Hi,
I started going to church again recently. I was brought up very regular church-going Episcopal in Scotland, was in the choir, the drama group, the summer retreat etc. I believe in God, appreciate the Gospels and the acts throughout the NT show a model to live by, conscious you've got to look at it through the lens of history and cultural norms of 1st c AD Judaea... not sure about heaven... all very standard CofE. I like hymns, and I love anthems like Gibbons, Parry and all that - used to sing in that sort of choir.
Local church is a modern building, modern rules. Has about 5/6 songs per service. Sermon (only been twice) doesn't have much depth. Nice people, and I feel it's important to belong to your parish. I don't like the music. I really get quite irritated at all the 'My Lord, My King' type of stuff. It's not how I see Jesus/God at all, precisely the opposite. It's so trite and (to me) meaningless. I quite liked the Mission Praise stuff that came in in the 80s - Make Me a Channel of Your Peace, for example - that has a concept to it, it's figurative, doesn't have you singing assertions you don't necessarily mean.
Anyway, what's my point. My point is that even though I really don't like this music, I can't get two lines into anything without welling up. I seem have a deep emotional response to the group speaking bits (Creed for example) and singing in church and it's getting embarrassing. I certainly couldn't do the thing at the end of the service where they dance a circuit around the church with percussion instruments to some jolly tune with about three lines repeated ad nauseam, I'd be in tears.
Is this weird? I sometimes think it's not a spiritual reaction at all, that maybe it's something medical to do with breathing control.
I'm not expecting a response to this really, I'm off to bed. It's quite nice to write down my thoughts though, and put them 'out there'.