Ramadan

[teacherorpreacher]

Sorry if this is the wrong place. We are a group of friends in a chat group. Today one of the group posted a group message and said to our Muslim friend...bet you are glad Ramadan is nearly over I could never do that I like my food too much...friend who is practicing Ramadan phoned me upset because she felt that our friend that had posted that remark was being disrespectful to her and her religion. I totally agree with her. So what I am asking is do you think I should say something to the poster friend that she has upset my friend or is it between them and I should but out. TIA

I think the person who sent the message is seeing Ramadan from the outside as it’s people going without food and drink all day. Full stop. They don’t see beyond that. I don’t think it was meant as insulting, or to be upsetting, the person just doesn’t understand the whole concept.

If you know the person well maybe have a quiet word and point out that her comment was upsetting. She’ll probably be mortified.

There may be a parallel universe where that comment is disrespectful, but personally I can't think why.

I doubt the other person meant it as anything bad just an illadvised comment. but either way it’s down to your friends to sort it between themselves not for you to get in the middle of it.

I suppose its not really about being glad Ramadan is over because you are doing it out of your will to pull yourself closer to God, so it isn't as superficial as just not eating for the sake of it and waiting eagerly for it to end

It's a very thoughtless comment. Fasting during Ramadan is a meaningful act in itself, as are the rituals around breaking the fast each day. It's not like a sponsored silence for Children in Need.

Has your friend asked you to pass the message on?

PierresPotato
Very good point, no she has not so maybe that answers my question maybe I should leave it to the two of them thank you for your reply

Your muslim friend should have replied in the group chat. Guessing person just assumes Ramadan is just about enforced fasting. Unless its explained then how will they understand.

Butt out, but I don't see why it's offensive.

Ignorance around religion and its practises is what perpetuates negative stereotypes, racism and xenophobia. So yes, this was disrespectful. I strongly believe your other friend would be mortified to know though, so educating them is all that matters

It's thoughtless.

If you don't fast and have replied that it's fine... perhaps consider whether you're a little thoughtless too.

I think what she was really saying here is I bet you're glad you don't have to fast anymore. I mean that's what she's referring to isn't it

Muslim friend is over reacting and could use this an opportunity to explain the wider context around Ramadan rather having a hissy fit.

I think the comment was thoughtless but not offensive or said out of malice. For the record I am Muslim myself. I think your friend could’ve taken the opportunity to politely explain the meaning behind Ramadan and that it isn’t a punishment?

I suppose she could reply, 'I'm not observing Ramadan because I don't like my food as much as you. It's a bit more complex than that.'

As a Muslim I couldn't get upset as she just doesn't know.
Some days can be hard but that's the whole point - to remember the poor and going without food and water helps our connection with God.
Then we get towards the end of Ramadhan and actually start feeling sad that it's nearly over because there is something about Ramadhan that cannot be described. You get disconnected from the rat race of the world and think about what's really important. Fasting helps divert our thoughts from bad to good. I don't know how to explain it.
Feel free to post this to the group. It's sad Ramadhan is nearly over. In Ramadhan the reward of good deeds is multiplied and in Ramadhan there is a night where the rewards are multiplied by w thousand months.
Food is something to nourish us but the food of paradise will be something else. Grapes the size of watermelon etc.

Thank you all for your replies. I will not say anything as pp have said butt out so I will.

It's insensitive and rather ignorant. I would bet she would say similar to a monk who lived in a silent order and was out of it for a period.

If you already feel the impact of being a minority - which practising Muslims in the U.K. are - then it can be a bit like death by a thousand paper cuts. This isn't a big deal in terms of comments and I've seen friends bat things like that off before and just disregard them entirely. But if your resilience is low then it is harder to ignore and it stings just a bit more.

Not sure you need to do anything, but you could arrange for the friendship group to join your friend one day next year (early in Ramadan when the days are a bit shorter 😉) to learn about how it is for her? Iftar with friends after a day of fasting is really lovely. Can do it so only minimal food and water, but paying more attention to being mindful about thoughts and words spoken during the day, if the physical fast is too much.

Why not suggest to your Muslim friend that she replies directly or in the group?

I have one Muslim friend who would roll her eyes and say it’s not her job to educate. Another who would politely and briefly explain that it’s a positive choice and she loves the family iftaar meals that are also a big part of it, and yet another friend who’s reply, “dude, Ramadan puts the slim in Muslim - I love it!”

Phoning another friend upset just seems rather pointless.

I suspect the person saying meant it respectfully as in wow I couldn't do it you've done incredibly well rather than what a waste of time or anything directly about Ramadan itself. If she's upset as it's something important to her whilst understandable I'd personally try and get them talking and so they can get over this what seems like misunderstanding.

Also many Muslims fast an extra 6 fasts after Ramadhan. Ask her to look it up. The 6 fasts of shawwaal and the reward for it. So despite Ramadhan being over, many consciously choose to keep fasting.

Prophet David peace be upon him fasted every other day. Some Muslims even do this.

I agree with others. The Muslim friend should have used the opportunity to gently explain. It isn't the ethos of Ramadhan to get upset anyway. The hadith states that if someone does upset you etc then to simply reply with: I am fasting.

It may be your Muslim friend lacks the knowledge of the character of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and the character of a Muslim (trying even harder) in Ramadhan but it would be a good opportunity for her to learn too.

“Respect” for religion is an interesting concept.

I “respect” people’s right to practice any religion they want to practice. This tolerance is a product of western liberal values. It is not found in many other countries in which practicing a minority religion is not allowed. Indeed in some countries a decision to renounce the majority religion in favour of another religion or no religion at all is punishable by the courts (or the mob).

I have no respect for the content of other people’s religions. I think that a decision to base your life around an irrational creed handed down in another culture thousands of years ago is absurd. And I appreciate the fact that western liberal values allow me to say that. I would not go out of my way to say that to someone who practices a religion - but I do see why I should tread on eggshells around them in case they managed to take offence at a throw away remark.

Let’s not confuse respect for the concept of freedom of thought with respect for the thoughts themselves.

I think your Muslim friend is overreacting.

I say this as someone whose family live in the Middle East with many Muslim friends observing Ramadan.

Wow your friend who made the comment sounds a bit thick, to say the least.