Does anyone have Jehovah's Witness parents?

[jwparent]

Long story short I was brought up a JW. Parents were a bit in and out and didn't always attend meetings but still no Christmas or Birthdays. I was always petrified of lightening incase it was Armageddon starting. Not allowed into assembly or RE lessons at school.

It's was all just bloody awful and I wondered if anyone else here had this upbringing?

[Millybob]

Did you see that very good film Apostasy, a few years ago?

[functioningadult]

There's an American podcast called Sinisterhood who've just released a couple of episodes on JW and the experiences of people who've left. Might be worth a listen?

[summer2030]

Hello yes me!

I was brought up a JW but I've now left (about 12 years ago) and started a new life. Have you left it? Or still attending? Or still in and out?

I didn't celebrate birthdays , Xmas too. I always felt different as a child and never fitted in - and even though Im celebrating these things now, I always feel I don't fit in even though outwardly I seem okay. I always wonder if my upbringing is due to this

Hope you are okay 

[jwparent]

@summer2030 no I'm definitely not a JW now. I was never baptised and have never attended as an adult (except for the memorial every so often as I was scared to upset my dad by not going).

Are you in touch with your parents?

My parents spilt up and my dad is an elder now and my mum dissociated herself. So she now throws herself into Christmas as if that's totally normal and I feel a bit bitter that I didn't have that as a child.

[jwparent]

@Millybob

Did you see that very good film Apostasy, a few years ago?

No I hadn't heard of that. Thanks for the tip

[jwparent]

@functioningadult

There's an American podcast called Sinisterhood who've just released a couple of episodes on JW and the experiences of people who've left. Might be worth a listen?

Thanks for this! I'm literally listening now!

[summer2030]

I understand you feeling bitter, especially with your mum celebrating like it’s all okay now but just try to accept that when your in it, you think you are doing the right thing.

Being a witness child is very hard tho and I think it has a profound effect when older . My sisters are still very very resentful toward the ‘truth’ whereas I’m a bit like it is what it is and I can’t change the past, but I can concentrate on the now. I was a pioneer when I was in it for 5 years.

i speak to my mum, she is a witness still but has carer needs so I see her often, but she’s never disowned any of us. I lost my dad some time ago to cancer . Do you speak to your dad? As you weren’t baptised, he’ll be fine with talking to you?

I think being an ex witness is hard . Unless you have been in it - it’s very hard to understand.

[jwparent]

I am in touch with my dad and his wife but it's quite low contact on his side which I put down to the witnesses distancing themselves from non JW's. I'm in the world to them.

I don't know why I'm thinking about all this again now. It's not something that usually comes into my head but lately I'm thinking about it daily.

[SpaceRaiders]

Yes, I was born a JW. My 3 siblings and I are NC with mum who’s still very much in it. I have 1 other sibling who’s married an elders daughter, they’re in but questioning. I get the feeling that if it wasn’t for the huge fall out with her family it would cause and the loss of community they’d otherwise leave.

I think being an ex witness is hard . Unless you have been in it - it’s very hard to understand.

I absolutely agree. For me it affected my ability to form relationships with worldly people even years after I’d left. And it’s subsequently completely ripped my family apart because mum can’t bear that we’ve chosen different paths than she would have liked. That trauma reverberates as DD’s, nieces and nephews now don’t know their grandma despite her being alive.

[dontknowwasmadetoknow]

Have a listen to the poocast shunned,it's all about ex Jehovahs witnesses and their story.

[dontknowwasmadetoknow]

Sorry podcast

[Willowcat77]

My parents were JWs. I could never believe in God/Jehovah, so they never managed to brainwash me, but I still had to sit through the long, tedious, nonsensical meetings though, and everything that came with it. I still resent it all to this day.

[Myneighboursarewankers]

I’m not a JW but really interested in this thread (I’m Christian). What makes people “get out” as you all say? Like what is it that makes people question the religion? And why do family members who are “still in” for lack of a better term not want to associate with children who have left?

