C of E - struggling with attending services

[EssexLioness]

Hi, I am Christian and recently found my faith again in the last year, after a few doubts. I have been attending weekly Sunday services since then at our local village church. However, I am autistic and struggle when attendance is high (only happens for christenings etc which we don’t know about in advance). I am so distressed that I have to leave straight away. Today I went and found it had happened again so came straight home. I then feel guilty/ embarrassed and rustrated because I was really looking forward to attending church.
I am thinking that maybe instead of this regular disappointment that I may be best giving up church but I feel bad at the thought. Not sure why I am posting tbh. Do you think this is valid or maybe there is an alternative? Maybe an online service weekly instead? I like the reflective element of services and being in church does make me feel more connected to my faith. There aren’t any other churches nearby. I guess I just feel disappointed that my disability is getting in the way, but equally fr up of having to come straight home every couple of months because the service is crowded. I just want to be able to practice my faith in a way that doesn’t cause meltdowns/ panic attacks.

Could you arrive just a few minutes before the start of the service (or even a minute late?) and then sit further away from the annoying lady - perhaps behind a pillar from her, or something similar? If you don't stay for refreshments afterwards you could manage to get in and out without her spotting you?

You absolutely shouldn't have to do this by the way! You could either ask the vicar or someone else you know there to have a quiet word and say that you know she means well but you find it a bit overwhelming, but I can see that might feel awkward.

(A lady once sat down and started talking non-stop to me before a service. She asked what I was doing and I managed to say how much I enjoyed the QUIET COMTEMPLATION before the service started, and she just agreed with me that it was wonderful, she just loved the quiet and peace... blah blah blah. Some people just can't take a hint.)

@Morred thank you, yes I plan to go as late as I can (without actually being late) to avoid too much chat. But I absolutely won’t be able to avoid being seen as her husband hands out the songbooks/ orders of service.
I feel so horrible cos I do actually like her but she is just so intense. So I don’t mind chatting to her a little, which is where I think it is probably a bit confusing. It’s just she is so full on, and kind of possessive/ makes it difficult for others to come and say hello, too touchy feely. If she just had said a few words each week then that would be great but it’s just way too much.
I might try the quiet contemplation line but I can totally imagine her not getting the hint. Maybe I should try going in and bowing my head in prayer etc first. It’s a bit more visible

Would you be comfortable wearing a sunflower lanyard? Then you could explain you don't like sitting too close / hugs because of your disability? I know you shouldn't have to but it might ease things.

And that you like quiet time to reflect on what has been said?

Please ignore what I said if you wouldn't find it helpful at all. I appreciate you might not want to go around telling people your personal info.

Ha, we had a lovely woman at our church who would hug anyone who came within six feet... half the rest of the congregation seemed to think that was our Being Welcoming covered! I mean, she really was delightful but it was a bit much. I didn't actually mind but started grabbing her hand and saying "lovely to see you Margaret!" instead, because I can just imagine the effect she'd have on someone like you!

She had a very strong old-lady perfume too... oh dear, now I'm getting nostalgic (she's been dead for nearly 5 years).

Anyway. As well as everything else, could you try sitting at the very end of the pew by the aisle? (a wave around and a murmur about Social Distancing should be enough if she's rude enough to tell you to budge up...) I can't imagine they're short of seats, unless it's the unexpected baptisms you already have a problem with.

As someone who is almost certainly on the spectrum (not officially diagnosed with anything but I was the Weird Child at school) I always found it more comfortable to sit in the back pew.

If the Milling About Peace starts up again, I suggest you sit, close your eyes and fold your hands in your lap. An enthusiastic "and also with you!" should be enough - again, nobody's going to be rude enough to interrupt you In Prayer.

Thank you @eyeseeyou, I do use a sunflower lanyard in some situation eg previously when flying and they have been hugely useful (though this was precovid). However, personally I don’t want to in this situation because 1. I don’t think most of the people there would understand, and b. I don’t want all the locals knowing my business. The vicar and other ordained person knows and is understanding which is enough for me. I feel that disability or not, it is intrusive to have a stranger so in my face.

Anyway, I forgot to come back to this thread and update. I think the situation is pretty much sorted. On Wednesday I drove to another village, which had a midweek service. It is actually held by the same vicar which is perfect and a much quieter service. It wasn’t too much of a drive, and the church is tiny. Even with me, there were only 6 people in the congregation! People smiled and said hello etc so I felt welcome, but people were basically focused on the service itself rather than socialising. I walked in and it was literally silent! People had there heads bowed in prayer/ silent reflection before the start of the service. Oh and I know it shouldn’t matter, but the church itself was the cutest little chapel I’ve seen, so pretty in an understated way. Basically, it was perfect for me and I was so happy. I was able to go and do what I wanted to do without any of the stress.
My only concern now is that the lady pops round to my house, or worse finds out from the vicar where I am going and decides to pop along to that service. Both of those are quite unlikely though.

Oh and also, because it was a slightly shorter service, there was no sharing the peace, so I won’t have that worry in the future either. It had a gospel reading and sermon, holy communion and the other main bits. No hymns which is a bit of a shame but I am ok with that

Glad you found a suitable solution