Any other athiests out there who had to grieve God and Jesus?

[Whitefishy]

Is it normal to go through a grieving process as an atheist who’s been brought up in religion? I’ve been an atheist for over ten years so it’s nothing new but I can’t seem to get over the fact that a really miss God and Jesus from my life. It’s as if they are family members who died.

I was brought up in an extremely strict and immersive religious household where every thing we did revolved around church. I was taught to believe that Jesus is like a big brother and that’s exactly how I felt about him as a child and teenager. I felt a lot of love for him, the same as for my actual brothers and more.

Does anyone else feel like this and is there anything that can be done about it like a magic switch I can press?

I’m wary of this post attracting people who want to save me. This is not the point of this thread. I do have a God shaped hole in my life unfortunately but it can’t be filled as I can’t force myself to believe. I wish it was a simple as that.

I do envy those with faith. It made for a happier life.

@GoldenEvilHoor are you in the "Wee Free"? given that most of their churches are in incredibly rural/isolated communities I can understand why leaving probably isn't an option.

I do envy those with faith. It made for a happier life.

That may be your experience; mine is that I'm pretty much as happy as I was before. There are some very miserable people who have faith - and people who are made miserable by it (guilt in particular).

I haven't read all of the other comments but my point of view

I was raised in a very religious country, very religious mum (dad couldn't give a damn). I was also very religious until I was about 18 and moved away. I started thinking more for myself. Exploring other spirituality. Slowly started realizing how hateful the bible is and how the church is just awful and generally how hypocritical christian god is. I couldn't accept that. I wanted to believe in a god, but what kind of eternal 'loving' parent gives their 2 year old a terminal illness. For what? To teach them a lesson? To teach the parents a lesson? What was the point of putting this small child on earth only to make most of his days alive suffering. And then someone would say "it's all god's plan".

What? Plan? I couldn't accept that. I couldn't believe a being made purely out of love would do that. So I gave up on religion completely. I gave up god. I was still spiritual and believed in some sort of higher power but it wasn't it. I missed believing into someone protecting me too. So for years I stayed non religious until at one point I reached the lowest point of my life and grabbed a rosary to pray. I prayed and prayed but I didn't pray to christian god. I prayed to love. I prayed to my idea of love. I prayed to my version of God - the version that loves everyone and doesn't make people suffer, doesn't drown his children when they don't listen, doesn't set an entire city on fire and turns people into salt. I prayed to what I thought God was and bot what church represented him as.

I strongly believe religion is a way of mass control now - as I realized the way I felt while believing before - I was afraid and that just isn't on. The fear of god is just scaremongering. God (or in my case goddess as I believe she is a female) doesn't want you to be afraid, they want to support you through tough times, hold your hand when man made illnesses get you down and give you strength when you need it.

So I changed my belief. I rejected what I realized was bad for me. I am not fully there yet, my belief isn't 100% there but I am meditating 15-20 mins every day with guided meditation and if feeling down I will say my own prayers. I express gratitude daily. I call upon Angels to guide me. I believe I have taken the good side of the bible and used it in my own way. I do believe in Jesus tho - but not as a holy child but as a prophet in a way. I think Jesus in 2019 is more like Ghandi or Mother Theresa than someone born via immaculate conception who rose from the dead.

I am not sure if any of this makes sense. I am still trying to figure out what I truly believe. But maybe this could be a way for you too OP?

Ask yourself what does God represent for you - then youtube some guided meditation and try and talk to her/him. I cried first time I did it - but mostly because I was down and the feeling of relaxation I got from it was bliss and I was grateful for that moment of peace. :)

Its perfectly normal op. I have a relative who was brought up a strict catholic, deconverted as a young adult. But 40 years later still has nightmares about going to hell.

That is what religions/cults do, indoctrinate at such a young age that it is permanently embedded in the subconscious. You can leave the religion but the religion will never leave you.

Secondly, as you are experiencing, the church 'community' is made part of you life, routine & culture so much so that if you walk away you are leaving behind your whole life, family, invisible friends and you are left with a hole in your life.

In time you can build a new secular community for yourself. But convincing your brain their is no god shaped hole in your heart is a lot harder and probably needs professional help to recover from.

Religion has a lot to answer for.

I think it's perfectly normal to miss something that was a large part of your life. Absolute belief in something from early years always seems more deep rooted and leaves a bigger hole when reality finally kicks in. Your own journey probably had you trying to deny your burgeoning atheism, and sticking around for more years while not really belonging wouldn't have helped. Denial of facts is a strong cult trait, as is an absence of logic, similar to lots of Brexiteer beliefs.

I made your journey in reverse, OP. I was a rabid atheist until I was 36. I then had an encounter with the presence of God, and have been a committed Christian ever since.
My church bears no resemblance to the terrible ones described by PPs. We see God as love incarnate, who willingly suffered crucifixion to demonstrate that love for us. Our weekly services are full of shared community, laughter, friendship, singing and worship.
Being supported by God has got me through the premature death of my DH, 27 years of widowhood, and two suicide attempts by one of my DDs. I’ve had the privilege of knowing some truly excellent, caring, intelligent, humble church ministers.
I’d urge all of you who have turned away from God’s love to consider going back, but to a liberal and loving church, not one of the abusive ones you’ve described.

Golden I've seen your posts on several threads.

I just want to say that I believe you and I'm so sorry for the horrible situation you're in. It's not your fault in any way and you're not bad or evil.

Be kind to yourself x

Golden- are you a GS SB perchance?

OP sorry you feel loss, can't think of anything helpful to say as I still do believe. I would miss it hugely if I didn't.
Loss and grief are so difficult/ painful.

I don't want to come across as one of those "trying to save you" but if you feel the loss that keenly, just ponder why you left. If you said you were happier as an unbeliever I could kind of understand more. Sorry if that sounds rude. I don't mean it to.

I know what you mean OP. I don't really miss the rituals etc but more the comfort in not being responsible for my own happiness if you know what I mean. It was easier to believe there was someone/thing else responsible for everything.

It is perhaps the same way that we grieve childhood, being a 6 year old without a care.
Personally I prefer to sterr my own ship.

I am a deeply spiritual person, but I cannot accept the misogynistic shackles of organised religion.

Religion does not own spirituality.

OP, if you like reading I’d recommend Tolstoy’s Ressurection. His relationship and struggles with his beliefs really resonate with me. I think the subject of people’s struggles with faith is pretty profound, beautiful and human. I’m very interested in theology, humanism and art- I do miss the sense of belonging I imagine being a religious adult may have- but also have a big problem with many aspects of religion and am an atheist. I think you can engage with the mysteries of life, beauty, meaning- as an atheist.

Hi, ooh yes, totally get you. I haven't come from a strict christian background, but it was definitely a feature in my childhood and I have kind of dabbled in and out. I thought I was coming back to something I really needed in christianity until it started to feel like a comfort blanket that felt suffocating and restrictive. I felt drawn to other spiritual speakers like Krishnamurti, who talks about truth being a pathless land and that spoke to me in an entirely different way. It has felt very lonely to question all of this so it's reassuring to read your comments and anyone else's! It is hard to explain though, sort of wish I hadn't delved into it really as it has impacted me on pretty much every level of my life!