Party etiquette!

[susanmt]

Great excitement in our house tonight as dd came home with 2 party invitations (her first ones!!).
She can go to one but not the other. Just as a guide - for the one she can go to, how much are people spending on presents for parties these days. I feel I would like to be generous here as it is her childminder's daighter's party.
And for the one she cant go to - do you get a present anyway? Send a card? Not sure, this is all new to me!
Thanks for your help in advance

I think that saying 'no presents' is a real shame, both for the birthday child and for the guests, who should learn to give presents!

After a birthday, when the boys always get presents, we go through the toy cupboard and sort out some which there is no longer any room for (or which they feel they have grown out of). We then make a trip to the charity shop and donate them.

That way, the children learn about giving stuff away to other children who may not have much, I get to clear out the clutter, and they still get birthday presents.

we were thinking of having a party for ds's forthcoming first birthday. really this is just an excuse for the adults to have fun. like eulalia, i was thinking of asking people not to give gifts. there will probably be no/few children other than ds. does the argument that children should learn to give gifts - so that a "no gifts" policy is inappropriate - apply in our situation?

would be very interested to hear mumsnetters views on this.

thanks in advance.

p.s. - would love to - but won't - ask for a contribution to his savings a/c!

another thought. we are meeting with our nct ante natal class in about three weeks, the ostensible reason being that all the babies are coming up to their first birthdays. should i buy presents for the other seven babies in the group? have thought of suggesting a "secret santa" type arrangement where every couple buys one present (i.e. then every baby gets just one) for say a £5 maximum - limits cost, time, resulting clutter etc.

would like to hear any views on this one too!

thanks very much in advance.

bossykate, I think a no gifts policy is OK, since this is really an adult gathering, not a traditional children's party. I bet at least some of your guests will ignore this, though, and you may well find that savings account gets an extra boost

As you say, I would stop short of asking for money in this instance, even though it would be nice. I think asking for money (as in small change) works best when it's an alternative to a child giving another a small present.

Bossykate, our post-natal group does the secret santa thing for birthdays and it seems to work out well (amazing what a variety of stuff you can get for £5).

Thanks very much for your insights on this topic, everyone. I agree the "secret santa" would be the best way to go - however, I have balked at mentioning it since I think it would complicate matters, and I have a tendency to organise others a bit - this is not my do (if it were this would have been thought through and the appropriate policy issued!) Don't I sound horrid! Now we will be the only ones to come empty handed!

Have very mixed feelings about this outing. The individuals in the group don't have much in common, the group didn't "gel" well during the classes, meets very sporadically etc. To be honest, I thought these meetings would peter out once people went back to work...

Yet somehow, dh & I can't bring ourselves to make an excuse and say we can't make it! What is it about these groups?

I don't think I'm normally so inept as these things make me feel!

Thanks again

boosykate - why don't you talk to the person organising it and say you don't want to put anyone in an awkward position so what would she like to do about presents? If she says she hasn't thought about it, then suggest the secret santa thing. That way, it can become her idea not yours.