I cannot cope with my Mothers faith anymore, am i not respecting it enough?

[fairyfly]

I think she has become obsessive and using it as escapism but worry that maybe i just don't understand the beauty of blind faith.

I'm finding it more and more draining everytime i see her and the intensity in which she believes. Without fail every conversation will lead to Gods love.

If anyone in her life has a practical problem the solution is always to pray to Our Lady as she will make everything alright. It seems she cannot handle dealing with real life issues so in my opinion uses it as an easy way out. My siblings have needed her help lately and her conclusion is that she will do nothing but ask the lord to take care of it.

For every moment of her waking day she has the God channel on tv, this fills her time in between going to church or sitting in the prayer room she has made.

I catch her crying and when i ask her what is wrong she says she just wants to go back to her maker and can't wait to die. Life seems to pass her by while she fantasises about meeting the love of her life.

Without fail she will constantly judge others and presume they don't have any morals because we are all in awe of the Devil in this day and age.

Daily i will be reminded that i am worshiping the devil as i have sex before marriage and i have to wait for whats coming to me.

She reads books about purgatory and explains how i have to be so careful as does everyone else because God is coming and he will punish.

Fear seems to drive a lot of her thought process and she excels at trying to put the fear into others. I have been told on numerous occasions the end of the world is coming and the signs will be in the sky. Any natural disaster is down to the fact people like me have sex and God is weeping.

I understand that everyone is entititled to their beliefs but am sick to death of her intensity. You cant make a cup of tea without being reminded that our lord was nailed to the cross. It depresses me.
When she meets people i know she will mention God. For instance she told my boyfriend how disgusting it was he didn't pray. For all she knows he could.

My children after being in her company have been filled with prayers and hymns, they are her new little project as everyone else is tired of it.

I just dont want to be in her company anymore, if i sit with her and i say do we have to watch the God chanel she will repkly we could watch St. Theresa or a St. Francis of Assissi film, If i say no i will yet again get another lecture about me really having to start embracing my faith.

I think she is loosing her mind but then i feel bad as perhaps she has just been given a gift of a very strong faith.

( a racist homophobic faith)

I just needed to offload all that as i have just left her house and been told yet again the devil is taking over me as i asked her not to let my son wee in a jug he could use the toilet.

But there's nothing you can do. Her illness is making her like this.

The trouble is that while you know all this intellectually it is very difficult to actually accept it emotionally. Our parents have a very strong pull on us, and our desire to gain their approval is innate, it defies all logic.

Fairyfly, your Mum sounds exactly like mine was about 15 years ago. I don't want to shock you, but after similar behaviour, my mum was sectioned and spent nearly a year in a psychiatric hospital. I think your first port of call should be the priest to see if he knows the extent of the situation, closely followed by a home visit from her GP. I know your situation is different, and that my Mums' case will have been a priority because she was supposed to be looking after her children instead of praying, but It sounds like she needs help, I hope you get it xx

Missycocker, did your mum recover from her illness?

Gradually, yes, it took about 5 years. She is still on a fairly high dose of A/Ds, and is prone to bouts of depression and mild panic attacks, but has remarried and is generally relatively normal, she is still religious, but in a more normal and far less obsessive way. Our Mother / daaughter relationship however is irrecoverable

I agree with MissyCocker. I know very evangelical people with very strong beliefs, but nothing like this.

Hey FF. My sister in law suffers from BiPolar disorder and this sounds alot like how she was. We are pentecostal Christians so do have a strong faith, but when she had her last low she saw the devil in everything. She threw out everything red and black!! If you think she might be a danger to herself at some point, you can actually phone the police, if she wont go to a GP ,and explain that she may be suicidal they will take it from there, and by the sounds of it, she could be sectioned. My SIL was in the hospital for 10months, this was a year ago and she had pretty much got her life back on track now!

Dear fairyfly, this must be awful for you - trying to do your best and broach this but just being pushed further away. It does sound like very obsessive, controlling behaviour. I agree with the idea of talking to the priest - perhaps ask him if another priest could visit her - but also, I would talk to her GP, or write to them. You could include what you put in your original post here, it's very clear and descriptive. Good luck and I hope you find other babysitters.

Fairyfly - from what you've written I'd think it would be unlikely that your mum would be sectioned as the services ave to believe that she could be a risk to herself or others. Although she said she can't wait to die and meet her maker that might not necessarily be interpreted as 'suicidal' thoughts without extra cause for concern, for example if she's talked about actually doing it.

