Can Christian couples disagree on evolution/age of the Earth?

[Ahsoka2001]

My girlfriend and I are both Christian and have a very happy, healthy relationship. While I feel science strengthens my faith - and evolution or the Earth being 14 billion years old is in no way incompatible with the existence of God - she's a devout Baptist who takes Genesis rather literally. She believes God created Adam and Eve directly and the Earth was made in 6 days around 6000 years ago.

Even though it'd still be a few years away from happening, we've spoken in hypothetical terms about marriage and children since those are both life goals we share. She's said on several occasions that I'd make a great father/marriage partner and as Christians, we're both "dating to marry".

The other week though, I asked her what her criteria was for a life partner - "Did you just want someone who's saved?" She then said she also wants someone who shares the same ideas around, "How the world was made and evolution". This led to a very tearful discussion where I said I didn't want to lose her in the future. She got upset too and said she doesn't want to lose me and hopes we can find a way around it. She said "I'm sure we'll work something out" and was asking if I really think there's no way around it.

I asked her if there's anything else she wants in a life partner that I don't have and she said no - my theistic evolution is the ONLY thing that's a concern. She said it's fine if it's just us but she thinks teaching kids both evolution and creationism could be too confusing for them - maybe she's right ://

Does anyone have experience of differing values like this in Christian relationships? The thing that's giving me hope here is that she's equally as upset at the thought of this not working and really wants to find a way we can compromise.

Children cope surprisingly well with being told "some people think X, some people think Y". I don't think that your child would be confused. To me, if anything, it's beneficial to a child to be exposed to multiple viewpoints within the family as it's implicit licence to be curious and make their own mind up about things.

To me, that's the more concerning thing here- I'd worry that your girlfriend would want to discourage your child from freedom of thought and an open mind. But you are the one who knows her, not me.

What is her attitude to the science ?

Do you really want to have children with someone who will teach those children blatantly untrue, unscientific things?

I doubt that the age of the earth and no evolution are the only nutbag things she believes.

@Ahsoka2001 youtube kent hovind may help

Are you sure she's just not pretending she would be ok with other things? If she follows so blindly in her faith the the world was created in 6 days that she would risk marriage over it then would she really accept a child that didn't follow Christianity or was gay? I would definitely partake in a marriage course to see how you both fair for a bit of impartial questioning to avoid bigger obstacles down the line. I find it hard to believe if she believes in this so strongly she won't even entertain a partner who believes something else that's heavily back with science then there will be other issues

Kent Hovind is a loon

And a domestic abuser. Not sure how he could help anyone.

Oh completely, we wouldn't have to marry if it didn't work out. It's both what we're hoping for but it'd only be after a couple more years and when we're both absolutely sure.

This is real - if I wanted attention there'd be much more outlandish threads I could make.

I knew she was Christian too from the start and then found out about her fundamentalism maybe a month or so in. I didn't then think anything of it because well it's just a belief, which as other posters say shouldn't immediately affect a relationship. I don't base who I date on what they think about how the world was made.

Like she herself said, it's fine when it's just us (and it's easy to forget about this sort of thing when you're not talking about it and having a great time together). And there's the fact that well...I'm in love with her, and she loves me.

Help what sorry? Help me understand her creationist beliefs?

I don't know. When I'm talking to her and it's just normal conversations at home or on dates she's the sweetest person and you would never guess she had these sorts of beliefs. But that's the thing - I only know her as a girlfriend and not as a mother or wife yet.

I fully agree a marriage course would be a good idea in future and maybe counselling (either conventionally or from someone in the church).

She seems to accept any science that doesn't contradict the Bible, including microevolution. When she says, "I don't believe in evolution", I think what she really means is she doesn't believe humans and apes have a common ancestor. If she didn't accept evolution she wouldn't accept virus mutation, different breeds of animals, etc. all things we've talked about.

EDIT: Whoops quoted the wrong response.

She seems to accept any science that doesn't contradict the Bible, including microevolution. When she says, "I don't believe in evolution", I think what she really means is she doesn't believe humans and apes have a common ancestor. If she didn't accept evolution at all she wouldn't believe in virus mutation, different breeds of animals, etc. all things we've talked about.

Ask her to explain how the sun was only created on the 4th day - after the air, land and sea. Ask her how tides work with no moon

If she believes in a young earth - ask her to explain the existence of lead

It's good that you are talking about these things now. I think core values and beliefs are pretty much the most crucial things for bringing up children together. If there is something you disagree on- then a plan on how to compromise is essential. I'd be a little concerned on both sides that it sounds like the discussion was really emotional between you both- being able to discuss things through calmly is important- especially so if you are bringing children into the mix. It sounds like your girlfriend may have some more extreme views- I'm not religious- but was brought up with one parent who is a senior person in their church, and an atheist- but the religious parent never forced their beliefs. my eight year old was talking about fossils etc tonight- if it's an interest of the child's- you will have these conversations more than you do with other adults!! You really need to think this through really carefully- there is more to having a child with someone than just loving them- but it's quite hard even when people have moderate views to figure out where you are similar, and where your views differ- good luck

THIS.

Marriage is one thing, but what would happen if you were to have children?

This is fundamental incompatibility. Walk away from this potential shitshow.

Breaking up would be a last resort only after we're absolutely sure it couldn't work and have tried everything - so counselling, endless discussions, marriage courses in the church etc.

I don't disagree that it's extremely important to be sure before having children though. That's the single biggest life choice you can make.

The difficulty is if you are a science lover it’s something you often will talk to your kids about when they are little and asking questions about the world around them. It’s a positive part of the parental relationship. If your girlfriend one day marries you and becomes the mother of your children, she may ask you to keep your beliefs to yourself and not to speak to your children about the age of the earth at all. You may feel repressed and eventually resentful.

I know from personal experience that creationists feel very strongly about their beliefs. I have even heard very educated people seriously claiming that dinosaurs were created 6,000 years ago and were amongst us until the 19th century and that St George’s dragon for example was actually a dinosaur. I was absolutely astonished.

I would think very carefully about it. Relationships work best when the core values you hold are similar and the conflicting beliefs are relatively peripheral. You might be fine with creationism as a theory now as you are only dating but it becomes more of a challenge as you get deeper into the relationship, especially with children on board.

what about agree to disagree method ? @Ahsoka2001

@WalkingaroundJardine I thought it wasn't a crazy theory that quite a few of the legendary monsters including dragons could be based on partially understoid discoveries of dinosaur fossils? I agree not on dinosaurs themselves!

I think the young earth creationism is the least of your worries. You really need to find out what she would do if you got married, had children and they turned out to be gay. That could get very ugly.ì