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Original poster

Fellow Athiests: How Do You Cope With Church?

48 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:02

This is a problem that is only going to get worse, over the next few years.

I am an atheist. Never been religious, never been baptised, not interested.

I'm really not comfortable in churches. Partly because I'm worried I'll do the wrong thing, etc etc, but mostly because I don't like to pretend to be religious and do the singing, and the standing up and sitting down. But of course I don't want to stand out. Also, because I don't belong there, I am not religious, I should not be there!

Helpfully, DS1 is going to a church school. (I know! If there was a good atheist school available to us, he'd be there. There isn't.) So I will be going to more services soon.

Should I just mouth the words? Sing them? (I don't know the tune! I don't know the words! And I'd feel such a fraud, anyway!) Aaargh.

The whole thing just annoys the aitch-eee-double-hockey-sticks out of me, tbh.

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Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:21

Hmm, well, we're not exactly toeing the line, God-wise, at home, so I don't think he's exactly getting indoctrinated.

I do feel inclined to sit/stand as they are, just to not stand out. I am quite clear that I won't take communion, just to fit in. It's the other bits I'm not clear on.

Yes, there will be other non-believing parents, I'm sure, although I'm dismayed to see how many of the parents are English white etc etc. I feel quite foreign there, tbh.

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Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:22

Some of the words are pretty scary, though! Particularly if you're not familiar with them.

(Also, I am not a great singer, and DH is worse, and generally sat next to me, so finding the tune at all is a horrible struggle, tbh.)

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Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:22

By scary, I mean, I'm not comfortable singing something about some imaginary person's blood. I mean, it's pretty gross and direct and ... ugh. No.

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harpsichordcarrion · 29/10/2006 20:23

oh sorry, I do the standing up and sitting down and when the prayers etc come I just adopt an expression of serene detachment and look at the prayer book or service sheet.
and there is NO REASON why you shouldn't be there btw. god won't mind. what with him not existing and so on

foxinsocks · 29/10/2006 20:24

I don't know how much churchy stuff they do - are they connected with the big 'church' of the same name?

I think your ds will probably get loads of it and you will be saved only the Xmas/Easter/Harvest type events!

harpsichordcarrion · 29/10/2006 20:25

hymn tunes are peasy to pick up once you get going.
I wouldn't take communion, though, that would be a step too far imo

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:25

Well, yes, good point.

DH gets very exasperated with me refusing to go along with it all, on the grounds that nobody there actually believes, and I just take it all too seriously, which is mad, what with me being atheist ...

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Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:27

Yes, they provide the little boys who sing in that "church". And they call the "church" their school chapel, in a lighthearted sort of way.

Trust me, re: tunes. I did quite a bit of choir, before I wised up, and I can sing ok, but if there is one person out of tune anywhere singing, I will sing along with them. When you are married to the one person guaranteed to be out of tune ... well, it isn't pretty. (But unlike DH I can tell I am out of tune, or in fact just droning along randomly, and it annoys me greatly.)

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jasnDISMemBERED · 29/10/2006 20:29

Yes hymn tunes are usually nicely predictable, just hum them.

Plently of people wouldn't be taking communion, and Christmas/Harvest/Easter services wouldn't all be communion services any way.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:29

(I was kidding about communion! I'm familiar with it via a Catholic school friend, and would never even dream of taking communion! Ever!)

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foxinsocks · 29/10/2006 20:29

how does ds feel about all this??!!

I think he will be getting a hell of a lot of it then (hadn't realised they were so connected!).

I still think you will probably be spared - honestly, once they start school, you really don't get to be that involved anymore!

jasnDISMemBERED · 29/10/2006 20:29

or maybe just mouth them...

foxinsocks · 29/10/2006 20:30

actually, if you enjoy music, you will probably love all the hymns and the singing. They have a marvellous choir.

harpsichordcarrion · 29/10/2006 20:31

I was a bit worried there....
yes, I think a bit of tuneless humming and aimless shuffling through your hymn sheet will make you entirely indistinguishable from the rest of the congregation
we call this "Anglican worship"

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:32

Of course, if I just mouth them, then I get to listen to DH droning along. It's just not good.

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Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:33

DS1 has said he wanted to be a chorister, but I think he's gone off the idea. (They have to board! You can visit them on Saturday afternoons!)

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NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:33

Of course, if musical skills are at all genetic, we're saved from that particular catastrophe.

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harpsichordcarrion · 29/10/2006 20:34

you could just listen to your ipod.

JOKE JOKE

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 29/10/2006 20:39

Don't tempt me.

DH was opposed to me knitting during the service today, too.

Never mind, I spent the whole service in the corner with the kids, reading them dubious religious books and shushing them a lot.

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Trinityrhino · 29/10/2006 20:51

i wouldn't worry about doing something wrong when the old guy upstairs doesn't exist anyway

i feel uncomfortable in church casuse it seems so cultish to be a sinner all the time and have to bow down to god. I just smile and mouth the words as I don't know the tune

sorrell · 29/10/2006 20:55

I sing with great gusto (sorry all) and join in, but that's Ok because I know it's all pretend. I just think it's more public spirited to join in. And I do like Christmas carols.

UnquietDad · 30/10/2006 09:17

Thought there would be a good reason, NQC. I do sympathise with you - it's not a position any parent should have to be put in. We don't have faith hospitals or faith buses, so why faith schools?

I was brought up in a more-or-less Christian household - going to church in that very Middle England, Sunday-duty sort of way. My parents went to church because, well, it's just what you did, especially if you ever wanted to get involved in anything in the village. I didn't question any of it until I was about 16, and only went sporadically during sixth-form - gradually eased off at university.

What always perturbed me, even when I went to church, was the self-abasing nature of the worship - the line in the Confession about being "miserable offenders" always stuck in my throat and I sometimes deliberately didn't say it. "Amazing Grace" was always a bit of a sore one too - "saved a wretch like me?" I'm not a bloody wretch, if you don't mind!!

I think even if someone were to give me enough evidence of God's existence to make it more probable than improbable, I still wouldn't worship.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 30/10/2006 14:15

Well, I do understand why DS1's school is a church school, it actually exists to educate the choristers, teaching non-choristers is just a sideline really.

I guess DH's attitude to religion is a lot like the one you grew up in, it's just "what you do", well, except that he doesn't.

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