Salaam Muslim ladies (and anyone else)who can give me hijaab advice

[unsuremuslimah]

Assalaamu alaikum,

Sorry about the name change but I don't want to risk being outed until I have made up my mind.

I've been a muslim for 8 years, hijaabi for 7+, married for 6 and a mum for nearly 3. My husband is my absolute soul mate and while we have taled about this he feels that it (rightly) needs to be my decision.

I'm thinking about not wearing my scarf anymore and could do with some non judgemental advice.

I love my scarf, I love that it makes me feel closer to Allah and reminds me every day that I have to strive to be the best person I can be.

I love the surprise when I help people in the street, say hello, smile, ask about the england score! and the opportunity to show them true islam.

but...

My children are getting to an age where they understand the insults and the 'difference' and I'm worried about not only their safety but also how I can raise them with a love of Allah when they see me abused because of it.

I worry about them having friends over when they are older and their relationships with their cousins as I am the only hijaabi in the family so family gatherings are quite uncomfortable - especially in the summer and I can't bear the thought of staying with my brother in law and his family or they with us.

I get fed up of being a spokesman for Islam on a daily basis, constantly having to defend my choices and the religion everytime some other nutter does something stupid and calls himself a muslim.

I wonder if the hijab is doing its job - it doesn't make us 'recognised and not annoyed' it doesn't allow us to be seen and valued for ourselves as a person when peoples prejudices are so great. I'm fed up of being spoken to like an idiot because of a piece of material and a large dose of ignorance and racism.

I am a muslim through and through and I don't want to hide - but I want to be able to decide wh0 I tell - the resentment I am feeling for my scarf - or rather the effect my scarf has on the british public - is making me fear for my faith. It is part of a wider issue for me I guess.

I don't feel represented by the 'self styled leaders' and I find it hard to identify with the point of view of male scholars who do not live in my world. What happened to progressive islamic scholarship? where are the Alimah (female scholars)? What happened to the science of interpreting the Quran - did it just stop?

Any of us reading a text with interpret it differently (look at AIBU!) we cannot help but bring our own prejudices. I'm not saying reject the hadith, I'm not saying make the Quran fit modern times - but when did Islam stop moving forward instead of continuing to look at the interpretations as our knowledge increases and our prejudices change.

I've asked Imams - they say pray for an answer, what do I do when istikhara leaves me with a deep feeling of removing my scarf. I've posted similar questions to sunnipath, islamonline etc but my questions never get answered (if I ask easier questions I get an answer in a few weeks).

It feels good to get that out in the open! I'm not sure mumsnet is the best place to do it but all the islamic forums won't let you name change and require numerous posts from a new user to be allowed to start a topic - a sign of the times as they spammed with abuse otherwise

feeling very and and

Salaam o Alikum

I am a convert to Islam and a few years ago, I was wearing hejab outside of work.

I stopped after about a year though as felt hypocritical - I either do it 100% or not at all ...its very hard..while I love some aspects of the hejab, there are others that I struggle with and as my DH says to me, I need to really sort my praying out before I worry about hejab and he is right - I struggle to do the 5 prayers and sunnah prayers...may Allah give me strength and Iman

But...what I always think about, (and I fully realise that in my arrogance of this life and not thinking about the next life, I don't always act on what my conscience is telling me) is how I will feel on judgement day when Allah (SWT) asks me about my deeds... what I did, what I didnt do...

This is what you must think about...I know its very hard and I am a fine one to talk... I am online now, with a DVD playing in the background...am I reading Quran? Am I doing sunnah prayers - no...why?? What is happening with my Iman that I am like this?

I (and others) are mistakenly living for this life and the instant gratification and sweetness that comes with doing things that are pleasing and easy, although will not help me in the hereafter and what is worse, I am aware of it...

The path to Paradise is not an easy one my sister...the path of Shaitan is sweet with no obstacles but please...when you are in your moments of despair and wondering what to do with hejab, please remember the reward you have for this jihad of the nafs and that the path you are taking may not be easy or smooth, but you will be rewarded in other ways

I pray Allah will make it easy for you and other Muslims who are struggling with various aspects of our faith

i don't think you should give in to outside pressure(unless thats a dangerous situation),your children aswell have to learn to proud of who they are,what it teaches them if you give in to bullies?Allah is most merciful but tests his slaves as well,so you may find some hrdship from time to time.why not wait till you moved,you may find a better environment?as well is not like you have to be this perfect muslim to wear hijab,is like someone who sins(like drinking for example) and because of this stops praying...would it not be better keep praying andthat couls help him stopthe sinning?that's only my opinion,may Allah give you the ease that comes after hardship