Going to church when your partner is reluctant

[speedymama]

For a long time I have been wanting to nurture my spiritual side because I want my DTS who are 2yo to attend Sunday School and learn about Christ and what he stood for. I have started attending a Spirituality at Work discussion group at work. DH is resistant to going to church because to him it is boring. He knows that I want to start taking the boys to Sunday School next year and is supportive. I would like us to go as a family but he has already stated that it is not for him.

I'm interested to know how others manage to nurture spirituality in their family when they have a reluctant partner.

I am a Catholic and the DSs are as well. DH isn't anything. When we got married, the priest said that my going to church and stuff should never be the cause of an argument between us and that the marriage was more important.

Dh would come to church with us if I wanted him to but, tbh, I find it more stressful with him there as he feels uncomortable. He comes at Christmas and other important occasions.

Agree with custardo - if you are prepared to put in the graft and he is genererally supportive (i.e. not begative about it) then it is worth it.

Yesterday I read a Ladybird bird book about the birth of Jesus to the 2yo DTS. They were memorised by it and afterwards, DT1, took the book and was reading it, well paraphrasing it himself. Then this morning when I put them on the potty, DT1 got the book again and was paraphrasing the story again.

I have also bought a CD called "Away in a Manger" which has all the Christmas Carols interspersed with the spoken words to the Nativity Story. The boys love that too, especailly the carol "Once in Royal David's City" which I have to keep playing at infinitum.

DH is really impressed and I reiterated to him that it was definitely time for the boys to go to Sunday School and he agreed!.

Thank you for your prayers and I'll keep praying too.

I too am in a one-sided faith marriage. I am christian, was brought up going to sunday school, and then church.

My ex-boyfriend was totally against it all, and as a result of being young and so called in-love I let my faith take a back seat.

With my current DH, he respects my faith, we have had the girls christened and their god-parents (my brother and SIL) are regular church goers and do their best by them.

For me, the girls are too young to understand yet (2.5 and 1.1) so I only take them at christmas time. They have numerous bibles and bible story books, but they still dont get it.

I will take Jessica to Sunday school next september once she turns 3 - the lowest age they take them, but not before.

I wish I could get to church more than I do, but with 2 little ones at home, and being an Army family, its not easy to find a decent church. The one church I do attend is and has been "my church" since I was 5yrs old but is 30 miles away.

DH supports me 110% with bringing the girls up in a christian family. He may not agree with my beliefs, but respect is a big factor.

I will be taking the girls to the christmas services over the next few weeks (will be staying at my dads so easy to do) and DH will stay home with my Dad and do xmas preperations, it works for us at the moment.

After christmas, I have also committed to helping at the church run youth club, and when I finally manage to move back to Ipswich, I will also help with the Boys Brigade on a tuesday night.

DH supports this, and without his backing, Im not sure where we would be.

Jarm, good luck!

my dh is not just reluctant, he is an atheist.

I take our three to church/ Sunday school and they love it.

It does not bother me that dh has no interest in coming. We are so different in every way and this is just another example.

DH is coming to the Carol Service on Sunday, and bringing the children... the reason being I'll be up at the front, leading it!!!

Please pray that it goes well - DS may prove to be a bit of a handful, he might want to join mummy!

just do it. i have gone back to going to mass d/h is catholic but doesn't really believe. so it is difficult. Did attend on Christmas day and it made my christmas to go as a family. I get alot from it and hope our example will encourage him.

I think this is harderif you did not go to church or have those beliefs when you met.

I go to church every week and dp comes every other week and he makes an effort to chat to the priestand speak respectfully about my beliefs. He also shows an interest in whatdd has done atliturgy.

I do notice at church though that lots of dads just don;t go and kids don't seem to bothered. You need to make church a special fun place for your children and they will justaccept that they go with you and not dad if he doesn;t want to go.

I know that dp sees church as family time and for that reason does not resent going.

It's good to know that there are others of you in a similar position to me. I was brought up a Methodist, taught in the Sunday School and was very involved, then married DH who comes from an atheist family. He has supported me in having the children christened (inspite of comments from his family) and he would never stop me going and taking the children.

