Many, many years ago, while we were at university, my then boyfriend became a born-again Christian. There was a lot of pressure on him from more established converts - church elders - to drop me. I never met any of the elders. They were shadowy figures in the background providing counsel to my boyfriend. They asserted I was a bad influence and eventually - after many difficult months - we split up.
I am sure our relationship would have run its course naturally at some point given our differing outlooks, but the artificial ending, the rejection of me by my boyfriend on religious grounds and the condemnation of me by members of the Christian group - they painted me as a scarlet woman - have all had a long-lasting effect on me.
There have been times in my life when I have felt I would like to explore the spiritual dimension of experience a little further (whatever that means!) but have felt blocked. Christianity is culturally familiar from my schooldays but even the word 'Jesus' now sends a cold shiver of dread down my spine because of the 'born-again boyfriend' episode. Other religions just seem foreign to me although I have found it interesting to read about them.
Sometimes I think it would be possible to be spiritual without buying into an established religion wholesale - but then I'm overwhelmed by a horrible feeling that the God stuff is only for 'proper' believers - ie the Born Agains - as if they've annexed off the whole terrain.
In the years since my ex-boyfriend's conversion, I've met many Christians - kind people who have not rejected me on account of my lack of faith - yet somehow their influence does not negate that early traumatic experience.
My ex-boyfriend is now a pastor with an equally devout wife and a small flock of followers. I no longer live near him but know something of his current attitudes from his writings on the Internet. (I know I shouldn't look at them!)
If anything, his views are even more entrenched than they were immediately post-conversion. His words are misanthropic and judgemental. I feel downcast after reading them but keep returning to look. I think I might be set free by some small indication of humility or doubt.
In many ways, I have moved on. I am settled with my DP and DS. I certainly don't want to be with my ex-boyfriend. It's just this uncomfortable feeling around religion that remains ...
I'd be interested to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience. Were you the one 'left behind' after the conversion of your much-loved boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse? How did you cope? Did you ultimately find your own spiritual identity or contentment in atheism?
I'd also like to hear from converts. Did you break up with someone as a result of your conversion? Were you urged to do so by church elders? Was it difficult for you or did your faith carry you through?
Thank you for reading.