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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Just held dd2's party and no-one turned up - I am seething & have 1 disappointed child.

76 replies

Radley · 29/03/2008 18:11

Just had dd2's party and out of the 6 that were invited, only 1 of the them turned up, I am so

The invites were given out in plenty of time and my address and telephone no were there for them to ring etc.

Hence, party bags sat on the side, loads of food going to waste, games ruined because not enough people to play and one very very disappointed 6 year old.

I am seething and should have calmed down before Monday, do you think I should say something on Monday as to how they spoiled things for her?

OP posts:

mysonsmummy · 29/03/2008 18:29

i must say when ds have his parties i always chase people up. if for no other eason than if they are not coming i can invite some more kids.

AbbeyA · 29/03/2008 18:33

I once found a party invitation in 5yr old DSs draw at school on a parent's evening, 2 weeks after the party had taken place-I had to phone and grovel-the Mum was very nice about it-I felt terrible.

pukka · 29/03/2008 23:34

shocked and sad for you dd.
however, when doingaparty, alwaYS, ALWAYSSSS CAalll people up, catch them n the playground, text them, etc etc to get them to either confirm, or make their xcuses.

LaComtesse · 29/03/2008 23:48

I've found that some parents don't take their children to parties which are held in houses but say it's in a hired venue and they trample each other to get there. For DD's 5th birthday, 2 children turned up (at the time I'd suspected she'd invited children whose parents didn't give two toots about her) but for her 6th and 7th which were held in halls, we had nearly 100% attendance. It makes you cynical. She's currently planning her 8th birthday party.

pinkbubble · 29/03/2008 23:56

Are you sure that the invitations were given out?

I work in a year 1 class and I know what DC are like, put things in their tray and they never re surface again! we always give invitations to DC as they go out the door to make sure that they actually go home. I would certainly be asking question thou, 1 maybe 2 not to turn up but 6, sounds a bit fishy to me!

Poor DD!

onebatmother · 30/03/2008 00:03

Oh, god, that is absolutely awful!
Regardless of how you approach it with the parents, could you try and do something else for DD and make sure everyone knows and comes? I know it's all horribly expensive but that is so painful for her. Maybe another scaled-down tea and watch a new-release DVD, after school, bully and guilt-trip the other parents into it?

I would definitely tell the other parents how hurt she was.

And tell her that it wasn't because her friends don't like her, it was the stupid fault of their stupid parents.

barnstaple · 30/03/2008 00:04

Happy birthday to your dd anyway! It's happened to mine, funnily enough on her 6th. She got over it very quickly and it did mean she didn't have to share much of the watermelon, which was a bonus for her!

I have found invites which are overdue or nearly overdue in her pockets/tray at school, though - even now when she's 8 and should be finding it easier to remember to bring these things home! At 6yo there is so much extra they're expected to do at school, it's hard for them to go through their trays and pick out what's important what isn't; they're just getting used to it. Collar the parents at the earliest opportunity - they'll probably be mortified.

pukka · 30/03/2008 10:10

i have been thinking about this all night. i know how awful dsis felt when this happeened to her.
you arranged this party for the benefit of your dd. threrefore you should have arranged the attendance of the children, in the sam eway that you arranged the food and the party bags. by chasing the parents. and if necessary, organising lifts and pickups.
you wouldnt just phone a caterer up, leave a message and expect the food to turn up for a dinner party you were planning? its the same with party invites. for young or older people.
you need to take a more pro active role in this i future

pukka · 30/03/2008 10:13

if a mom tried to guilt trupme because i had not recieved an invite and hadnt even recived a casula sentence or two at theschool gates from her, i would be offended at her. its not my responsibility to organise her daughters party.

nkf · 30/03/2008 10:18

It sounds awful. Poor you. If they didn't call to confirm that probably means they weren't coming. Either because the invites didn't make it home or because the parents were forgetful. I know it doesn't help now but for future reference.

nkf · 30/03/2008 10:22

I'm sure you'll find a way to cheer your child up. I don't think I'd try to make the parents feel guilty though.

