What to say instead of I'm proud of you

[Doginthehand]

I always thought saying you're proud of someone implied you've played a positive role in their achievement.

Can you only be proud of yourself?

I tend to go with - you should be so proud of yourself, or I'm so thrilled for you, or something similar.

Am I being a pendant? Or just plain wrong?

No, I agree. I wouldn’t ever say I was proud of someone else, except when DS specifically asks whether I’m proud of him. It’s not something I’d say to an adult unless I had a hand in the achievement (eg, if it was a team situation, and I was another team member). I would probably press my own pleasure in what the person has done.

You're not being a pendant, no 🤣

I agree, you should have played a role if you are proud of someone else's achievement though it isn't always used that way any more. Except for parental pride in their children's wins - their role is that they gave them life!

Your alternate words are perfect, I am chuffed for you, you should be proud of yourself etc. is actually more appropriate language.

No you're not a pendant😂

Pendant! Proud of myself there

Are you always this pendantic?

I've told many people that I'm proud of them. I at no point thought I was in anyway responsible for their achievement.

Good grief, finally someone agrees with me! I am so uncomfortable saying I am proud of someone. I honestly thought I just didn't understand the concept. This is so liberating!😅(excuse the emoji, I am writing an essay and words are difficult now).

Could try specific praise about why you like or admire what they did, eg. ‘I admire that you applied yourself so diligently, I respect the way you were so considerate in that way..’

I tend to say, you should be very proud, or what a proud moment for you etc.

I can’t think of many situations where I would be proud of another adult unless it’s something I’ve specifically helped them through or I taught them a skill. Although I did feel proud/chuffed when my brother got a degree.

I’d say ‘I am thrilled for you’ or ‘what a big moment for you’

Yeah like a lot of people I expect. Glad others on the thread agree with me that it's the wrong thing to say.

l’m very proud of my ds for various reasons, mainly when he has done his best with some very difficult circumstances. I shall continue to tell him.
Being proud of someone because of something I’ve done is ridiculous.

I don't agree that it's the wrong thing to say. 6 people agreed with you. That's not a landslide of agreement. We hold differing opinions, you'll find that many people will as you navigate life

It's not about opinion. It's about the definition of the word 'proud' or pride.

I read in a few books on raising children that saying 'I'm proud of you' is not a compliment because children may feel you are only ever proud of them when they achieve or that your love is in some way conditional on achievement.

I stopped saying it as often, although I do say it sometimes. It seems pointless to pretend you don't feel pride in some of their achievements. But most of the time I say I am delighted for them and that they must be so happy and proud of themselves.

If you look at any dictionary, you'll find that to be proud can be used in two ways. 1. Proud or pleased about something you've done 2. Proud or pleased about something a person close to you has done.

It's not about the definition of the word proud, it's about when to apply it.

it’s not right to say this unless you are very close to someone and it reflects on you; ie a son or daughter etc. Usually I go with well done, you must be proud of yourself of some such phrase!

If you are a pendant, I think you should just hang in there!