Constant incorrect use of the progressive tense for "to sit" and "to stand" is turning me into a monster

[applesauce1]

My professional background includes copy writing and teaching, although these issues can be traced back to childhood when I had form for occasionally (and very rudely) correcting the grammar of my friends' parents. I don't know what is wrong with me and I want to change.

I can't stop noticing the frequency with which people use the incorrect progressive form for "to sit" and "to stand". When I hear friends and colleagues say, "I was sat there" or, "He was stood at the bar", it completely distracts me from their anecdote. I start mentally musing that by using the passive form, it changes the meaning of the sentence. What a horrible dick I am.

I know that I need I let it go. I need to stop noticing. There was a recent thread about aeroplane seating that I struggled to read due to the constant mentions of, "I was sat".

I don't want to be this way. I'm not a teacher anymore. Of course, I would never bring this up with anyone, but I want to stop noticing altogether. I don't want to be this horrible person.

This isn't the only common mistake that irks me, but it has the greatest effect.

Please help me.

Sat - sitting irritates me ... stood - standing doesn't for some reason.

My pet hate is myself and yourself when it should be me and you but I know this is because a colleague who just irritated me in general, way back in the early 1990s used to say
"Well if yourself can send it back to myself, myself will reorder it and send it to yourself." and it drove me fucking nuts. That's no exaggeration, she occasionally managed to say it even more in one conversation.

I'm with you OP. "I was sat there..." absolutely drives me crazy. Mostly from my DH

I’m struggling to believe that a teacher can’t concentrate on a conversation due to hearing (what they perceive to be) poor grammar. How did you get through the school day? Kids with SEN must have been at such a disadvantage in your classroom.

As for the haitch comment - it’s the Irish pronunciation. It’s not incorrect.

You are right to be annoyed, OP. I silently judge people who was stood or sat anywhere. It may be dialect but it sounds —uneducated— wrong. Weird singular forms are annoying too; ‘a trouser’. WTF? If I ever hear someone say ‘it’s addicting’ I don’t think I’ll be able to remain silent.

You are right to be annoyed, OP. I silently judge people who was stood or sat anywhere. It may be dialect but it sounds —uneducated— wrong

Couldn’t agree more. The one I’m seeing a lot lately is them instead of those. Reading that guarantees I won’t bother to read the rest of the post. Sorry.

Well - I’m a massive pedant but I think there’s a difference between cringing at crass written errors (my son’s college sent him “you’re exam results” recently (!)) and understanding speech or email/social media posts.

If someone talks a load of unintelligible nonsense - usually too many theys and theirs - it’s quite ok in my view to ask who it was who said what to whom. But pretending that one doesn’t know what is meant by brought instead of bought or the inexecrable sat instead of was sitting is, I don’t know, a bit show offy?

@Falleninwiththewrongcrowd, yes, that's what I am saying. The use of pseudo-passives is extremely widespread. There is a paper published by Cambridge for the BNC if you're interested in reading more about intra-dialect usage and descriptivism in language. It also includes need + past participle as another regional variant.

Please may I join your support group. I too need a safe space to scream in when I hear or read “I was stood there”. I know I am a snob and need help.

The OP hates their own pedantry and wants to stop being distracted by grammar so that they can focus on content. Unsurprisingly, in "Pedants' Corner", many posters may disagree that being pedantic makes one a monster or a horrible dick. Perhaps OP can find pedantic friends who'll value their pedantry. Possibly, having an outlet for the urge to discuss the finer points of grammar and English usage might help suppress such urges at moments when they are less likely to be welcomed.

Me too, OP. I can't bear it. Your and you're confusion sees me hyperventilating too.

I am a massive Derren Brown fan but am disappointed to report he does this all the way through his books. I just don't understand why it wasn't picked up and eliminated by the editor. Surely it is just wrong?

Oooh can I join too? Absolutely loathe it. Apologies in advance for reminding you of another annoyance, but what is going on with confusing then and than? "I like reading more then writing". WTF??They don't even sound the same!! I'm sure I see "then" used in place of "than" more than I see it the correct way round. Urgh. Think of the poor sods trying to learn English as a foreign language.

