question for Catholics - DH doesn't want DD baptised

[mollysmum82]

I have been doing the RCIA course to become a Catholic and I'm really enjoying it. Thank you to everyone here for your advice and inspiration to getting to this stage!

I have always believed in God but I wasn't brought up in a religious household (it was a very loving household, just not religious!) My Dad had a rough time at a Priest boarding school, far from his home when he was growing up and therefore rejected the church in later years. I always wanted to go to church but I didn't have the confidence to go on my own, plus I didn't know which church to go to and whether I'd be welcome.

It sounds really juvenile but my desire to go to church got stronger when I studied RS at school. The teachings of Jesus just all seemed to make sense to me and I started to pray regularly. I kept flitting with the idea of going to church throughout uni but still didn't have the confidence. After I graduated I started teaching in a CofE school and really loved going to services and singing and worshipping together. There still felt like there was something missing though.

When I got pregnant I'd had a lot of bleeding towards the end and almost lost my baby during the birth. But my beautiful little girl was fine and I really put this miracle down to God. Shortly afterwards my Gran passed away at the age of 98 and it was clear leading up to this how strong her Catholic faith was to her. She told me how much she would love me to find her faith so for all those reasons I was determined to start going to church.

I rang the Priest and he suggested I go to the RCIA course and start attending mass. I've been going to mass a few times a week and I just find it so humbling, fulfilling, inspiring...I can't really put it into words but I know its the right thing.

Anyway, since learning more and more about the Catholic faith it is becoming more important to me to have my 18 month old baptised. Its hard to explain why, its almost like I'm being called to do it. I also really want her to have the opportunity to grow with the faith I was never really exposed to, in the lovely Catholic community of the church and attend our local Catholic School. My husband is really uncomfortable with the idea of her being baptised though. He is a lovely, moral person but has no belief whatsoever. He thinks that by baptising DD we are pushing her into a faith and not letting her make her own choices. Do you think he is right? He says that the only reason he would have her baptised is to get her into the excellent school, but he doesn't feel right doing this (which I can understand). I've tried to explain that's its much more than this to me but he struggles see my point of view. I do think I could persuade him but I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable during the ceremony or for him to be worried if I take DD to mass.

What do you think I should do? Any advice would be so appreciated, thank you.

there is a great positive to this decision as well though, mollysmum82
your dd can choose herself to be baptised when she is older
I love going to adult or teenage baptisms - it's such a strong affirmation of faith.

That's a lovely point, thank you mercibuket x

i know this sounds glib but why don't you talk to your priest about this. he'll be VERY used to couples where one is catholic and one is not, there must be some kind of protocol for this. most couples where one is catholic and one not go through this in pre-marriage talks with their priest, but obviously you weren't a practising catholic then so it didn't come up. i'm sure your situation is not unique though and if you've got a nice welcoming priest then he'll know most about it.

[p.s. i am an atheist who was brought up catholic (school, mass, family incl. extended family on both sides) and had only positive experiences of the catholic community despite realising i have no belief in god]

As you mentioned schools, do bear in mind that there are so many "catholics of convenience" now that a lot of schools ask for evidence of baptism before the age of 1 as an admissions criterion or very good reasons why this didn;t happen.

I think this would surely count as good reason. If a Catholic school refused to accept an older child or teenager who freely chose baptism for themselves, then I'd be asking the diocese to send a hit squad. and I would rather my child went to a secular school than one only pretending to be Catholic.

I suppose it depends which side is pretending to be Catholic............!

Hmm, not an issue for me but if it were I would be like your DH and would point blank refuse to let my DCs be baptised. For me it's not 'just a splash of water and a white dress', it's indoctrination.
TBH you do sound a little obsessed/like someone who has fallen 'in love' with religion and so can't see objectively.

I'm not trying to rile you (or anyone else) BTW, I'm just trying to present the opposing view (similar to your husband's I think, although I wouldn't allow them to be baptised to get into a school/go to Catholic school full stop).

Seeker, I agree that education related baptisms are a problem, it's just that I think discriminating against 'New' Catholics isn't an acceptable solution. (I say this as a cradle Catholic, with dc baptised before my stitches healed).

I was in a similar situation to you - brought up by an atheist Dad, my mum who died young was a lapsed Catholic, but her sister (my aunt) to whom I was very close was very active in her church. I had always been interested in the church and then when I met DH (cradle Catholic) and we decided we were going to get married, that was the factor that really made me investigate further and more actively. So I was very lucky in that I had three sacraments in one day - baptism, first communion, confirmation. It was an amazing privilege to be able to make that decision for myself and have all those wonderful gifts at the same time.

It depends on if you want your DD to be able to have that degree of choice, or if you feel that receiving the sacraments at the 'right' time is more important. Having her baptised just to get into the school could lead to all sorts of moral conflicts later for your DH, given the nature of a catholic school education - would you feel uncomfortable if he didn't want your DD to take first communion, for example?