Some background: I'm a Christian. I'd say a devout Christian. I was brought up C of E but don't relate to this church so much any more for various reasons. There are a lot of things that they have started to do that I feel isn't quite right.
I work abroad a lot these days, so my family and I tend to find the church that feels 'right' when I arrive somewhere new. (Sometimes takes a very long time to find the right church! And sometimes none of them feel 'right'.)
At the moment I think I don't feel entirely comfortable commiting to any church denomination entirely, but I am exploring again and strengthening my personal relationship with God. There are elements of different denominations that I feel are wonderful and elements that I feel aren't quite right or don't sit entirely right with my conscious and/or understanding of God. I suppose I am wary of being told what to believe by committing to one church denomination rather than learning what I believe and what I feel is right through prayer and reading the bible. (Although I am also wary of relying on my own understanding which is another complication 😂 maybe I think too much).
I have always been drawn to certain elements of the Catholic Church. At one point I was drawn to all of it, but over time I've learned more and realized that there are a number of things I'm not comfortable with in the Catholic church too. (Struggling to find some biblical background for certain things, mainly.) But I learned 'Hail Mary' as a child and have always found it so comforting, and if I'm honest I always felt a bit miserable and disappointed when I was told by other non-Catholics that this shouldn't be said. I recently learned to pray the rosary by myself out of curiosity and I find it very powerful. I actively look forward to it. I feel it brings me a sense of peace and feeling of clarity and understanding and appreciation that maybe other forms of prayer haven't so much.
However, a part of me has a sense of guilt about it, I think due to the fact that some of the churches I've been to have been quite vocal about praying to Mary being a type of idolatry.
I also don't entirely accept this, though. I have read about the role of the Queen Mother in the Old Testament, the important role she played, her powerful influence on the King and how she would intercede on behalf of people to take their requests to the King. I feel that it makes sense that Mary would be given this same role as mother of Christ. But it worries me that some very important parts like the the Assumption and the Coronation of Mary as Queen of Heaven and Earth can't be found in the bible. It seems pretty important yet it's not in the bible. It bothers me.
I'm also a little uncomfortable with the Pope, confession to priests rather than directly to God, and basically the whole idea that we need any kind of middle man (for want of a better word) between ourselves and God.
The wealth of the Catholic church and splendor of their churches and their property doesn't feel quite right to me either, it seems that this isn't something that Jesus would like.
I'm not saying this to criticise the Catholic church, I'm actually hoping someone will come along and explain some of these things to me or give me some kind of satisfying answer. I really feel like I want an answer that will put these issues to rest in my heart.
And I also want to find any other non-Catholics who pray the rosary, or ask whether there is anyone here who would/feels that it's okay/isn't idolatry? Or maybe even Catholics feel that non-Catholics shouldn't do this?
I'm feeling like I'm on a bit of a confusing journey at the moment and would love to hear some thoughts!
Many thanks!