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Philosophy/religion

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Original poster

"God is Bollox"

39 replies

QuintessentialShadows · 14/08/2008 21:16

I am a Christian. I dont go to Church a lot, but I believe. All I do, on a religious note, is evening prayer with my sons.

When i met dh he was Catholic. He insisted our sons were baptized in the Catholic Church. Our oldest started a Catholic School, when he started reception 2 years ago. My oldest believes in God and has a religious outlook.

Suddenly my dh resents this. He has changed his mind about religion, has decided God is bollox, and tries to convince our son the same. He says God is not real, you dont need God, you might as well pray to this cup of water, ridiculing our son. I think it is despicable, and pretty close to ground for divorce.

What can I say or do?
He is kicking up such a fight at bedtime, refuse that I do evening prayer with the boys.

HE wanted them baptized Catholic. He wanted them in Catholic school, now he is trying to convince them GOd is just imagination like Santa Clause.

I dont need to hear how ridiculous he is. I need practical help and suggestions to convince him he is doing the kids more harm by arguing about God in front of them, than by just letting me do the evening prayer.

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 14/08/2008 23:31

DD learns about Jesus, God etc. at school (normal state primary, btw) but it opens up a dialogue - we can talk about why I don't believe in God. After all, even if you believe they are made up (or embellished) Bible stories are part of our cultural heritage. Even Richard Dawkins says that!

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 14/08/2008 23:34

My son is 6. How old is your dd, UD?

OP posts:
ravenAK · 14/08/2008 23:35

Yes he should QS.

You aren't saying 'There IS a God & you MUST believe in him', & he shouldn't be saying the converse.

Can you say to him that he has had the right to make his own mind up - ie. decide that God is bollox - & dc should have the same opportunity?

(& am in full agreement with UQD re. cultural heritage. V important).

UnquietDad · 14/08/2008 23:35

She is 8 (about to start Y4).
Have DS about to go into y1 as well, but he doesn't come home talking about jesus as much.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 14/08/2008 23:39

I was raised Godless. We had Christmas, whan we worshiped Santa, and we had Easter, for which chocolate eggs were provided and TV was watched.

Consequently, I grew up to be vociferously interested in religion and the nature of faith

It's wrong to ridicule the faith of others, it's selfish, it's childish and it's spiteful. I don't care if someone prays to the church of Muldavian tree frogs. I wouldn't hurt someone's feelings for the world, and especially not a child's. Your husband is behaving very badly.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 14/08/2008 23:41

I think my dh is damaging his atheist cause more by behaving in the way he does, than if he should just accept that we are all free to believe what we do.

To be honest, I dont really care if our son should turn out to be massively religious, but I do care about the way my dh is treating him for having the belief he has now. It would be terrible if he were to give it up because his father bullied him into it, rather than coming to a nonbelieving conclusion on his own accord.

OP posts:
EachPeachPearMum · 14/08/2008 23:43

Yes- QS- I am sorry- your DH needs to think about what he is saying to and in front of his DC- I appreciate this is the crux of what you are upset about, and really I have no advice on how to tackle that.

The only way I can see is for you both to talk it over, and over, and over. Really- he shouldn't be trying to convice your ds either way- surely as a parent his job is to provide guidance, but ultimately religion is something we have to decide for ourselves.

I'm sorry he is being so dogmatic about this.

caf1 · 15/08/2008 11:35

It would seem like a crisis of faith has hit your husband and he feels outnumbered. He needs to sit down with you and reconsider the approach....for example would he try and explain his views on other emotive subjects like sex and relationships (when ds is older!) in the same way? Ridicule and animosity will teach his son nothing about the subject but a lot about the person using it.
Personally I have no doubt that God exists and loves us, but I accept that some people don't. But on a purely logical level, how can a child believing that God loves them and planned for them to exist, bring anything other than comfort and affirmation to their lives? Quote: "He has set eternity in the hearts of men" There's nowt wrong with ds having the freedom and confidence to express what is in his heart!! All the best in finding a peaceful path for all of you through this :D

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 15/08/2008 17:27

Thanks all. I could not be bother to argue any more with him. So I wrote him an email with some of the best points you guys have given. He got back to me saying it was not intentinal to come across like that, but he just want our son to grow up using his head and his heart in the right way. But that is not going to happen, I said, if he is being ridiculed and taken the piss off by his own father. We did not discuss it any further as it was 2 am, but I suspect we will continue tonight when the kids have gone to bed.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 15/08/2008 17:40

Another militant atheist here, but I don't approve of bullying children over their beliefs. (Though I can see your DH's point of view about the new Pope). Still, your DH needs to respect his children's right to a bit of quiet fairy-tale time with Mum which really can't be doing them any harm (you're not telling them that gays are going to burn in hell or unbelievers should be shunned or anything).
If you are close to someone who has different beliefs to you, you should always agree to differ politely, there is no point in badgering someone about their opinions orbeliefs when they are dear to you in other ways: this issue is not actually about gods, but about politeness, kindness and tolerance.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 15/08/2008 17:48

That is the thing, I have friends who are atheists, and friends who are very pragmatic about the Bible, and we get along just fine by just politely respecting we have different views. I am a very flexible and tolerant christian, both when it comes to homosexuality and female priests and female gay married priests for that matter, lol. So I am really taken with the attitude, not the atheist opinion, IYSWIM.

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solidgoldbrass · 15/08/2008 20:45

I know what you mean. Of course, it would be equally problematic if one parent suddenly 'got' religion (particularly if it was some complete buckethead doctrine that depended on scaring the DC with thoughts of hellfire, or forcing a DD to cover her head or something) - perhaps you could put it to your DH in these terms ie it's wrong to suddenly start trying to enforce your own change of opinion on other people.

blackrock · 17/08/2008 17:20

I think he needs to consider and explain his reasons for change to the children. People change their minds about alsorts of deep belief and he now needs to respect the belief he has encouraged to develop in your children or they will be left upset and confused. Open discussion about changes of heart and letting the children follow their wishes in terms of belief would be best for both parties.

tribpot · 17/08/2008 17:27

To be honest, I wouldn't even say "god is bollocks" to my own ds (not that I would say bollocks to him as he is 3!) - not because I would want him to grow up a Christian (I am an atheist) but I wouldn't want him to grow up thinking it was okay to belittle other people's religious views.

If you want to alternate prayer time with maybe some kind of humanist wishing well to other people time (I just made that up) then that seems a reasonable compromise but he can't expect to present his religious views in such a dogmatic (pun intended) way, particularly out of nowhere.

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