Husband took his own life after gambling

[LukesLaw]

I tried posting this on a gambling thread but I cannot see the post and I have posted it on a bereavement thread. I just need everyone's help but I am sure you will undertand why when you read it. Sorry for the long post.
Gambling: My husband took his own life 3 months ago. We had an amazing life and we loved each other so much. We were always together unless we were at work and we have 2 lovely children together. We were childhood sweethearts and I honestly did not see this coming. I am devastated beyond words and feel completely lost without him. I love him so much.
After he had taken his life, the police gave me his phone back and when I went through it I discovered that he had been gambling (a lot) and had got loans to pay for his addiction. He had only been gambling a few months- since he was furloughed- but it got hold of him enough for him to completely lose control and unfortunately do what is the worst mistake he ever made. He didn't want to die, he was a proper grafter and a family man. He loved life. We could have sorted it together but he must have felt like it was his problem and he was taking it with him. Of course, this is not true.
After looking into his betting account, I found that he placed a free bet and then won some money, which he put back in and won some more. He then carried on but the losses soon outweighed the wins. When he lost and ran out of money on his account, another free bet dropped into his account and the cycle repeated. I am obviously angry as hell.
I have started a campaign to ban so called 'Free Bets' (THEY ARE NOT FREE, they are designed to keep you putting money back into the system) and I am hoping I can help prevent the same thing happening again to other men, women, young adults. If any of you can help me by signing,
I would really appreciate it. This is the one thing that is keeping me going at the minute because I don't know what else to do. If you google Luke's Law, my twitter and facebook stories come up as well as the petition.
I will post it here but I am not sure if its allowed so it may get deleted.
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/587806

Seriously, oblomov?!. Of course it makes a difference. Companies should be able to send temptation into someone’s inbox. The same as lots of other harmful advertising is banned.

@SwanShaped some people will never understand empathy. I dont know why they even bother adding a comment.

I saw you didn’t reply. So I replied for you. Bet you’ve had enough of people’s comments.

And also, even if you did think that, why on earth would you comment on a thread where someone has said that their husband has just died.

I’m hope you’ve got a few more signatures from this thread though.

I just find some negative comments completely unnecessary. I do think they like to get attention and must be bored because why would they bother reading something they disagree with that is such a sensitive subject and then say something horrible. I would never dare! 😔

Yes, I have but the signatures added from the other thread were averaging 100 an hour and went up so much whereas this one, which is petition subsection, adds about 10! I dont understand why the thread wasnt allowed to stay where it was. 🥺

Bunp for a worthy cause

@PabloSlow

Bunp for a worthy cause

Thanks 💙😊

Signed.

@katsounds

Signed.

Thank you 💙

So, so sorry for your loss. Signed, and completely agree. I heard a programme on radio 4 about the efforts companies put in to hook in with 'free' bets, and then to keep their customers; it's almost like stalking. It's disgusting that it is legal and can be advertised on TV.

@Charley50 yes, it quite predatory and I was in shock at the lengths they would go to and what they are actually capable of. Thank you for signing 💙

The amount of effort it takes to disentangle yourself from these evil companies is incredible.

Even with self-exclusion and email filters these 'offers' will still occasionally get through, and they have an effect that people who don't have a problem cannot begin to imagine. Imagine the sinking feeling, the panic, the dread, the sickiness that you feel when you get a large bill and you're broke. It's much worse than that.

Also, the adverts on TV is the reason I don't watch it.

This is a great petition, and as gambler in recovery I can't thank you enough for raising it.

I'm don't understand why my comment has created such response.

Sorry if offensive.

Many other posters have said the same.

We are very very sorry for your loss op.

But I'm not sure this petition will make much difference. The gambling industry is indeed strong and that is a extremely complex issue. In fact many of the rules that we believed about Addiction are now recently being challenged. New views and ideas are emerging.

The whole thing of addiction and how the different parts of the brain respond is complex.

Plus our world now, with teens seeking validation from likes all the time, is sadly build around phones, and the addiction of these is huge. Becoming a bigger issue.

Our world is becoming more and more addictive and we need to try and help our children deal with that. This on itself is a very tricky, huge problem, that there are no easy answers for.

People love to gamble. It's been going on for decades. Why it excites one of our basic instincts is interesting. Even if you took the Internet away even if you took Vegas away even if you took all the advertising away, even if you took everything away people would still bey on the dog in the local street winning the race. They'd bet on anything. because people like to do this.

When it gets into addiction that's a totally different realm. Self control is hard when they entice you in with free bets. Their marketing is so sophisticated and they've been working on it for years.

But. So, no I actually don't have a problem with the free bets part. I'm sorry op.

But good luck to you for trying anything. We would all understand this, because of your huge loss.

@Oblomov21

I'm don't understand why my comment has created such response.

