afraid of dying

[babaluscious]

It sounds silly but I can't stop thinking that one day I will die and be no more. I'm not I'll (as far as I know) and know I'm lucky to have lived such a full life so far in which I've loved and been loved. But for some reason, when I'm tired or up in the night after feeding the baby I think about it and get so scared. I know it's inevitable and so there's not much point being worried but I can't help it. I wish I had been brought up in the church as perhaps then I'd feel the sense of peace many Christian folk I've met seem to emanate. But I find religion to be a leap of faith I cannot seem to make with my oh so logical and literal brain. Not sure what I am looking for with responses. Just wanted to write my fears in the hope it will somehow finish them.
Thanks for reading if you got this far.

You could try "Consciousness after Death" by Pim van Lommel. The author is an agnostic Dutch medic who has researched these phenomena over many years. (Not one of the many Americans who have been visited by angels, and similar 'woo'.)

Lol, that's funny TTWK, you'll lift the mood with that one for sure, do you think there might be someone that won't find it funny, if not, hehe anyway.

Glad to have been of assistance. On a similar theme, I want this poem read at my funeral:

"What does Reincarnation mean?"
A guy once asked his friend.
His pal replied, "It happens when
Your life has reached its end.
They comb you hair, and wash you neck,
And clean your fingernails,
And lay you in a padded box
Away from life's travails."

"The box and you goes in a hole,
That's been dug into the ground.
Reincarnation then starts when
You’re planted beneath a mound.
Those clods melt down, just like your box,
And you who is inside.
And then you’re just beginning on
Your transformation ride."

"In a while, the grass'll grow
Upon your rendered mound.
Till some day on your worn out grave
A lonely flower’s found.
And say a horse should wander by
And graze upon this flower
That once was you, but now's become
Your vegetative power."

"The flower that the horse did eat
And with his other feed,
Makes bone, and fat, and muscle
Essential to the steed,
But some is left that he can't use
And so it passes through,
And finally lays upon the ground
This thing, that once was you."

"Then say, by chance, I wander by
And see this upon the ground,
And I ponder, and I wonder at,
This object that I found.
I think of reincarnation,
Of life and death, and such,
And come away concluding: mate,
You ain't changed all that much

Thanks for posting TTWK.

I love that, TTWK! And, being even more disorderly in death then I have been in life is my idea of heaven - physics rocks.

I wish I had been brought up in the church as perhaps then I'd feel the sense of peace many Christian folk I've met seem to emanate

OP, I have to disagree with this. I have no fear of death and my atheism and love of the factual reality of science and nature brings me great comfort. The passage below better articulates what I mean:

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you'd hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him/her that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let him/her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her/his eyes, that those photons created within her/him constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly. "

I had this after the birth of my son and it lasted until I confronted it, really. Trying to think about it less wasn't working, so I decided to think about it more instead, to give back more in service to others, and to take risks and live life more fully. I'm only at the start of this journey but so far it's helped a lot.

I'm a Christian and two books I'd recommend for understanding a Christian perspective on things are 'Mere Christianity' by CS Lewis and 'Surprised By Hope' by Tom Wright. The second is especially good but the first lays the foundations of Christian theology. A third non Christian book I'd recommend is 'Daring Greatly' by Brene Brown. Just brilliant.

Maybe this kind of explains why i am now scared of flying, and never used to be before kids. I can manage it better if they are not on the plane with me.
It seems to confront me with mortality now, more than anything else.

Thanks nope I hope so. It is on my mind most nights at present. I just can't seem to shake these thoughts off :-(

I had this badly after both babies. Was really frightening. I'm fine about it again now. You will be too. Xxx

Thank you Italian grey I think I've always held back with relationships also. Always feared loss and rejection. never "jumped in with both feet" I don't really know how to.

Ninny I love the link but I don't think he was going to say that actually. The presenter interrupted him!

Yay babaluscious I love Messy church!

www.messychurch.org.uk/messy-churches

To be honest you don't really need to suspend anything. You take your fears, doubts and uncertainties along with you. Like when you meet a new man/woman/partner could they love me, do they love me etc etc. You don't sit down and weight it al up, you just experience it. Isn't life a total miracle. That egg and sperm that make both or your darling kids, and both of mine too! And all of ours.

And I agree with Ninny I think God does not mind at all when we seek him.

Good luck and keep asking but we can't tell you all the answers, but can accompany you along the way.

Hi nimini I think my eldest is the right age (4 almost 5) to start introducing messy church as a fun family activity. She is asking a lot of questions which I think church could offer answers to. Whether she, or my youngest, decide to retain those views/ values as they get older is for them to decide. DH already believes. As for me I think it's a slightly less straightforward path. But one I am keen to explore.

