Solo travel/holiday for anxious19 yr old

[cerisepink889]

My 19 yr old DD who suffers from anxiety and rarely leaves the house has booked to go on a holiday/travelling to The Phillipines solo in June. She has only ever been on a plane once before hates travelling and hates being away from home.

She had a uni place but turned it down last minute because she didn't want to leave home but she is doing really well in a full time job now and pleased she didn't go to uni. Most of her friends are at uni and a few have travelled I mean proper full on 6 months (Asia,Australia etc). This is something she had no interest in doing at all until 3 months ago when watching Tik tok she fell in love with The Philippines.

She has booked her flight and is booking accommodation for different places she wants to stay. In one way this is amazing as I never ever thought she would have the confidence to do it so I am thrilled for her but she has never done anything before on her own so I don't know if she will cope. She will not let me have any input as she is 19 (almost 20 in fact). She says she will meet and organise stuff with other backpackers but won't tell me anymore. I worry about how safe walking around cities or islands in The Philippines is for a young woman!

I am going to a nervous wreck!! I wouldn't be so worried if it was her younger sibling even at 17 as they are so much more confident than she has and they love travelling and meeting people.

I can't stop her and wouldn't but I am so worried and don't know how I will cope when she is away!

I have done a lot of solo travel over the years including when I was her age. It's so much easier now we have smartphones and everywhere but the most remote places have wifi. It's hard to go wrong, you can get maps up and book anything you need. Even if she hates it she could just hang out in the lounge of her hostel all day scrolling.

But also anxiety can be lessened when you're somewhere completely new and different as you know you won't see these people again, it can feel emboldening. So don't think that her anxiety at home will necessarily be the same as her anxiety abroad, she could feel completely differently.

Safety wise she should stick to populated areas (not that I always did) and drink canned or bottled drinks. But although nowhere is 100% safe (including home), the Phillipines is as safe as anywhere and sexual harassment is rare so I wouldn't particularly worry about that aspect.

You should be really proud of her, she's working full time and now going travelling, it sounds like she's gone from struggling to thriving, how amazing for her. My solo travels are some of my happiest memories. I hope she has the best time.

It's fantastic that she's doing this, try and hide your fear from her and just talk through the practicalities ... it'll probably be the making of her. Life changing.

I do get why you're worried though!

I’d talk through with her what she’s expecting to do when she gets there. She walks into her room, puts down her case and… what then? Go online?

How is she planning to spend each day? Is she ok about eating alone? Will she want to make acquaintances and eat with them? How does she feel about doing that? Can she make contacts there before she goes?

Can she come home early if she wants to do that?

If she’s prepared then that’s fine. I’m wondering if she’s booked this because she wants to be more outgoing and thinks this will be a way of getting herself to be like that. It could be fine and at the same time I understand your thinking

My DD started solo travelling as soon as she turned 18 and her first trip abroad was to a country I don’t think most of us would have chosen as a solo trip but it all worked out well.

I think it does wonders for their self confidence, if anything my issue now is that DD is always keen to travel and has lost all interest in present responsibilities, which is bringing us some issues but yours is working FT so that’s really good.

I would class my DD as an experienced solo traveller now but I’m sorry to say I don’t think the worry ever goes away, especially young women alone. Mine is currently planning her holidays through Central Asia and I’m already a ball of stress.

Is she meeting someone that she’s met online? Very odd to just change like that for no reason.

This is brilliant. Well done her. It will be so difficult for you to hide your worry but I have confidence you'll be able to do that, knowing how important it is that you must.

Once you have a piece of paper with all the dates, flight number, address of each accomodation you will feel so much better, knowing that even if she loses her phone and forgets to tell you, you can still contact her in an emergency. Once she's settled you'll be able to find out if the accomodation has WiFi and maybe do some short video calls over the length of the holiday if you suspect she's not doing well there. Hopefully she'll be too busy enjoying herself for much more.

I think focus on the positives, she's being brave, trying something new. This might help her anxiety long term as she'll prove to herself she can do anything. If she will let you, or if you can give as gifts - Sort out an eSim in advance so as soon as she lands you can be in touch (and vice versa) plus she can order ubers, use maps etc. Get the top notch travel insurance so she knows she can go to the doctor etc. Set aside some money that you can easily send to her or use to book a plane ticket home if she really needs.

If she's anxious she will probably naturally stick to safe areas, not do anything risky etc. Anxious kids are actually often a God send, my ds worries lots but as a result does follow rules, research things and is incredibly sensible. Hopefully your dd is the same. I'd focus om supporting her - nothing is more off putting for a young person than feeling like ringing home will result in "I told you so". If you stay supportive, she's more likely to call if anything happens or ask your advice.

Sounds like she gets her anxiety from you. Just ask her to make a check in schedule or contact commitment then leave her to it

Working full time has been the making of her she loves it and loves having her own money and because she doesn't go out much she does have quite a bit of money - and her confidence since deciding uni wasn't for her has grown immensely. She has been on sertraline for 6 months now and it has made a huge difference and she just seems to be so so much braver and alot happier so this is a good thing. Going on holiday when she was younger was horrendous as she hated travelling and just wanted to be at home where she felt safe.

She does know so many people who have travelled and loved it but these are friends that have done so much more before like girly holidays to Spain, day trips to London, mini breaks to Paris - she has done none of this so is going from her small market town to an Asian country that is 1000's of miles away.

Although in another way she seems much more grown up then her uni friends as she is already in the world of work earning a wage, learning to budget and also has a lot of older friends from all walks of life.

I know this is a great opportunity but it is hard not to worry. Some of my friends can't believe I am letting her go as they say she will struggle as she never done any type of travelling before, but she is almost 20 and even though they think I am mad I know I have to let her go and actually I don't want to stop her I just want to know she will be safe!

Buy her a lonely planet guide and leave in her room

This is going to be hell for you as the parent but it’s such a positive thing and I think you have to put up with the worry. I can’t offer first hand experience as I think I am behind you in this journey (11 year old who doesn’t like holidays and has told me I will have to take her kids away because she’s not going anywhere when she is old enough to have a choice! 🤣) but thinking ahead, what I think I would do in your position is say “this is amazing, why don’t you arrange a mini break for the 2 of us before you go so you can practice being in charge of everything?” She will get some experience and a chance to show you how she handles travelling and you get some 1:1 time before she goes away??

I would definitely want to know who she is meeting if she is arranging meet ups and where she is staying. I would also arrange regular check in times what times & dates she lets you (or someone else you trust) know that she's fine and where she is. Some essential and functional safety check ins when travelling completely alone seems reasonable.

If she’s open to advice, personally I’d suggest something like an intrepid tour for a first time young solo traveler. It’s a nice half way house.