Sorry if offensive.

Many other posters have said the same.

We are very very sorry for your loss op.

But I'm not sure this petition will make much difference. The gambling industry is indeed strong and that is a extremely complex issue. In fact many of the rules that we believed about Addiction are now recently being challenged. New views and ideas are emerging.

The whole thing of addiction and how the different parts of the brain respond is complex.

Plus our world now, with teens seeking validation from likes all the time, is sadly build around phones, and the addiction of these is huge. Becoming a bigger issue.

Our world is becoming more and more addictive and we need to try and help our children deal with that. This on itself is a very tricky, huge problem, that there are no easy answers for.

People love to gamble. It's been going on for decades. Why it excites one of our basic instincts is interesting. Even if you took the Internet away even if you took Vegas away even if you took all the advertising away, even if you took everything away people would still bey on the dog in the local street winning the race. They'd bet on anything. because people like to do this.

When it gets into addiction that's a totally different realm. Self control is hard when they entice you in with free bets. Their marketing is so sophisticated and they've been working on it for years.

But. So, no I actually don't have a problem with the free bets part. I'm sorry op.

But good luck to you for trying anything. We would all understand this, because of your huge loss.

Lumping gambling in with "an increasingly addictive world" is ignorant. I really think you need to read up on gambling addiction before you go posting such nonsense. If you took away the internet, noone could gamble online. Fact. If you took away Vegas, noone could gamble there. Fact. And no, they wouldn't all go to the greyhounds.

The pokies are particularly insidious, designed by psychologists to trigger the addictive reaction. People don't use them to win money, the machine always wins. People use them as a means of escape, the link between trauma and addiction is well documented. It is also exploited very deeply and yes, that needs to be legislated against. It isn't about "self control", it's about cynical exploitation of the vulnerable.

@Oblomov21,

There were always gambling addicts. You would see them hanging around the betting shops. However, if they got banned or self-excluded, they would have to travel further and further to get their fix, giving them time to reassess. In addition, most gambling used to be cash, so when you ran out of what was in your pocket, you had to physically get more. Of course, some had ‘credit accounts’, but these were generally limited.

That is so different from actually being invited by a ‘friendly’ e mail or text to click on a few buttons and the money just being a number on a screen.

It would be like alcohol delivery ads continuously pinging up on an alcoholic’s phone.

The fact that a very addictive world is allowed to exist without safeguards and regulations (that are actually followed through) is shocking in its self! That fact that people are passive to this and unsupportive of change, to genuinely make things safer, is even more shocking and dangerous in my eyes.
The gambling industry has been allowed to flourish, rightly so if it is done safely, for many many years. The safety of its customers have been neglected unfortunately and COULD be a whole lot better. The deaths are avoidable and believe me my husband's was and should not have happened.
My petition is about prevention. I want the incentives to stop! Many people sign up to accounts just to get a free bet IT IS NOT FREE! The account is then open and the marketing starts to filter through. Gambling companies know a lot about their customers and spend £££ on making sure they do. However, that money would be better spent on safety.
If adverts and incentives are banned that will stop many people developing a gambling disorder.
I understand that you sorry for my loss but how many more will we be saying that to? I honestly do not know why I am having to do this to help others but I am because I care.

The hallmark of a civilized, humane society is one that protects and cares for its vulnerable members. Regardless of your status, solvability health or intelligence, there are no guarantees in life and each one of us could find ourselves vulnerable and weakened. For governments to legalize the exploitation of peoples’ weaknesses and misery for obscene profit is morally indefensible and I fail to see how anyone could think otherwise.

PP described it as stalking... it does seem very much like that. Abhorrent.
Another bump from me
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/587806

BUMP

Bump!

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/587806

Banning free bets wont necessarily stop an already addicted gambler but it may well stop a potential addicted gambler.

I would like to see stronger controls, a ban on free bets, a ban on advertising, a cooling off period so that a person has to wait 48 hours after opening an account before their first bet can be placed.

Anything which slows down the connection between a desire to bet and the ability to bet.

It's the first cigarette for a potential nicotine addict. A first drink for an alcoholic. And then, if they perceive a problem and try to quit, someone coming along with 'go on, one won't hurt'.
I'm curious to know if these 'free bets' are designed to have an unrealistically high chance of wining.

Thank you everyone, you are all amazing! Do any of you know where else i could post it? Any help would be greatly appreciated 🙏

so sad to read of your loss OP. I remember seeing the publicity around this report but I suppose the pandemic has slowed reaction committees.parliament.uk/committee/406/gambling-industry-committee/news/115443/time-to-act-to-reduce-gamblingrelated-harm-says-lords-report/

and I saw this not so long ago www.channel4.com/programmes/footballs-gambling-addiction

You are not alone.