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Original poster

Do you believe in 'everything happening for a reason'?

51 replies

Panadbois · 19/05/2014 16:41

For example : I didn't get that job because a better one is around the corner. Or....
You were gazumped because a better house in a better location is waiting for you.

Any positive examples you cam share with me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Panadbois · 20/05/2014 08:20

Hi Indigo, the best example I can pin point is a gazumping example. Fell in love with a house, made an offer etc etc, gutted when we didn't get it. BUT. Found another house and with hindsight, would have found it extremely difficult to heat the first house as it was larger than this one. The first house was back on the market within six months so I'm also thinking we had a lucky escape.

I suppose I am comforting myself by saying it. When I didn't get the last job I interviewed for, I felt bitter, and it has made me 'feel' better. Now applied for four more jobs which are better paid. If I don't get an interview this time round I might think that something better is around the corner, but maybe, I'll loose confidence and stop trying!

Another one is : 'one door closes another one opens'. I wonder who said that for the fist time?

Interesting opinions here, thanks all :-)

OP posts:
PurplyBlue · 20/05/2014 10:37

I think some things happen for a reason you might not have fully grasped yet, and may or may not do sometime in the future.

For example, you fall in love with the town lothario and expect him to stay faithful, then he dumps you for another girl(s) and you find a nicer bloke. You might say that the breakup happened for a reason, in order that you found the nicer bloke, but actually the breakup happened because he was a plonker and you were daft enough to fall for him.

But that's completely different from believing that god/karma/your personal angel has a plan for your life which you have no control over.

Italiangreyhound · 22/05/2014 12:05

I do not believe all things happen for a reason as in God's plan is that each little thing that happens to us if in some way 'His' plan.

I actually find the idea very offensive and sad but I know some people take peace and comfort from it.

Ecclesiastes 9:10-12, in the Message version, seems to put it very eloquently to enjoy life, because we do not know what bad luck will befall us later. I think it applies to all people.

Having said this I have read a book that seems to argue that in praising God in all circumstances FOR all circumstances we can release a blessing, it is called From Prison to Prasie. I must say that having tried this when I had very bad earache when overseas, that it actually 'worked'! In that it made me feel better about the earache and eventually it went away! But theologically I do not agree with it. I do not see why it should work and wonder if it is psychosomatic.

But it was a very good book, if you like that sort of thing!

www.amazon.co.uk/Prison-Praise-Merlin-Carothers/dp/1444724207

trikken · 22/05/2014 12:10

No. Its just lucky if something works out for you. Life is just a bunch of random sequences, obviously we play our own part and our decisions and actions can obviously influence what happens.

Lacreon · 22/05/2014 12:13

I used to believe in fate (and all kinds of other guff) but in recent years I'm embracing stoicism. So no, everything happening for a reason doesn't work for me anymore. Which is a shame, because I liked believing that.

PurplyBlue · 22/05/2014 12:26

It is a psychologically appealing idea, it makes you feel 'special', cared for, looked out for, I suppose in the way that people find comfort in believing in a benevolent god or angels.

LoblollyBoy · 22/05/2014 12:32

Some people in Scotland say 'what's for you won't go by you'. That's not true either. Unlike you, I missed a house once that was certainly 'for me.'

UriGeller · 22/05/2014 12:39

I do. But I also believe there there's no such thing as "bad" things or "good" things. People put their own perceived emotional worth into stuff that happens, so one persons negative is another persons positive.

When something happens, like losing someone you love (as I have) you can choose for it to be an experience that changes you for the better or worse., even a perceived "negative" like that gives us the opportunity to grow in our understanding of ourselves. Can't explain it without sounding a bit flaky sorry Blush but that's the way I see it.

Italiangreyhound · 22/05/2014 12:47

The thing is UriGeller I can see that to some degree for oneself and being lucky that my life has been pretty nice and probably the hardest part of my life has been my fertility issues, but how can I use it for other people.

headinhands · 22/05/2014 14:32

Uri, that sounds horribly victim blamey. "If you allow the fact that your uncle raped you when you were 12 get you down then that's your choice"

AMumInScotland · 22/05/2014 14:48

I'd say there are very definitely things that are 'bad', and any consolation prizes that you get out of it don't stop that from being the case.

