if I really want to.
I'll try to keep this as short as I can as I know I tend to waffle.
Been playing at church for nearly 5yrs now. When I started there was a small, but quite well formed, choir (about 12-15 regular members). More men than women though (as it usually the case). Gradually the numbers dwindled, 2 of the 4 men died, one left as he didn't like the way things were going and the other left.......well because I there wasn't really much we could sing with just one bass.
A lot of the sopranos were youngsters, who have just left to go to University and before the summer the quite basically folded.
A few weeks ago the man who didn't like the way things were done offered to help get a choir together for the Christmas service - FANTASTIC I thought. It was agreed that it was to be "marketed" as a FUN thing, come along sing some carols, perhaps learn one or two choir pieces, but basically just be there at the front to help lead the congregation.
And indeed he has, we've got a 20 strong choir to sing at our Christmas Carol Service. We got together before the first rehearsal and he ran through a list of the music he thought we could do, I was quite happy with the list and the first practice went ok.
Last Wednesday though I turned up and he had (very kindly) got all the music sorted out and put into folders for people so it was altogether - that was fine except most of the music was different from what we'd agreed and I didn't know one of them, and hate the arrangement of another.
He then virtually took over choir practice, telling people what we'd be practising next, telling the youngsters to stop talking (they weren't - it was the adults!), and not really giving those people who don't usually sing in choirs (and therefore can't read music/find it hard to keep up) a chance to say "HELP"!
He'd ask a man who occasionaly covers for me on the organ to join the choir, and he (also very kindly) offered to take over if I needed to go/sort out the DS's (because of DH's working hours I have to take all 3 DS's with me to choir practice).
After we'd "finished" he muttered something about "some of us staying on for a bit"....but invited those that wanted to to leave to go....which they did. It turns out that they'd stayed for nearly 1hr after I'd gone practising various bits.
As a result 5 people spoke to me the following day and said they felt they shouldn't really been there (they'd been invited to leave, and had, and then consequently missed a big chunk of rehearsal that would have REALLY helped them). Thankfully they've agreed to keep coming.
Also this "man" announced that "there will be a practise next Wednesday, but the following week it will be on the 14th - a Friday"...well NO-ONE ASKED ME if that was ok - and I'm actually going out....as it happens my relief organist has offered to take the rehearsal but I just feel I should have been asked.
I'm not a brilliant organist, I'm not very organised, and my "forte" certainly isn't with running choirs (although I'm capable of teaching a choir music in 4 parts), and obviously with the way that the music has gone downhill in the church since I've been there not really doing a very good job.
No-one has actually said anything to me, but I get the feeling that a lot of the "old timers" don't like the way I do things, find the children at choir practice a nuisance (admittedly I do occasionaly have to give DS3 a quick cuddle, or ask the older DS's to be quiet but they're not that bad) and really rather wish they had someone that was a better player, choir master/mistress, more organised and didn't have the distraction of little children running around.
At the moment I feel I'm only really doing it for the money (I get £120 a month for my "efforts"), although I do still enjoy doing the "extra" bits I do like playing for our monthly after school service, and for toddler church during the week - I don't feel that anyone has a problem with me there.
However, on the other hand I LOVE playing the organ, trying my best at running the choir etc and I know I'd really miss it if I stopped. Plus I've got one or 2 close friends at church who I usually only see at church stuff (our lives just don't slot into each others apart from when we're there), and I think if I stopped playing then I wouldn't feel comfortable or "right" still attending the church. I sort of feel that if I'm going I should be contributing - and music is the only way I've found so far of helping out.
I'm really not sure what to do and would appreciate any comments......