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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

Original poster

Birthday party virgin!!!!! What are the do's and don'ts?

33 replies

OnZephyrstDayofXmas · 17/12/2005 09:37

DD is having a birthday party today. It's at our local Krazy Kingdom - big play place. At first hardly anyone was coming but since yesterday half the pre-school is now coming. One Mum has asked if her daughter's older brother can come - she said 'It's ok if he doesn't eat, he can just go and play' I said Yes he can come but obviously I can't make him sit on his own while the others eat!! Bit of a pain though as it means we have to pay for him now when we're already broke!! Is that me being too soft??

Does DD open her presents at the party in front of everyone so her friends can see or do they get taken home to do that?

My mind has gone blank now! There were a million other things I had thought of.........anything else you can give me tips on will be much appreciated!!

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SueW · 17/12/2005 09:58

On older/younger siblings - 'Yes that's fine. WOuld you like to pay me now or when you drop him off?'

Pressies get taken home - not usually any time to open them anyway. Some venues provide black sacks for collecting and transporting pressies but you might need to bvring your own - make sure they are quite sturdy)

Weatherwax · 17/12/2005 10:02

I'd take presents home so they
a) don't get lost
b) you can do the unwraping slowly to make a list for the thank you notes
c) if dd hates the present the giver doesn't get the negative response
d) if you get duplicates you can rescue the present before the box gets torn and therefore could be exchanged for something else without embarisment

foxinsocks · 17/12/2005 10:05

I agree with Sue - though for next time, best to either rule out or in (normally out) siblings in advance! With pre-school it's harder though as you would expect parents to stay (if they are 3ish) but if I had a sibling in this situation I would always ask in advance if it was OK to bring them and volunteer to pay (quite often because of numbers, you simply cannot have siblings).

As Sue said, don't open the pressies - you need to know who gave what (for thankyous) and it's always embarrassing for some people (who may have only been able to spend very little!). If you have a partner/dh, make him be in charge of taking them to the car and keeping them all in one place.

collision · 17/12/2005 10:08

and also it is embarrassing as they rip the paper off, chuck it to the side and open the next one!

Make the present opening a bit of a ritual at home. Will be much more exciting.

foxinsocks · 17/12/2005 10:12

if the mother of the older sibling isn't staying, I would say no to him coming (last thing you need is another child to keep an eye on!). If she's staying (and that's why she has to have him there), I would play it by ear when she gets there (re the contribution).

Original poster
OnZephyrstDayofXmas · 17/12/2005 10:13

Thanks guys

Another Mum has just phoned and said she's got her neice and someone else and can they come so I made sure it was only if she stayed with them!!

I'm quite surprised really - I wouldn't dream of dumping off ds as well if dd was going to a party!!!!

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Original poster
OnZephyrstDayofXmas · 17/12/2005 10:15

*niece

I think I might not answer the phone for the rest of the day!!!

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cupcakesbakingonanopenfire · 17/12/2005 11:20

you shouldn't have to pay for children you haven't invited. Or be expected to supervise them.

Original poster
OnZephyrstDayofXmas · 17/12/2005 11:29

So it's not too mean of me to say to the Mum bringing these other extra 2 that we've pre-ordered and paid for the food so she'll have to pay for them to get in/go and pay?

I'm terrible at this I'm such a wimp!!!

I'm dreading it already!

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Kristingle · 17/12/2005 11:31

Everyone is right - no to opening the presents. No to paying for uninvited guests. IME the parents have to pay at the door if the child isnt on the guest list, so you dont get involved at all. Agree its difficult if you have other kids and no one to watch them, so you have to bring them

cupcakesbakingonanopenfire · 17/12/2005 11:32

I would say, 'yes, they can come but we've only budgeted for xamount of children and I'll need you to pay for them. It's £...'
Blunt, straight forward. And they can't argue with it.
I think if she's expecting you to pay it's a real cheek.

Kristingle · 17/12/2005 11:33

The other mum should know that.Oftne the party group are taken off into another room to eat and there is a max no of kids that can go in. Is your venue like that?

cupcakesbakingonanopenfire · 17/12/2005 11:33

friends have said this to me and I haven't been upset! In fact I would be embarrassed that I hadn't offered to pay first.

Kristingle · 17/12/2005 11:34

Oh cupcakes, you put it so well!

Original poster
OnZephyrstDayofXmas · 17/12/2005 11:41

I'm not sure what the maximum is but the minimum is 10 - which is what we'd planned for. It's now 11 including dd because I said yes to the first Mum about the brother - she caught me offguard as I didn't expect anyone to ask!!

I think they don't pay at the door though, they just come through to the party room and we pay the whole amount.

You are so right cupcakes - I couldn't imagine not offering!!

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Kristingle · 17/12/2005 11:51

Could you say soemthing like " you'll understand that we have alreday booked and paid for the party guests , so you'll need to pay them directly for child X".

Oops, thats a different system then. the venues near us have a list of party guests by name. So if you arrive with Mary Smith ( on the list) and her sister ,Jane Smith, Mum pays herself for Jane. Then when the guest go up to the party room to eat and play games, mum stays downstairs with Jane and buys her food from the counter. So its not really a problem is other kids come along

Sorry thsi is turning out to be so much hassle for you

Original poster
OnZephyrstDayofXmas · 17/12/2005 11:53

I might do that actually.... give them a list at reception and say that I think they might be bringing 'extras' so could they check them off as they come in and ask them to pay if they are extra Fab idea!!

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Kristingle · 17/12/2005 11:56
Blush
Original poster
OnZephyrstDayofXmas · 17/12/2005 11:57

You may have saved the day!

It's ironic really - this time last week we were panicking because there were only 4 saying they could come!!

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LIZS · 17/12/2005 11:57

I would expect to pay for my additional child in those circumstances and wouldnt' expect the host to supervise him/her unless the child and adult knew each other very well anyway. We've had a similar situation arise and we paid on the door for ds and he had food separately although the host parents were kind enough to offer him and his friend, whose family were in a similar situation, to join in the cake. I wonder if you may still have a problem if it open exclusively to parties though, with limited numbers.

LIZS · 17/12/2005 11:59

Posts crossed - it was a similar system to that which Kristingle describes.

cranberryjampots · 17/12/2005 12:04

I would say one of the first donts is

Dont ask if other siblings/family friends can gatecrash someone else's party.

Thank goodness my days at soft play centres are now over but IIRC they're not completely closed off for just the party so presumably the other mums could simply pay for the extra kids to play as they would normally.

My friend and I used to occasionally take our younger children to the soft play at the same time as our older ones were at a party there but we would be there independently of the party and would eat away from the party. Obviously we would chat to the other mums and the host but under no circumstances would we expect her to cater for the other children.

Original poster
OnZephyrstDayofXmas · 17/12/2005 12:06

That's the bit that makes me feel mean - I would love to be able to say yes to them all, which wouldn't be an issue if it was at home but it's cost us almost 100.00 so far!

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cupcakesbakingonanopenfire · 17/12/2005 12:08

thing is, I bet these older children wouldn't be so keen to come if it was at your house and not a soft playcentre...

Original poster
OnZephyrstDayofXmas · 17/12/2005 12:10

No it's not closed off, we have one of a few little party rooms off to the side for food then all the kids go off and play. The first Mum who asked isn't even dropping them off - it's their Nan and she isn't staying. The mum said on the phone "It doesn't matter about the food, he can just go and play" - surely she doesn't think I'd let him sit to the side while all the others eat?!

The second Mum rang, luckily, after I'd started ths thread so I said they could only come if she stays with them.

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