I was never brought up religious and it’s still all quite new to me but inalways wonder how people
know their religion is “the one”

[ThreeBearsPorridge]

I was brought up as one. My mother joined when I was four. I left at 14. It has really affected me a lot and really damaged my relationship with my mother. She is elderly now but her whole life is about ‘the truth’. She pioneers at 86 and all her friends are JWs . It’s affected our family a lot as there were no celebrations, no good times. Nothing to remember with affection. My father wasn’t one but used to go to meetings sometimes.
I was brought up in fear really. Fear of Satan , fear of Armageddon. Constant indoctrination about sex being a sin etc. my mother is incredibly judgemental towards others and has no relationship really with her grandchildren. She sends copies of the Watchtower and Awake to them which just go in the bin. She can’t talk to them or me because her whole conversation and attitudes are formed from her brainwashing. I can’t abide spending more than a short time with her and have to train myself not to respond to her constant wittering about it all. I just have nothing in common with her and resent that it robbed me of a childhood and screwed me up. My parents stockpiled food for Armageddon for years and years. We had huge piles of tins and packets in preparation. I was fully convinced I would die young because I didn’t believe in it all.
Wasn’t allowed to join the Brownies , go to parties, or basically have any fun. It was a dismal childhood full of boredom , fear and embarrassment .

[liverpoolnana]

I am very interested in this thread, as I knew someone at school who was a JW and often wonder how she got on in later life.
What does 'to pioneer' mean, please?

[summer2030]

@Myneighboursarewankers

I’m not a JW but really interested in this thread (I’m Christian). What makes people “get out” as you all say? Like what is it that makes people question the religion? And why do family members who are “still in” for lack of a better term not want to associate with children who have left?

I was never brought up religious and it’s still all quite new to me but inalways wonder how people
know their religion is “the one”

Hello,

It’s funny how we are all using the term ‘get out’ but in some ways that’s how it feels. It’s a traumatic experience to leave which is very hard to explain, but all I can say it’s a very controlled environment on many levels and when you leave - you are pretty much shunned and contact is limited as you are then seen as ‘bad association’. They say that you are protecting yourself from any bad influence as such and it’s a loving arrangement to not speak to people after they have left, to make them think....

I was lucky with my mum as she never shunned me but my dad passed and was her carer so in their eyes (I’m guessing) needed contact for her care needs. When you are a JW your association is purely encouraged to be with other witnesses so when you leave you pretty much have no one . I lost all my close friends and connections at 26 years old.

Whilst I was in the organisation I doubted many of their beliefs and I found that I was questioning more and more (to myself not outwardly ) . It was only until my dad passed away that I realised I couldn’t accept their teachings around the resurrection. I couldn’t accept that he would be resurrected in bodily form as to me that would be a clone. Also at that point I had a 3 year old girl at nursery and I didn’t let her celebrate the Xmas party at nursery and this was the last straw. I thought I’m living a life I don’t believe and I can’t enforce that on my little girl. So I left. I wasn’t shunned as such by the congregation as I hadn’t ‘sinned’ but contact has been limited since and I lost all my close friends and my world at 26. The elders did visit me to try to reason around my doubts but I was stuck in my way of thinking - contact then started stop but they would still speak if they saw me in the street. If you’re disfellowshipped or shunned they won’t even say hi.

Everyone will have their own story but the ones I feel the most are the ones who are disfellowshipped or shunned from the congregation. These are baptised individuals who have ‘sinned’ and unrepentant . Their sin can be just having sex with someone who you aren’t married to but aren’t ‘sorry’ as they do it again. Some are young when baptised in their teens and they don’t really know the implications of getting baptised . I was one of the ‘older’ ones to get baptised at 16 but once you’re baptised that’s it. I feel so sorry for young adults (or kids) who are baptised then sin and then shunned. I could have been shunned at 16 if I’d sinned and not repentant.

I think all religions think theirs is the one. I’m not sure the answer to that one ☺️

[summer2030]

@liverpoolnana

I am very interested in this thread, as I knew someone at school who was a JW and often wonder how she got on in later life.
What does 'to pioneer' mean, please?

Hiya, a pioneer is someone who goes preaching but has to commit to so many hours a week. I used to be one but it's that long ago I can't remember how many hours think it was 30 hours a week. I was a carer too at the time so I managed to fit those hours in amongst - think it's less now. Pioneers are very much respected in the JW organisation

[PureAmazonian]

I'm very interested in this thread. Now after many years of trying to understand religion in general, the JW religion has been one of particular interest to me. To the people who "got out" do you now feel as though you were part of a cult, did it feel like that to you? Can you also confirm whether you had to give a portion of your earrings to the church? I am only an outsider looking in, but the whole thing seems VERY cult like to me.
Sorry if this causes any offence, I'm just curious as to whether the people who were actually a part of it view it differently now.