TBH as a christian I'm very concerned for your mum but your main priority is your kids, then yourself. The priest could take some of the burden from you IMO. It sounds like some of the stuff she's coming out with could be seriously damaging to them in the long run if this carries on. My 2 cousins were brought up by their over-zealous father to think their mother was 'evil' because she lived with another woman (he neglected to tell them he'd abused her for years before she'd left him, taking them with her). Now in their late teens they're starting to see that she's a wonderful person really. But really my point is that overly strong religious views can seriously impact on childrens relationships with other people as they get older and affect the paths they choose for themselves.

PS - their dad was bi-polar too.

I don't think she is a danger to others or suicidal. Suicide would be something she would believe would send you straight to hell.

My mother is a very fun person to the outside world, she makes people laugh and shows off a lot. They would have no idea how she was behind closed doors.

Her behaviour has been unbalanced for may years, it affects all of us greatly as you have to monitor her moods and change to fit. The other day she shouted so much i started to shake as she had been singing and dancing a minute before.

Her religion did effect the way i grew up, iwas made to feel like i was different from everyone else as i was going to be a nun. It was very strict and i got overly punished for minor incidents.

She once read my diary and it said i had kissed a boy. My school was rang and she insisted i was to spend the next two months in the chapel on my lunch hour or she would take me out of the school.

She sees things differently to anyone else i have known, she is incredibly negative and likes to predict the worst and then cry over it. Even though nothing has happened.

Everyone in our family must be a victim, she seems to thrive off sadness. If something wonderful happens it will be twisted until it is wrong.

Definitly her life goes from an absolute high, to crying, to anger, to locking her bedroom door and not coming out, to then asking why nobody loves her, to then ringing us all up like nothing has happened. Without contacting her once in the week she can ring me up and call me an angel and then the next time ring me up and call me a bitch.

I just presumed thats what mothers were like.

I've just read all about BiPOlar Disorder and it describes her to a t. I think we all wait until she gets on a high as then she seems quite happy and we have fun.

No way though would she admit she had a problem, i would love to help as it is making my father miserable too. But what on earth can you do if that person can't recognise it.If i mentioned it i could trigger off herr paranioa that nobody loves her again and i really dont want to do that.

I have two friends who had miserable childhoods through living with a parent with bipolar disorder. It has really affected their relationship with the parent in question. They both dealt with it by moving abroad after Uni. They both live closer to home now but try to keep the parent at a distance. It is treatable but in one case the parent won't keep taking the medication...

It would be nice to hope that that is NOT what is wrong with your mother but it would go some way to explaining her behaviour.

Do you know what age they were when it was diagnosed. All of her children left home as soon as possible and moved away. I moved back, sometimes i regret it as i feel she is my resonsibility now.

my dh has bipolar disorder (very atypical, not a secure diagnosis) and it was diagnosed in his early 20s which is pretty normal I think. his sister has schizophrenia. Both take medication and lead really pretty normal lives, although normal doesn't always mean easy...

I would bet my bottom dollar she is hearing voices, she seems desperate to control her life and I understand it's pretty common to use TV and radio to shut out or deal with voices. Was she brought up by very religious or punitive parents?

My view is, if she has a partner, a priest etc and has also told you not to contact her - don't - it sounds agonising. Maybe write an occasional journal describing your children's development, with photos, so if she ever gets better she can see it and know you were thinking of her?

Writing to her GP would be a very good thing to do but I don't think there'll be much they can/should do if she is basically functioning.

The only other thing I can think of is to send her something like some water from Lourdes or something that says 'I am thinking of you' without having to talk to her.

Thankyou Acnebride. Funnily enough she is going to Lourdes next week. I'm hoping it will ground her a bit. I love it there.

It has never crossed my mind she hears voices but you could be right, who knows what goes on in someones head when they seem intent on covering it up and projecting it on others.

I think it is a mrvellous idea to keep in touch in a less invasive way and i'm going to send a postcard from my kids when we go away. I don't want her sinking into a depression where she believes we all hate her and don't care.

I feel guilty discussing her in this way, i have always been taught to keep it private. I think this is something she uses to protect herself as she doesn't want the outsied world to know the extent of her intensity.

Thankyou x

Sorry, don't know when the parents were diagnosed. One is the mother of dh's best friend from school. Dh thought she was
eccentric but didn't know she was bipolar until recently - don't know if that was because she hadn't been diagnosed, or because they kept it quiet