Experience of JWs

[SundayGirlB]

Anyone have experiences with JW family members? My (toxic) and semi estranged father has got back in contact as CV19 is making him predict armageddon again. He is regularly abusive towards me but then randomly sends me these JW promo videos to try and save me and make out he is a good father.

He didn't need religion he needed therapy and an AA meeting. All the people I came across when I was made to attend meetings were similarly lost/struggling in some way but the years of emotional manipulation and collective gaslighting of him and his congregation makes me doubt myself sometimes. Maybe I'm just a horrible person and they are a perfectly lovely religion?

Feeling very anxious again even though I have little to do with him and them anymore. All the memories of being pressured and guilt tripped by people pretending to be nice to me as a child resurfacing. Anyone else had experiences with JWs?

I'm not a JW, neither do I have any affiliation with them.

However, I just wanted to say that in any group of millions of people, there will be nice ones and not so nice ones. You don't hear people pointing out when people are horrible and atheists, do you?!

Just out of interest .... I thought JW did not drink alcohol? Does he .... if he needs an AA meeting?

I feel for you OP, any kind of brainwashing is just not quite right. You are doing just fine

Hope that didn't sound too harsh. Sorry you're struggling OP, family relationships can be tricky at the best of times

I have a very nice JW friend. We often discuss her religion. I think it is completely bonkers, nonsensical and disgustingly and dangerously patriarchal, but I am much too polite to tell her that.

I can see the draw of being a JW -- you have an instant community of millions of friends worldwide with whom you share a belief system. The belief system gives you a simplistic way of understanding a baffling and often scary world.

But I can see how the whole hierarchical set-up is the perfect system for the abuse of women and children. I think men who are attracted to JW find it appealing for the power it gives them over women and children.

So of course your father, a powerless pathetic (closeted?) alcoholic would find JWs the perfect vehicle for his hypocrisy and ego.

Trust your gut. You are right about them.

You don't hear people pointing out when people are horrible and atheists, do you?!

I have.

Anyway, unless he actually wants to rekindle with you I would ignore him.

Sorry for late reply...entertaining a 10 monthold during lockdown!

@SpendAPennyPenny you're right I am sure there are nice ones, but my experience had been quite damaging and I wondered if others had similar/different experiences. This faith in particular is quite controversial and imo cultish so maybe attracts a higher proportion of, erm, odd people.

@bulletjournalbilly yes it is a sort of brainwashing. Sometimes suddenly I am just that 12 year old girl again being 'shown the light' by a bunch of adults with a watchtower for hours on end. He has alcohol problems and when he was younger drug issues too. He's not drunk in the pub everyday but as an example, he once turned v nasty when I asked him not to drink beer whilst driving me and my brothers to a bbq when they were 8 and 6. He dried to get me to decant it into an orange juice bottle! Sort of constant low level drinking which he can hide with reckless moments which he can 'atone' for. It is frowned upon but is sort of put down to him being a 'weak man' - his words. Such hypocrisy.

@Wereallsquare thank you. You have perfectly articulated my thoughts in my more emotionally sound moments! He is v misogynistic and this religion normalises that and has always been a way for him to exert power over me whislt dressing it up as a kindness. I was never meek enough, too fat (I'm normal), hair too short etc etc. He has a way of getting into my head like no one else and sometimes I wobble!

Keep well away that religion will ruin your life, all holidays celebration cancelled, meetings four times a week, you’ll end up number crunching for more members. Hugs.

Nasty cult

Hi there, I realise this thread is over a month old, but I hopefully it's still ok to post here.

My mum is a JW and I was also raised as one, but decided to leave the faith when I was in my mid 20s. I'd say I'm an atheist now.

There are some lovely people in the organisation like any other religion, as well as some really weird or abusive / dodgy ones, but at the end of the day it is a cult, and there is strong emphasis on viewing any information that is not approved by the official Watchtower and Bible Tract Society as something to be ignored or avoided. There's a lot of brainwashing, guilt tripping, 'us-and-them' thinking, and of course obsession with the end of the world.

Covid-19 definitely sets off the 'Armaggeddon' alarm. My mum has mentioned it to me a few times and keeps reminding me to pray and read the Bible etc. I just say ok and don't really do anything. I guess it's her way of trying to show her care and concern, even though she probably realises I'm no longer a JW since I haven't associated with them for years. I haven't told her outright that I'm an atheist, but generally avoid getting into religious discussions with her.

Parents, especially abusive and controlling ones, do have a way of getting into our heads and pushing our buttons.
It is worth enforcing some personal boundaries in your interactions with your dad. If he is regularly abusive then it might be better to avoid all contact. Is there any particular reason to still keep in touch with him?

