8 year old wanting to be christened

[pancakes222]

Hello. My DH and I are not big believers and do not go to church but our daughter goes to a c of E school and she has asked us if she can be christened. We are completely for supporting whatever wishes she would like but not 100% sure what the usual format is for older children wanting to get christened. In my head I'm imagining it a bit like a birthday party? Would you invite her school friends to the church and then have like a birthday party games disco format for them at home or in a hall? If it was a baby I wouldn't hesitate with just a piece of cake after but as it's older children I don't know if I would need it to be a bit more 'fun' party like?

So true, never thought about it that way

Maybe start by going along to a Sunday service at the church. Then you might have a bit more of an idea about the church family she would be being welcomed in to. You'll be able to meet the vicar and then if you want to enquire a bit more about a baptism then you can. There will be no obligation to go ahead even if you arrange a separate chat with the vicar but you'd know a bit more about what it involves.

As an ex-Baptist, I'd say 8 is too young. I got baptized at about 14, which was the youngest they would do it and clearly it didn't take as I gave it up in my 20s.

Surely your first step is to speak to a vicar as in CofE believers would have their kids christened as babies, and then confirmed when they were old enough to understand and commit themselves.

As you aren't believers or church goers, how is your DD going to live out her Christian life when she is christened? Does she understand that regular church going is kind of the point?

A vicar would be the expert in what to do, but it doesn't sound like it works currently for your family set up.

Well my first son made his communion and had a family party, bouncy castle etc afterwards. My second admitted he just wanted the party so we didn’t do it at all.

it’s really not about the party.

I think if she actually wants to be baptised then go for it, I don’t think 8 is too young. My second son was a confirmed atheist by then

Yes definitely seems like it may need more thought. I suppose I was viewing it as her own personal acceptance into the faith so that when she was praying herself she felt like she was part of that community and religion rather than weekly/lifelong commitments into going to church etc. Almost like if a ceremony is what she would like to make her feel content and accepted and close to god and happy then thats as simple as that and then she can be left to her own views and beliefs and thoughts... but it seems a bit more complicated than that!

DD went to a Church of Wales school , in year 6 a group of the children were baptised ( including her )
The school organised it , they were talking about it in lessons and prepared for it

They wore their favourite / best clothes .
She wore a dress ( from Ladybird at Woolworths , shows how long ago ! ) One of the boys wore a football kit
Afterwards , we just had a little tea at home for the godparents , their children , and our parents

She had a christening candle from the church , and as there was some issue with the vicar , The bishop took the service and we have a lovely photo of her and the Bishop in all his fab robes

I think the water was just dabbed onto her forehead , they certainly weren’t wet

It isn't more complex than that. Regularly going to church is not a necessity, CofE is a very relaxed religion No one has any expectation on you or your daughter, if your daughter is attending a CofE school she is likely to be saying prayers.

Neither ‘dress’ nor ‘party’ are requisite parts of a christening!

I see no harm in her being christened just because she’s asked for it to happen. There are no tangible ‘consequences’. Most people who were christened as babies or young children probably don’t go on to be practising Christians. And it has no effect on their lives. Fortunate people might have one godparent out of three or four who really makes an effort and has an ongoing positive effect as the child matures into a young adult. Things like cinema trips, driving lessons, academic or professional insights, holidays, etc.

If she’s being influenced by school and friends that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. She’s not being signed up to an inescapable cult! And in the future she might be very gratified that you took her request seriously.

It’s not a party OP

Why on earth is anyone saying ‘regular churchgoing’ is the point?

Absolutely not. No particular behaviour or habits are required after being christened. As I’ve said above, there is a traditional, cultural anticipation that godparents will support the child morally and spiritually. Most of them forget by the end of the week. A few live up to the hope parents invest in them.

Nothing is expected of the child.

Mine were christened at a similar age and it was a really nice, meaningful day. Family & Godparents rather than friends, home afterwards for a light buffet and cake. Smarter clothes.

Why on earth is anyone saying ‘regular churchgoing’ is the point?

I think it’s because the child has requested it. Whilst an 8 year old is unlikely to fully know if they actually want to be a Christian, or even what that means, it’s not the same as Christening a baby.

If a child requests to explore faith and a parent wishes to support that, I’d say the first step would be to enable the child to attend church and understand what they’re asking for.

Faith is not at all complicated. But it’s a process coming to that realisation. I know that faith is viewed with much suspicion, understandably, but I truly believe that God is within us and you are the temple that holds His vision of love (which is your vision of love). The church can provide a happy start to that journey. If you have a good vicar and a loving community of parishioners, faith truly grows into your very own Ma’oz Tzur… strong rock of support. As long as your DD knows that she is the architect of her own relationship with God and faith, then faith has the potential to become something incredibly nurturing. And faith gives you this wonderful curiosity to explore the wisdom of other faiths and philosophies: Judaism, Baháʼí, Islam, Buddhism, etc, etc.

I approached your post from a (recovered!) Catholic point of view. Of course she needs godparents not a sponsor (getting my holy communion and baptism mixed up). And the godparents shouldn’t need to be religious. As a Catholic parent, I needed to choose one Catholic out of 4 non-Catholics. Make sure they’re really loyal, loving people, above all. I picked a couple out of urgency. Bad choice. But we have other wonderful ones. Anyway, the vicar will guide you.
It’s a loving rite of passage. A welcome into a very loving church. And here’s the beautiful thing, if it’s not for her then it’s not for here. No harm done. I do hope her faith gives her the nurturing goodness that it is capable of delivering.

Obviously if someone of any age wants to explore practising Christianity then going to church would be a good place to start, yes.

I was trying to make a more limited point - that there will be no obligation to attend church afterwards if this child is christened. Perhaps she’ll choose to - who knows?

Children want all sorts of things at eight years old. I recall:

Wanting to learn the violin - parents signed me up to lessons at school. I was hopeless and stopped it after a few months.

Wanting a horse - my ardour cooled extremely quickly when I overheard my ‘getting by but not at all well off’ parents discussing looking for a horse and renting a paddock and …

In terms of commitment and tangible effect I’d say for most people being christened is closer to the former than the latter.

if it’s not for her then it’s not for her that should read.

Hi, What did you decide in the end if you don’t mind me asking? I’m in the same situation! X