SM - have you taken the dc to church yet, if so did they enjoy it?

I'm in a similar position, DH non-believer, I've been brought up in church, like a second home to me, (even though I think myself relatively still on the fence looking into church) wishing I was a better person.

I have 3yo twins DS & DD and an 11yo DS, and this christmas the twins knew it was Jesus' birthday, we sung happy birthday to Jesus on Christmas day, bless them!

But to tell you the truth, I havent been to church much this year as twins like to hear their footprints (rather loudly) I must make more of an effort now they are 3yo and seem to have turned a corner from the terrible 2's

Each to their own & your DH is ntitled to his own views, opinions & faith (or lack there of).
You don't HAVE to ALL do it & he is supportive in our needs & wants for yourself & your childen. THAT is what matters

Respect needs to be symmetrical.
Fair enough if you want to take your child to church and have them taught about one view of God.

But are you OK with DH saying "it's just bollocks isn't it ?".

I'm not a Christian, but was (sort of) shocked last time I ended up in a Church. It was rubbish, actively contemptuous of known history and peddling support for George Bush.

It's all very well saying one should be supportive, but that implies that at the very least your partner is neutral about the issue.

Do you feel obliged to support DH's atheism ?

Is it not a matter of personal choice ?

its reversed in our house - I'm agnosic/anti-organised religion, DH is lapsed methodist with an interest in DS knowing his religion. I have absolutely no problem with DS knowing about God/going to church with his Dad but I also want DS to understand why I don't believe that you need to spend an hour in a churhc once a week to be a good person. Like DC says I want DS to have more than one view of god (one view will do fine for mr bush tho!)

gulp. [FX: meowmix faints in realisation that she agreed with DC about something]

You need to agree these tehings before marriage. My ex husband spends more time in churches than I do but my religion was more important to me than his to him (he's C of E) so he was quite happy they were brought up as Catholics. My mother married a non Catholic and so did her mother. So three generations have managed that process without any problems. Harder in our house because usually my husband was playing the organ in a church of a differen religion on a Sunday so the children would usually be with me. In some ways one who isn't bothered or will tag along is easier. Hardest situation must be where before yo uhave the baby one is saying must be Muslim/Jewish/Hindu and other is saying Christian etc - some of those marriages don't even go ahead because those difficulties are insurmountable.

It is amazing how sometimes people don't seem to talk about the marriage as a long term thing.
The priest who married us always felt the unease that an old gay bloke had when carrying out the "advice" session that he was supposed to conduct before marrying people.

However, he told the tale of one couple who he innocently asked how they would raise their children. Became quickly and strongly apparent that one wanted lots kids now, and the other was wholly against them ever.

Marriage was called off soon after.

He felt guilty about that, until he came to the conclusion that although the short term had been unpleasant, he'd probably saved them from years of pain.
Both turned up married and with the indivdually desired number of kids a few years later. Happy ending.

For a long time, I've wondered if the divorce rate could be seriously cut by some cheap therapy of this form.

My DH is a bit like this. He goes, but his heart isn't really in it. I teach Sunday school one day a month, and we together as a family on one other day of the month. So, that leaves us half of our weekends without church, one weekend where I go (with DD and leave DS with DH) and one weekend where we all go each month. It seems to be the balance that works for us and our busy lives. DD also goes to the school (nursery) connected to the church so she gets some exposure there too.

Well, I took the DTS to Sunday school with DH and he went to the main Church service.

DTS spent most of the time running around (they are 2yo10months) but when we got ready to join the main service, the teacher said a prayer and they joined their hands together and bowed their heads like the other children .

DH enjoyed the main service and said that things always appear to be worse until you experience them. He was glad he went and will be going again next week!

I think there was some misunderstanding by some of the posters like DC. DH is not an atheist or agnostic - he just thinks that church can be boring and did not want to feel obliged by going every week. That was never my intention but I realised that it would be easier on all of us if he attended also. Fortunately, he felt better for going.

Thanks for all the advice and prayers. It was much appreciated.