Have you thought about looking into some counselling or support to help you deal with the pain from your dad being abusive and a poor role model when younger? There is a lot of information online about handling parents who are abusive, insulting or manipulative. Lots of Ex-JWs also talk about their experiences and how they moved on.
It helps to remember that while you didn't have much control over your circumstances as a child, you are definitely in charge of your own life as an adult. Abusive parents will keep doing what they do, but we have the power now to say 'No, I'm not getting into that conversation.' or 'I don't appreciate being talked to like that.' etc. It's can be very difficult to assert ourselves like that, but it's important to remember that you shouldn't have to tolerate nasty comments from anyone, including a parent. He is unlikely to change for the better, so it's easier to change your own approach to him for your own mental well-being.

FWIW OP AA and religion tend to go hand-in-hand, so if it wasn't JW he'd likely have ended up in the thrall of some other bampot christian cult.

Plenty of places that offer support and counselling for alcoholics that aren't affiliated with churches.

My GM is a JW. They constantly tell her to keep away from her (excommunicated) Daughter (my Aunt). They are a cult and I don't like them very much as a group.

As a Jehovah's Witness myself this whole thread breaks my heart.
Yes There are bad people in our organisation, just like in any other part of any organisation in the world..... You go to a place of work, there will be a few bad people there, join a local church group, all the members wont be good.
Please don't make assumptions of us all based on your experiences with one person.
I can also assure posters that we are not a cult and are nothing to be feared. We live our lives in accordance to bible principles and try to show love and compassion to all. We are not discouraged from spending time with non-believers, none of my family are Jehovah's witnesses but I have a wonderful relationship with them.
Please I implore people to do their research before making assumptions and harsh judgements on a host of people based on their experiences with one.

My friend was a JW her whole life but recently disassociated due to not fully believing in some aspects. She also felt every part of her life had been micro managed. She has been shunned from the entire social network she has ever known. Not even a hello is allowed. She is obviously distraught. I'm sure there are a lot of non believing JW's who stay in the religion just so they don't lose their family and friends.

I have a friend who was raised JW and he told me that every Saturday he had to go to JW classes where they were basically taught presentation and sales skills...such as 'repetition for emphasis '.
I'll say that again ....REPETITION for emphasis. .

Check out John Cedars channel on YT. I was watching random videos about scientology and was lead to his channel about JW. Lloyd is an ex JW.

@Friendofthemouse But if someone leaves the JW faith, you are indeed urged to stay away from them, right? That's pretty horrible for that person. It's practices like this that cause people to label it a cult.

@Friendofthemouse

If none of your family are JWs but you are allowed to speak to them then they cannot be ex-members, or you would dive instructed to shun them, so you must have been drawn into it yourself rather than grown up within it.

The way in which this organisation, which is indeed a cult, functions is to prey on and brainwash vulnerable people. I do that hope you are ok and will one day find the strength to escape their clutches.

dive?? have been

@Friendofthemouse

If it looks like a cult and quacks like a cult..

You have all clearly made up your minds so I will not waste my time trying to explain anything. I only hope that one day non of you are blindly judged in ignorance by others.

I've know quite a few JW and worked with several
It is a cult. A cult with a smiling face but still a cult. One person I worked with left the religion and, of course, her family and 'friends' had nothing to do with her again
Despite being wrong twice that the world is ending the believers still believe
And the ridiculous, arbitrary number of believers who will be welcomed into heaven
Also hypocritical. I met one who needed a heart transplant. She had found a surgeon to do a 'dry' transplant which she meant no blood transfusion despite the heart being full of blood. Dry it out and it would be useless

A friend from school was raised a jw and at 16 she left home and the organisation. She thinks it's a cult that actually ruins lives. She has siblings who all left the religion at 16. They hated my friend having non jw friends outside of school. They accepted it at school because they were no other children in our year who were jw and only very few in our entire school. I have read ex jw on reddit plus other accounts and the vast majority of people say its a cult.

Ex JW, not disfellowshipped but walked away twenty five years ago. There are good and bad in each congregation but the religion is rotten to the core. Look up the two witness rule to cases of child abuse.

It's funny how so many people have a 'friend' that knows something isn't it. And if you believe everything you Google and read in the media then you are clearly more naive than me.
I won't respond again, you all enjoy your witch-hunt. Remember that we are all people and kindness costs nothing.

Over the years I've had a few friends who were JWs and all were absolutely lovely! Just fell out of touch, moved away etc.. Have one friend currently who is one, she didn't tell me for ages until we were discussing politics and she said she doesn't vote because of her religion. Since then she has occasionally sent me links to things or the odd bible quote but not in a pushy way, I think it's because she cares and wants to save me. She has a lot of non JW friends so I'm guessing isn't as strict as some?

Have had some pushy ones come to the door before, though...