Someone might well 'grow' as a result of being horribly injured and disabled. That doesn't stop it from being a 'bad' thing to happen to a person.

The attitude that everyone 'ought' to be strong enough to pull a positive from it makes it very difficult for people who are going through terrible things and are struggling.

StarDustInTheWind · 22/05/2014 15:00

Nope - stuff happens - to me, to you, to everyone, some stuff is good, some is bad... you can't change it, some stuff you tolerate and just live through, some stuff you grow from..

my dad dying from a brain tumour after suffering for 6 months in a coma was not a great thing to happen - it did not happen for a reason, it just happened, and it crushed us emotionally.. BUT he left some money we used to buy a piano, my dd plays beautifully , is taking her g4 exams etc... - it was still not "for a reason"...

UriGeller · 22/05/2014 15:47

headinhands ? Confused but if that's the way it sounds to you. That's ok.

snoofle · 23/05/2014 18:51

ItalianGreyhound. I cant remember if you are a christian or not?

This is one of the harder posts I have had to write.
[I am kins from above]

The bible verse that I quoted.
The good for God is more important than everything being "right" for us. Would you agree?

And our christian aim is to be christlike, and if that includes hard obstacles, we still want to do or not do whatever it is. Agree?

Staywithme · 23/05/2014 19:06

Nope. I believe that shit happens for no reason. My family and I are going through an horrendous time at the moment and if one more prick says to me 'god is good' I swear they'll find out if things happen for a reason! Angry And I think I'll pour that drink now.

Staywithme · 23/05/2014 19:09

Oops. That was not directed at any posters on here bty. Only new here and it's a bit soon to fight with anyone. Grin

casparthecat · 23/05/2014 19:14

Going against the grain here because yes I do believe in that phrase. Not in the sense that you didn't get that house because a better one is around the corner but in the sense that, as spiritual beings, we are here to learn. That's not a religious perspective but a spiritual/metaphysical perspective.

Expecting to get flamed now so will run away and hide suffice to say it works for me!

littleseahorse · 23/05/2014 19:44

I think as an earlier poster said, it is about the way we make sense of things, rather than a pre-ordained plan by a higher being. We don't see our lives as a series of unconnected events when we remember the past, nor do we see things as unconnected when we envisage the future. We create stories for ourselves. And even dreadful things, we try to make sense of and incorporate into our histories and the plans we make for the future.

snoofle · 23/05/2014 21:28

Absolutely casparthecat. We are partly here to learn to be more Godlike.

God is good, but if a christian we have to obey etc
Bit if not a christian, things are random.

Life isnt supposed to be a bed of roses, even for christians. In fact, sometimes I think, a few christians are suuposed to get it harder, the more christlike they are.

snoofle · 23/05/2014 21:32

Staywithme. Do you want to put anything about what is happening, on this thread, or elsewhere?

CraftyBuddhist · 24/05/2014 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Raskova · 24/05/2014 23:32

I 100 per cent believe this for standard things like jobs but as PPs have said, something's just don't have a good outcome and nothing is learned from them.

FamiliesShareGerms · 24/05/2014 23:32

I completely reject the idea of predetermination, as then we abdicate responsibility for our own behaviour, which ckeRly we should not.

But I have had a number of things happen which fall into the "one door closes, another one opens", or "it was obviously meant to be". I can't relay the clearest example of this as it would totally out me, but they include house gazuming, awful work experiences, and even stuff related to our DC. Definitely a sense that things happen for a reason.

I don't know how to reconcile those positions.

CraftyBuddhist · 24/05/2014 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ihavemyownname · 25/05/2014 00:26

I do I think some times it's clear and others it's not always clear at the time but shows it's hand at a later date.
Some times shitty things do happen but without that you wouldn't be the same person.
For every negative there is positive sometimes we just don't see it