Italian that's a great link. I love it 'church is more fun than going shopping nowadays and you get free wine half way through'

babalicious, I don't think God minds if you only look at him when you're feeling scared. I think that God just loves us and loves us and loves us and is happy when we turn towards him for whatever reason.

Why not take the kids to messy church? it doesn't matter if you don't believe (plenty of people there won't) but you'll all have a good time together.

and thanks for the link.

italiangrey I do sometimes feel that God is reaching out to me but I feel that I am being selfish to only look from Him when I am feeling scared and in awe of how fleeting life is. As someone on another thread has said - I don't know how to suspend pragmatism and believe in God. I wish I could. Have given much thought to taking our kids to messy church to help them access God in a way I didn't when I was a child.

stealth I've often considered that pov that death would be like returning to the void or space we all inhabited before birth and indeed that's how I explain it to eldest DD (4) who has just started to ask about what happens when you die. I tell her we came down from the sky as stars and that's where we return to so we can watch over our families. Another interpretation I use is that we give a piece of ourselves to the people we love so they can carry it with them (but I think DD took that too literally!)

Christian homes not Chri8stai home!!!

ad

on what he thinks is a silent retreat!

What a brilliant thread. I too get scared and have to drag my thoughts back into the present. It makes me try and live in the moment and enjoy the small wonderful moments. My eldest asked me what death was like and I repeated what I'd read on here - I asked her if she remembered life before she was born, as that's what it would be when she was no longer here. But oh how wonderful it would be to meet relatives and friends again. My grandmother believed she would and I'm glad for her. She took a lot of comfort from her belief.

babaluscious I know what you mean, having a baby really makes it all seem quite amazing, that we are here at all.

I hope you will not worry too much and will enjoy this special time.

But maybe God is reaching out to you. as a Christian I believe that God is there, that he cares for us and about us, just as you care for your little ones.

It's not all about sin and stuff, although we are not perfect, none of us would claim to be surely. But I do believe that faith makes life better. Please do feel free to ask me anything here or by pm.

Just so you know I have been a Christian over 30 years. It was a concious decision, although for some others who grow up in a Chri8stai home it is more of a gradual thing.

You may find that your thoughts and ideas and preconceptions about faith are both right and wrong! In one way it can make life and death easier but sometimes harder! It is not so much a destination, although I do believe most definitely that there is a heaven, but it is also a journey, a pilgrimage/pathway/walk through life. It can be dull and full, rich and rewarding and down right annoying. It adds another layer to life. IMHO.

I am C of E and I feel the C of E (church of England) offers the widest possible range of options from 'high church' (candles, bells and smells and older hymns) to lively (hands clapping, more modern tunes) to just the right in the middle! We (Anglicans) are often accused of being wishy washy, but I like to think we are open, to all people and welcoming, and just trying to move along together on life journey.

I hope you get some answers.

I can't believe I am going to share this clip but as an idea of what faith is like, this one I just found sums up some aspects of it. If you think of the actor preparing for the role of a Christian, not just a vicar, and sharing his honest views as a non-Christian about his experiences with church' then I think it is more persuasive than a lot of specifically evangelicalism church stuff!

It begins with him one what he thinks is a silent retreat!...

www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-15673511

worry about this too bith leaving children but also selfishly I want to be around. I can't get my head around simply not being. then I realised the world was like that, I was like that until 1979. so on death presumably I will revert to that. that helped, a little bit :)

Sounds easy but it might take some practice! I guess what I'm.saying is that it's not the thoughts themselves that are problematic, it's the meaning and importance you're giving them which is the cause of the stress. You can't choose not to have some thoughts but not others, unfortunately! But you can work on your interpretations,meanings and importance you give them.

Also the harder you try not to think about something, the more you will think about it, and will notice and be bothered when you think about it. Just try to accept the thoughts as natural, notice them without trying to push them away, then refocus on something in the present moment...

ovu I do feel like I'm wasting time thinking about this but these thoughts creep into my head late at night or when I have any downtime (I'm constantly busy working FT with two kids under 5). I wish I could stop thinking about it. Maybe I should counter these thoughts by focussing on the now as you suggest.

It is very scary isn't it, when you consider the harsh reality of death. It sounds to me like you may be wasting some very precious time worrying about something or.a particular pattern of events that may never happen. When you do that, acknowledge the potential sadness but then try to refocus on the present moment and reality as it is now. Most importantly, don't beat yourself up for having these thoughts!