CoE when Catholic

[Givingup2025]

Hi all, I just wondered if I could get some guidance from you. I was born and raised Catholic, then walked away from the church in my teens and came back when I was around 30. I started CoE as it was in my local village but it didn't feel right. My godmother then passed and I felt drawn to the Catholic faith. I started going to my old church which is a 45 minute drive away and do enjoy it but now we have a child the drive is getting too much.

My son is due to start school in September in our local village. It is a faith school and I'm so pleased as it is important to me. I'm torn now however. The school is linked to the village church and they do a lot together. Having looked at the website of the village church, it has a new vicar, has family service pet services youth groups and forest church. My son would love this.

But my dilemma. It's CoE and I'm Catholic and my son has been baptised Catholic. I don't know what to do. I feel like im "cheating" on my catholic side by going to a CoE church even though I know it all falls under the umbrella of Christianity!

Any advice at all? Anyone been in a similar circumstance?

Thanks in advance :)

I understand that CoE doesn’t believe in Transubstantiation. So that would be something to check out before you sign up.

That's the thing - in my head I'm a Catholic, I very much follow the Catholic values and way of thinking. BUT then I feel for my son there are more opportunities for him to engage in faith at the CoE church. There isn't a closer Catholic church unfortunately. Would I be an imposter going to CoE as a Catholic?

Oh that is a tough one. You are right they are both Christian faiths. What about your son and his sacarments, first confession, holy communion how are you going to work that or are you happy for him not to make do these. 45minutes is very long to get to mass though. Just made me think I have too catholic churches within 5 minutes of my house and possibly 7 more within a 15 minute drive. Is there nothing closer? I always do find that CoE is more welcoming to children than catholic churchs though. If it was me and the sacraments were not important then I would just go to CoE.

No you are not going to be an imposter, they don't ID you at the door!
The way things are going with Christian churches they should only be delighted to welcome you and your family.

Thank you for your post. No, the nearest one is 45 minutes away which is frustrating and hard work with a 4 year old. Don't get me wrong the church is very welcoming of children but the village church, being linked to the school and running activities, does seem to be more suitable.

To me the sacraments are important but then I'm very much of the view that my son can make his own decision what he wants to do. I can guide him as can his godparents but ultimately it would be down to him to decide. We also are in our forever home so no chance of moving closer. It's so difficult!

Thank you! I know they would be welcoming but I worry that I'll feel like an imposter!!

Is the church High Anglican by any chance? They take communion and the school will prepare any children for confirmation so it may feel more familiar. I was in quite a similar boat to you, although not a practicing Catholic. Thought MIL might have thoughts on the matter, but quite cheerily described High Anglicans as “more Catholic than the Catholics”

Hi - I don't think it is but the church go into the school weekly to act out stories from the bible to the children to help them learn the appropriate lessons from the stories. They are very much a school that teaches lessons from the bible. I know they do communion. Maybe I'm over thinking everything!

I am CoE, DH is Catholic and when we were looking at primary schools for our DD, he actually preferred the local CoE school to the local Catholic school. DD has been baptised Catholic although when she is a bit older, we intend to make sure she understands the difference. Anyway, we opted for a non faith school altogether in the end, but I dont think it is as uncommon as you might think.

Whatever you decide I think attending Church is really good for children. Just to sit for an hour no phones/ipads. I honestly would go to the CoE near you. It really builds your network in the community too.

Thank you I'm glad it isn't uncommon!

This is where my head is finally at - Church is good for children, faith is important and like you say a network in the community would be good.

I think I'll go to a service this weekend and see how it feels and go from there.

Thanks everyone

There are several Catholics at my CofE church. Nobody minds at all and I'm sure that you would be welcomed. You could always attend the local church for your son and get to the Catholic church whenever possible for the sacraments.

We have a couple of catholics that attend our village church for much the same reasons as you OP. They are just members of the congregation.

As far as I am aware all CofE churches celebrate communion. I haven't been to one that doesn't. In the UK and abroad.

I've been a Christian for the best part of 60 years and in that time have attended many different denominations. I have long come to the conclusion that anyone who who believes that Jesus died for our sins and accepts him as Lord, is my brother or sister. Even Jesus tells us in Mark's gospel, that anyone doing good in His name is doing a good thing. (Mark 9. v18 to 20 if you want to look it up)
By all means go to the local church. There will be time to sort out differences in doctrine when your son is older. Surely what matters for now is that he gets to know about Jesus.

Thank you. I think this is what I needed to hear. Grateful for your reply

@Sessanta C of E Churches celebrate communion, but I understand don’t accept the Doctrine of transubstantiation. Which is fundamental to Catholicism. That’s the biggest difference I can see
i also wondered about combining the two.

(I’m ill just now - punctuation is suffering)

Sorry, I misunderstood.

Nor does it believe that priests can give absolution for your sins.

This, well put. Coming from a different angle we are C of E and I work in a Catholic school. DD2 attended a Catholic primary before going to a C of E secondary. In the words of Jo Cox “We are far more united and have far more in common than that which divides us.”

engage with your local church. Go to the Catholic Church as and when you can as well- on holiday, maybe particular festivals.

I was from a mixed up Christian background, but have normally gone to CoE churches. Also gone to methodist, free baptist and others. CoE is probably closest to Catholic in style of worship and use of liturgy.

As mentioned there are pretty big difference in some fundamentals, but all trinitarian Christians who are baptised and take communium in their own churches are welcome to take communium in the CoE Eucharist (mass). So that community will be happy to see you.

Your Catholic preist may feel less open minded, but I'd hope that with a 4 year old and a 45minute drive, they'd be empathetic.

As and when confirmation / first communium comes along, you can get into the differences. Both churches are usually careful to teach about what makes them distinct as part of the preparation process.

So I'd try out the local church, see if your son likes it, and try to get to Catholic services when you can.

IME CofE are happy to embrace and fully include Catholics.
Your son will be learning the fundamentals of Christianity at the school. As an Anglican working in a Catholic school, the differences of the lived faith and central messages are closely aligned. The differences are subtle but it might be up to you to ensure your son is aware of these.

Years ago I would have been adamant about being Catholic and really not allowed myself to attend services (parents brought me up that way) and now I work in a Christian non Catholic school and i like it.

I think go for thr community school and you can still keep the Catholic faith at home.

One of the issues if you're a Catholic (I am RC too) is that there are real differences between the two religions. Your child will not hear much of Mary or the saints in a CoE school. Your child will not be taken to Mass with the school as he might in an RC school. You will need to take him to sacramental prep classes for First Communion and Reconcilation, and Confirmation. If you want him to receive those sacraments in the RC church, you're going to have to take him to Mass.

Another issue is that different vicar can set the tone in a CoE parish and its associated school - while the current vicar is all about the flavour of the month in middle class education ideas, and firing up the local youth with the bells and whistles that are currently in vogue, the next one might be more of a fundamentalist.

High church Anglicans (CofE) do believe in transubstantiation. Their priests can and do absolve sins and will hear confessions.

The Church of England is very broad, from zealous evangelicals with praise bands to Anglo-Catholics with bells and smells. There are several RCs at my church. They come because e.g they are LGBT+ or want women priests. Your family should be welcomed in any CofE church and if not, get on to the bishop.