One that really grates on me is "recommend me a..." Instead of "Recommend a.... to me "

I used to live in York, where the use of "I aren't" is very common, it set my teeth on edge every single time I heard it, it was all I could do not to scream "I'm not!!!"

I'm fed up of seeing 'a women' as well. My autocorrect knows that's incorrect, so I'm not having that as an excuse!

I spent most of my childhood in Australia and was fascinated by some of the grammatical variations, especially the substitute for the verb borrow, which was not in kids' vocabulary. "Can I loan your red pencil? Mine's busted!" Or even "Can I have a loan of your red pencil?"

And the wonderful shift of but to the end of a sentence, conveying although. "I like her; she's a terrible skite, but." Or "You can loan my red pencil. You have to give it back when I need it, but."

I think the whole experience triggered my lifetime love of language and fascination with grammar.

"Can I have a loan of your red pencil?"

That one's grammatically correct though.

I've never seen the misuse of borrow/loan other than here on MN. I found it very confusing at first

OP, English is my second language and the first and only for my in-laws and partner. I have challenged them over the "he was sat" construction but have now given up. And "could of", gifting, why oh why. I'm glad I have found my tribe. I know language evolves and some are just dialectical but they still bug me

In my spoken regional dialect you would say ‘I was sat there’, but you wouldn’t write that (as you don’t write in dialect!) you would write ‘I was sitting there.’

Borrow to mean lend is the original meaning of borrow and that is why it is retained in some dialects. By the reasoning on this thread it's you lot saying it "wrong".

Borrow: Old English borgian "to lend, be surety for," from Proto-Germanic *burg- "pledge" (source also of Old English borg "pledge, security, bail, debt," Old Frisian borgia "borrow, take up money," Old Norse borga "to become bail for, guarantee," Middle Dutch borghen "to protect, guarantee," Old High German boragen "to beware of," German borgen "to borrow; to lend")...

@UncleMatthewsEntrenchingTool

In my spoken regional dialect you would say ‘I was sat there’, but you wouldn’t write that (as you don’t write in dialect!) you would write ‘I was sitting there.’

Exactly.

@jolokoy

Borrow to mean lend is the original meaning of borrow and that is why it is retained in some dialects. By the reasoning on this thread it's you lot saying it "wrong".

Borrow: Old English borgian "to lend, be surety for," from Proto-Germanic *burg- "pledge" (source also of Old English borg "pledge, security, bail, debt," Old Frisian borgia "borrow, take up money," Old Norse borga "to become bail for, guarantee," Middle Dutch borghen "to protect, guarantee," Old High German boragen "to beware of," German borgen "to borrow; to lend")...

Interesting. It's amazing how language evolves.

I'm Irish and we tend to use ye (or youse if you're from Dublin...) as the plural of you. However, I wouldn't use it when writing as it is no longer, as far as I'm aware, standard usage outside Ireland. I think the same should apply to other archaic dialect oddities. Given "to borrow" has evolved and no longer means "to lend" then I think it's fine to use it in casual speech or writing (e.g. text message, email to someone you know well) but the correct form should be used in more formal communication or casual communication with people you don't know.

If I said "I was sitting there, waiting for you", I'd be emphasising where I was sitting ("there"), but "I was sat there, waiting for you" has more of an "I'm pissed off with you" feel, or an unsaid "for a long time". Wouldn't use it in writing though.

@MyVisionsComeFromSoup

If I said "I was sitting there, waiting for you", I'd be emphasising where I was sitting ("there"), but "I was sat there, waiting for you" has more of an "I'm pissed off with you" feel, or an unsaid "for a long time". Wouldn't use it in writing though.

I'd get the annoyance over by verbal emphasis. So - I was sitting there, WAITING for you

That makes sense to me MyVision — you've been forced to sit there to wait for them, so it's passive rather than active.

I'm having a real issue with "used to be" recently. I keep hearing "it didn't use(d) to be like that" and I can't work out whether it's right or not! I say "it was never like that", neatly avoiding it.