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Original poster

trusting your instincts

33 replies

mouses · 30/03/2014 00:10

im pants at decision making which ends up as one big head ache! I sit and analyse for hrs/days an still don't come to a conclusion or whats for the best decision?

when people say trust your instincts or go with your gut feeling.... mine doesn't seem to be there. ever?

is there away of bettering this? I could really do with it right now

OP posts:

Original poster

mouses · 01/04/2014 16:14

sorry contemplate missed you, i will google for guidance in more confidence, more everything really. cup of coffee and some google time later once the kids are asleep.

OP posts:

126sticks · 01/04/2014 17:19

Moving is a big deal for anyone. Not silly to be thinking carefully about it at all.
Is it a matter of renting or buying? Dont put details if you dont want to.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 01/04/2014 17:23

OP I do sympathise- I am about to move too- it is an anxious time.

Contemplates · 01/04/2014 19:36

OP - it sounds as though you know what you would like to do (i.e. move to the new area), because you are drawn to the idea and say you have been trying to get out of your current area for years. I'd say there's no problem with your gut instinct there! It looks from what you've said as though your gut instinct is telling you that there are opportunities for you but that your (very understandable) fear of the unknown is making you doubt your ability to carry it out. It's times like this we'd all love to see into the future!

For what it's worth I think any move of 'areas' is extremely brave. And 126sticks is right, moving house is listed in the 'top 10' of life's stressors. I totally agree that what you're going through is entirely normal.

Having said that, I remember as a kid moving house was such a big adventure. It's not always as stressful to kids as it is for adults. Even a new school was a nice change. A new start like that is sometimes symbolic of healthy changes in life, so long as you're not running away from something or someone. Or yourself! Which you've given no indication that is the case, I just wanted to put the balanced picture in there.

Would there be any way you could move back if the worst came to the worst and you really found you or the kids couldn't settle? I wonder if, knowing that you can always change your mind, you might feel less worried about the whole enormity of your plans.

Original poster

mouses · 01/04/2014 20:28

when i think about it, part of me says i cant want to move that bad if im doubting it, then the other thought is - if i was happy here the thought of moving wouldn't of come into my head?

ive lived in the area 14yrs, the kids don't have a problem here, the garden is communal so they have little people all around - its ME that cant handle it due to too many people out there, too many confrontations, too many nosy people, everyone knows your business! its a selfish reason to want to move so that's why my thought of staying to keep kids happy is my 1st option.
i know you get these neighbours anywhere you live.

no, theres no way i could undo a move. im a housing tenant and looking to exchange from maisonette to house. even if i let this one go i think any further opportunity will bring up the same worry?

also im not drawn to no area (i think?) even the one on offer, all i felt was i wanted to get away from here. my home is perfect, i love it, just doesnt have a private garden which i feel i need but kids like communal!! my gut says ''GO.... NO, STAY!!!!''

sorry this has gone off the thread topic. i was looking to get better gut instincts but it looks like i got to get better at much much more.

OP posts:

atthestrokeoftwelve · 01/04/2014 20:44

mouses I think there are always conflicting reasons for moving/not wanting to move. I love the place we stay and DD will break her heart to leave, we have had a very happy family life here since the kids were babies.
But- it's our house is too small, kids are older teenagers and will soon be starting college /university, we currently live in an isolated village where public transport stops at 6pm, then it's a 6 mile walk or lifts everywhere.
We need to move somewhere bigger and nearer to transport links so kids still have an option of staying at home while at college.
We are also having my Mum move in with us, she is elderly and frail, currently lives alone so is looking forward to moving into a warm loving family home with us. we need a 4/5 beroom house, as I also want to consider fostering in the next few years.

I still find the whole thought very stressful and feel a huge burden of responsibility for everyone. I am taking one step at a time. I know it's for the best for all of us, but it's still hard.

Original poster

mouses · 01/04/2014 22:02

wow, that makes my reason to move/not move seem pathetic!

i wish you all the best with your move, it is very hard. you are doing whats best for your dc, mum and the future dc's in need for a loving foster home.

i move out of the family home at 18 and had my 1st ds at 19 and lived here (area not home) since so although its kind of a comfort blanket it doesn't make me happy for some reason?

OP posts:

atthestrokeoftwelve · 01/04/2014 22:13

Not pathetic at all. I left home at 19, and this will be my 8th move, athough we have stayed here for 13 years. I love putting down roots, but we are so cramped living here that it is becoming stressful. I also want to contunue to provide my kids with a home even as they get older, although they will not always want it, but I still want to provide them with the security of a place to fall back uopn.

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