Vicar sending his children to private school?

[jellybeans]

Hi all, just curious to your opinions as some of my friends and I have felt a little uncomfortable with the vicar of our CE church/primary school as he has 4 children, two eldest at private fee paying (secondary age) school, two youngest at local CE school that the vicar is associated with. He at first wanted to send them all to private schools but the church thought it wouldn't look good so to use the CE primary and then go on to private at secondary age. I still feel uneasy about it, should I? (local area is affluent and secondary has good rep and results)

I don't think you should feel uncomfortable about it. As others have said, clergy children often do qualify for assisted places. Also, clergy children often move schools more frequently than many children, and it may just be that his particular children have needs better met in a school other than the local one.

Sorry it does sound confusing, it is a church attatched to a school. It is when considering getting more involved with the church that I thought about this issue. Have no probs with the school or vicar.

I see where you're coming from, jellybeans. Depending on the sort of community you live in, people sometimes expect high-profile community figures to be a strong part of their community. Traditionally, every community would have a vicar/religious figure and teacher.

I know a lot of people are poo pooing you, but this can be an issue in tight communities and I fully understand it. Vicars have an important role in comforting, supporting and making sense of the human world for their parishioners. They're not just there for the god stuff.

Not sure where I stand on it, but I definitely see your point.

I'm black and go to a very affluent, m/class white church. What I know is that we all serve the same God and He sees us all as equals.

By all means look for another church, but... no church is perfect and when we find the perfect one... as the saying goes... we spoil it!

(Not having a go as the last comment was made tongue in cheek)

Message withdrawn

I thought it was traditionally a perk of being a vicar that your children get subsidised entrance to a private school. I went to sixth form college with at least two (that I know of) daughters of vicars who had both been to private 11-16 schools.

But that's the conflict, marslady. We are all equal but the man passing on this message can be seen to be more equal.

There are plenty of vicars' kids in state schools too. What is wrong with a church ministering to / identifying with middle class people?

Only if we don't accept ourselves as who we are. I think it speaks more about us if we are upset that people make different choices to us. We are so quick to judges churches and vicars when they don't seem to go against the norm and in the same breath we get truly peed off with them for not going with it iyswim! (Makes sense in my head)

I'm with you, Mars

Oh and... cos clearly I'm on a self-appointed roll here.... I can honestly tell you that none of my friends who educate privately think of themselves as more highly than me!

'this can be an issue in tight communities and I fully understand it. Vicars have an important role in comforting, supporting and making sense of the human world for their parishioners. They're not just there for the god stuff. '

That may be it. Also that the last vicar seemed so down to earth and his kids mixed with all the other kids/community etc. It is pretty tight knit. A few people have mentioned it tbh generally those on the fringe of the church. The church even admitted it would look 'bad' if they didn't attend the CE primary and thus thats why they attended. I just feel it is not promoting inclusivity.

yer doing a sterling job here Mars

All this talk of choices. I think the nub is that all people do not have the same choices.

I'm not advocating a particular point of view. But there is an issue here for some people and sometimes this sort of thing is brushed away as a non-issue.

Agree malory, but then the doctor's/teacher's/policeman's kids have it hard too. All these professional -in-the-community roles.

honey.. the rich have the right to God as well! Surely he is being inclusive and the private educators can feel that they too can identify with the vicar.

In all honesty it sounds like you're missing the old vicar and as my vicar would say..."You're missing the cucumbers aren't you?" [That aside is taken from the children of Eygpt who having escaped Pharoah's slavery were moaning about their freedom because they missed the food - which included cucumbers]

Sometimes clergy get a discount on fees. Is the secondary also C of E affiliated or is the private one ? tbh unless he is sending them to one of a different denomination I don't see a problem, his choice as much as yours .

Everyone can go to state school. That's inclusive.

Lots can't go private. That's exclusive.

'All this talk of choices. I think the nub is that all people do not have the same choices. '
Very true. There is alot of disadvantage that the church deal with which contrasts.

Also, perhaps it is merely a case that we got so used to the old vicar being so involved with the community and his kids attending the same schools etc and being so down to earth and inclusive that we have too high expectations.

The local secondary is not CE or any affilated religon, neither is the private one.

And yet.... we act sometimes as though having money (and I don't so speak from the luxury of having less than lots but more than some) is the biggest sin.

The Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil, not money.

Yes, I do see that jhelleybeans is really missing the old guy. And maybe that's the biggest upset.

But there is an valid issue that can be debated.

Have to say that the comment around him wanting to send his younger children but the church not allowing it is fairly dubious. IME there is loads of speculation about why church leaders make certain decisions and very little of it is based on truth.

We are in church leadership and chose not to send our ds to the school attached to the church (an unusual move as the majority of church kids go there). It has been viewed that the school was "not good enough" for us. Our main concern was actually that ds1 was already being labelled as being a bit of a handful (at 4), and that he would remained thus labelled in a relatively small class (he would have been in a class of 7). We instead sent him to a boys school which we felt would cater more for his personality. He's just come home with a cup after managing to control his temper in a situation where he would have previously lost it. We are comfortable that we made the right decision for us, but I'm still getting comments on it. Christians are amongst those quickest to judge alas.

ah yes there is pointydog... but this issue is a separate one.

Me... I'm all for inclusion as long as it's exactly the way that I want! lol