[justinhawkinsnavalfluff]

I'm an ex JW whose parents are still in. It is a cult and very difficult to leave. It permeates throughout your life. Even though it was a long time ago and I'm a very happy person it still impacts. Another vote for Apostacy - brilliant film if a bit triggering!

[YokoOnosBigHat]

I have a close relative who's one. Its a terrible religion and her congregation abandoned her when her abusive husband left her for another woman. She was deemed as much to blame. She had to find a new Kingdom Hall- which was hugely difficult. I can't believe she stayed in the faith. Awful people.

[AmyandPhilipfan]

We had a few families in our neighbourhood. At one point something must have been said to convince them to take their children out of school as most of the kids left school. One little girl in a family of four was devastated and managed to stay at school a bit longer, I think she was about 10 at the time, but soon left.

When I was at secondary there was a girl in my form who was JW but seemed much more 'normal' for want of a better word. She said her parents let her choose if she wanted to go to friends' parties etc and she attended all RE lessons and Christmas celebrations etc. I'm not sure what the wider JW community thought of her family or if they were just able to fly under the radar as by then all the other JW kids had been taken out of school so there was no one to tell on them. I was FB friends with her for a while as adults and there were lots of family pictures of Christmas celebrations etc on her profile, including her parents, so I think they've probably left the JWs now.

When my two oldest were at primary I started to go to a parents' coffee morning weekly. Near Christmas one mum was very keen to organise a Christmas lunch for us all in a room at the school. We had crackers to pull, Christmas songs on in the background etc. it was totally that one woman's idea. At about the same time I was once in the school for something when her son's class were practising for the Christmas play. He was reading a book outside the hall. I said hello and asked why he wasn't in there. He said he was JW so wasn't allowed to take part in Christmas activities. I was shocked that his mother could choose to do fun Christmas things but wasn't letting her son do them!

I invited him to my son's birthday party and the mum came up to me and said 'thanks very much but as JWs we don't go to parties.' I said, don't think of it as a party, just as taking part in that activity. But she wouldn't let him go.

[ThreeBearsPorridge]

@YokoOnosBigHat
The woman is always to blame . Its a male dominated culture, where a woman is expected to see her husband as the 'head of the family' and do what he thinks best. All the Elders are men (leaders). Women are expected to be demure and feminine, defer to men and be 'chaste'.
My mother stayed in a miserable marriage because of her religion. Divorce is seen as shameful, and of course if a marriage breaks down the reasons are usually laid at the woman's door. Young people are expected to marry young, and further education is not seen as desirable and actively discouraged. So many of the young people are window cleaners , cleaners or similar. This means they don't have the education to question what they are being told and don't mix with 'worldly' people . They are consequently quite child like in my experience . It is a religion that appeals to migrants, people who come here with little English and those who have little support in their lives. People who are struggling, lonely, and feeling lost.

[SpaceRaiders]

Can you also confirm whether you had to give a portion of your earnings to the church?

Donations to your congregation is actively encouraged. They’re registered as charities, so it’s not uncommon for elderly members to gift their entire estates upon death. Equally their publicised local budgets are always conveniently run in deficit, which tends to encourage members to tithe on a regular basis.

That being said, they’re a billion dollar organisation with the governing body living it up in private JW complexs. With headquarters in New York. And even their move from north London to a new multi acre HQ in Chelmsford has seen them dispose of millions worth of land/property. Where the proceeds went who knows because their accounts aren’t public even amongst their own members. I always found the verse “pay Caesars due to Caesar” ironic when JW’s as an org. actively avoid paying their taxes by some clever accounting.

[LadyEloise1]

Rebekah Vardy did a tv programme called Jehovah's Witnesses and Me on Channel 4, May 16th 2023.
Very interesting and informative.

[RiaOverTheRainbow]

Have you seen "Everyone else burns" on C4? It's a comedy parodying a JW-esque cult, but I've no idea how accurate it is.