If you are not a beleiver how do you cope with the simple cruel reality of time passing and the loss of what is precious to you?

[GoreRenewed]

I am feeling very very overwrought tonight. I have a bad cold as my excuse but there are so many things that have happened recently that have made me think.

I'm menopausal. No more babies even if I don't want any more.
My parents are very elderly and I nearly lost my dad last year (and he's till very frail).
My DD has started at secondary school and is changing all the time.
Dad gave me a diary that my granny kept when she was about 10yrs old - 100 yrs ago. And it's so familiar and so very different.
My DB was 50 last year.

I am so aware of the brevity of life and how fragile individual human beings are. Time is a shit really.

How do you deal with this? If you don't beleive that is an overarching plan and a loving God to make it all OK?

Asking again, what is all this "rewarding" feeling, or "happy memories" or "shame" if all we are is atoms? No such thing - just your brain fooling yourself into what it pretends is "emotion" but is utilitarian self-interest. So don't think that your love for your children actually means anything - it's just a blunt survival technique.

Even rationality is a delusion, if you believe we are just a sum of our genes telling us to procreate and survive.

Of course, I don't personally believe the above. I think there is meaning in the universe. I don't think humankind or creation is just atoms.

Christians don't try to live better lives because of the threat of hell, no. It is not a carrot for better behaviour. And the majority don't believe in "eternal suffering". What Jesus meant by "damnation" or anything else, could be debated long into the night.

I behave well because it is the right thing to do. And generally that is why most people behave well too. And yes, smiling and holding a door open for someone makes you feel good, but the main motivation for doing so is because that is what you should do and what you hope others will do for you.

And whilst I accept that I will dissolve into uncounted and unacknowledged atoms at my death, that doesn't alter the fact that while my atoms are all in one place and acting as one entity, and have consciousness they will continue to do the right thing simply because I beleive that is how a community hangs together.

I was brought up as a Christian. Maybe that influenced my attitude. I don't think so though.

Yes, justice, love, and altruism are happy fictions that make my life more pleasant. Just like religion.

DandyDan: But it works. We percieve our atoms experiencing good feelings. That'll do just fine. I don't understand why people need to bring imaginary friends into the equation.

Dandy, at least atoms are real, unlike, ahem, gods.

Gore, I feel like this a lot too and I am glad you started this thread (I hope it doesn't descend into an argument over "why bother if there's no God" ). I still have teenage-style weeps about it now and again.

And I totally recognize what you are saying about the memories and stories; I feel the same about my late Nana's stories, which she told so well. I wish I had, I don't know, filmed her or something. I would give a lot to be able to let my dc see and hear her.

A practical suggestion: my mum told me recently that she had read somewhere about this and was finding it useful. You know how as we grow older, we often feel that time is flying past and the years are going by more quickly? Apparently, a good way to counteract this impression in your mind is to just make sure you don't live too much to a routine. Do things slightly differently as much as possible, even if it is just going to a different coffee shop, park or whatever -- and of course bigger things as well, if possible. Sciencey people have established that this does help with the perception of time passing too fast.

If your DD is changing all the time, hopefully there are lots of new and different things you can do together to create lots of good memories, even if they are mundane everyday things. Just vary them and it will help put the brakes on the sensation of days slipping away between your fingers.

I try and do it now, as much as I can manage to with the routine of tiny dc and no car. Yesterday I took them to the park but left the usual ball behind and took bubbles instead. It was lovely, and lots of other little dc came over to pop the bubbles in the sunshine. Totally different to our usual park visit and memorable because of it.

What a lovely experience martini

Days like that are like beautiful beads on a necklace.

it would be lovely to think there was a god. when my dad died, he was the closest person to me, i thought i'd see a sign if it was all true. but there was no sign.

i decided at that point to completely give religion up. and funnily enough i find life easier to deal with now. no questions about why god would put me through these ordeals. i don't have to appease a higher being.

i'm sad i won't see everyone after i die, but i won't know about it either!

now everything is my responsibility and i feel empowered. i can change my life by changing my attitude. i can make things happen instead of praying that someone else will make it happen for me.

wonderful feeling.

dirtymartini - that is a fabulous idea! must take it on board. must try not to forget!

I hope no-one minds me bumping this thread (should i start a new one??)

Anyway - the title of it describes exactly how I am feeling at the moment. I have written a little bit about it elsewhere on MM but stupidly didnt think of looking here. I had PND 10 years ago (after no history of anxiety/depression) and some more recent recurrences. But this doesnt feel part of that. It just feels like me having to come to terms with the fact that actually people you love get old and die ... and so brings up all the questions of the 'meaning of life'.

To be honest I do wonder if I just think too much . Im sure lots of other people just brush such thoughts & questions to one side And maybe that what I should do.

This is what i said at the start of a thread in Chat a couple of days ago...would be really interested in any thoughts.

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*Ive been indulging in a bit of amateur psychology - (yes I am 40, yes probably is part of a mid life crisis )

Anyway other than sticking with 'Love and Lovely Things' I found this ... Does this just about sum it up for you - or any other alternatives?*

^To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
Ralph Waldo Emerson^

slight difference to the title of thread - think i do have a 'belief' but not really a proactive church goer or christian if that makes any sense

OP I'm an atheist. I don't believe in God. That doesn't mean I believe it all ends when we die. Just because someone doesn't believe in God, doesn't mean they don't believe 'life' doesn't go on.