Countingthegreyhairs · 30/03/2008 11:18

Pukka - sorry but I think that's the wrong way around. Surely, if someone is kind enough to send you an invitation then the onus is on the recipient to get in touch and accept or decline?

It's precisely because the host has had to arrange the catering, the presents, the games etc that the guests should be polite enough to sort themselves out. I don't think she should have to be more pro-active and chase people up. Just my opinion - probably old-fashioned and unrealistic - but it's one of my bugbears this .... grrrrrr

La Comtesse - just to clarify, are you saying that people accept invitations to hired venues because there's then less pressure to invite back to a home venue? Genuinely interested ('cos we tend to hold parties at home)?

Taweret · 30/03/2008 11:19

pukka, I think Radley has probably got the message about confirmation of attendance by now.

Which day is DD2s' actual birthday, Radley? Could you maybe go the cinema or something, to make up for her disappointment yesterday?

Countingthegreyhairs · 30/03/2008 11:19

Pukka, sorry, having read your next post properly (!) obviously, if the children haven't received invite for some reason, then situation totally different ....!!

motherhurdicure · 30/03/2008 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WallOfSilence · 30/03/2008 11:33

I find it hard to believe that any 6-year-old who got a party invite wouldn't want to go!

I have a 6-year-old & from she gets an invite until the day of the party, there is never any let up!

"Is Katie's party this Tuesday?, What will we get her? Do you think I could wear my red shoes".... etc

So maybe there was some sort of mix up & they didn't get the invites? Though one of them did come so that doesn't really fit in with the invites not received thing

I think I would want to know why no-one let me know... not so much as why they didn't come, as they will have their own reasons, but to not let you know is just plain rude.

WallOfSilence · 30/03/2008 11:34

Maybe your neighbours didn't get the invite though? And as they drove past they craned their necks wondering if you were having a party & they never got an invite??? [maybe?]

Peachy · 30/03/2008 11:38

Radley would your DD be any happier if some of us sent birthday cards to her perhaps? Am happy to pop one in post tomorrow

Poor lass

Fullmoonfiend · 30/03/2008 11:39

I find that roughly half of the people you invite do not bother to RSVP and it is a guessing game as to wether they turn up or not... And sometimes, it is hard to pin people down in the playground (if they work , or you work or whatever. And sometimes, I don't even know what the parents look like!)

One memorable year, I invited 15, working out that I could afford 10, and that probably we'd only actually get 8. Guess what - full house!!

It's very disappointing for your dd...

MiMao · 30/03/2008 11:46

Your poor dd!!!

She will remember that forever!!!

I would hold the party again soon and if poss make sure for def that the people will come and if possible invite different people.

That is so awful!

DumbledoresGirl · 30/03/2008 11:46

I would check first that the parents definitely received the invitations. I once found an invite hidden in dd's bag for an invitation to tea about 2 weeks previously. I was so embarrassed by that, especially as I did not know the child or parents - somehow they made it more embarrassing for me and I am afraid, being the chicken I am, I did not dare ring up and say what had happened Needlesstosay, we have never heard from that parent again

But my point is, just because you handed out invitations, does not mean the parents received them. I can't believe so many people would be so rude as to deliberately not reply. I think it is far more likely the invites didn't get to their destination.

So sorry for your dd though.

MiMao · 30/03/2008 11:48

tbh I alway call the mums and check to see if they got the invite or speak to them at the school.

with dd's last party, i only had to chase three people as they rest answered.

when giving out invites, i pass them to the teacher and she pops them in their bags.

CrushWithEyeliner · 30/03/2008 11:55

Oh Gosh I feel for you - if you do go chasing up make sure you don't go steaming it though - it may very well be a mix up, surely?
I really feel for your DD - how is she about it?

nappiesgalore · 30/03/2008 11:59

i would only assume attendance from people who rsvp'd and said theyd come.
poor dd.

Piffle · 30/03/2008 12:04

how desperately sad
i always go by rsvp though

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