling rather than frightening. This new book of his has received 5 star ratings in all the book reviews; I can't wait for my copy to arrive.

Also, reassure yourself with the knowledge that we humans have never had it better in terms of quality of life. We've got healthcare, medicine, etc, so when the end does eventually come, it will hopefully be relatively painless. Also, in terms of the life we lead as humans, I think we are lucky we are alive in this day and age rather than at a previous time in our ancestry timeline when life was dangerous and fraught with danger and just surviving was difficult. At least we are fortunate enough to have the time to ponder our morality and chat about it on the World Wide Web!

Remember that your existence will have an impact on the future though the education and the DNA you pass to your children.

With regard to prayer, I think it can have a positive effect in a difficult time (on the person doing the praying). I have silently prayed in bed during worrying times and it has always made me feel better. Whether this is a psychological effect or not, I don't know.

And have you namechanged again?

A lot of people are turned off religion because they think that it contradicts science. However this is a recent belief (17th century) as Karen Armstrong brilliantly explains in her book "The Case for God". Before the 17th century, people did not think in those terms (religion vs science). They did not take the Bible literally at all. They thought in terms of symbols and myths.
We cannot approach God through reason, explains Ms Armstrong. Throughout the centuries people have approached God through prayer, study of the Scriptures, and living a good life, and they knew that it takes work. Religion does not contradict science, they belong in two totally separate fields. Look inside your soul, said St Augustine, the world can teach us nothing about God. I think Karen Armstrong's book should be read by atheists, agnostics, and believers alike. She is what you might call an agnostic by the way.
I believe in God not because I need an explanation for the universe, not because I am afraid of death, but because I have felt his presence, and because I believe that He helped me after my father died and after I lost my baby last year.
Fantasy? Well, maybe. But people spend years and thousands of pounds in therapy and never get the sense of joy and peace that can shine through even the darkest hours. "Let each one, in his own path, seek in peace for the light." (Voltaire).

Oh, and "Seek, and ye shall find".