Thread 52 - Covid GCSE Cohort - Autumn 24 - Start of Uni Yr 3

[Oblomov24]

2024 Autumn, start of year 3 for those at Uni.

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp.

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.

51 Previous thread - 51.

They're all different aren't they, it's brilliant to see how some of your kids have grown up and taken huge strides in terms of independence. Uni played that role for me too; I was quite restricted at home with strict parents and I really needed to get away and make my own decisions.

My two are way more independent than I was at their ages. Ds is just making 7 meals worth of chilli con carne in the kitchen :) although he's managed to miscalculate the amount of spices needed and put 180g of garlic/oregano/chilli in so that will be interesting! Both of them were used to travelling independently on public transport at 18, they've worked and bought their own cars etc. So I'm not factoring in that aspect of uni when thinking about it for ds. If he gets an apprenticeship, he will be living 'away' somewhere anyway. His major issues over the last few years have been organisation of his studies, and general life admin, but he seems to have turned a corner recently. Apparently, introducing him to google calendar was life changing!

He's just said that Reading is the best uni for Real Estate so if he gets a place (and no apprenticeship) he'll just go there, there's no need to visit it!

We interrupt this thread to bring you pictures of figures based on Victorian fruit advertising. And, yes, this is a piece of university work (they like to throw odd assignments at art/design students!)

Those are awesome @PhotoDad I can really see the face on the eaten peach figure 😀 DD has also done some sewing for a DT module - rough brief was to design something for a book character so DD immediately thought Anne of Green Gables and the puffed sleeved dress but then realised sewing that by hand would be onerous so changed to an apron with pockets 😄

Uni seems to be the making of DD too and I definitely think the gap year helped her to grow. She worked as a student ambassador on Saturday for their open day and worked closely with the head of educational studies there who can be a bit scary and had a great day - earned some money too haha.

She has a virus-y cold at the moment but coping well. All her housemates have a virus of some sort so it's like freshers flu for 2nd years. Work has ramped up and she has so many assignments all been given at the same time by all her lecturers and seminar leaders so feeling a bit overwhelmed and a bit burnt out already she feels.

@Piggywaspushed DD is similar. Happy to drive my car but doesn't want her own yet. Can you or your DH go out with him for a few short journeys?

Gosh they're impressive @PhotoDad ! Does your DD ever visit the Heong gallery? That's at DS college and is ...interesting! Bit out there for me!!

Facetime with DS last night. He looked exhausted as been up at 6 for rowing/coxing every day. He says he will be glad proper term starts now. He is on with his dissertation but his first module starts on Tuesday too. I think it will be a really tough year work wise. He is now thinking of maybe doing a Masters - he has made enquiries anyway. @AnneOfCleavage - DS went back with some kind of virus too which makes it all much tougher.

DS only drives locally at the moment. He shares my car which i wouldn't really want him to take on a motorway. He really needs to drive more but I think that will depend on where he ends up next year.

The workload isn't putting him off thinking of a masters then @craggyrat? He sounds a busy lad with those early starts. DH was meant to go rowing at his old school but they had to cancel the event as the river was too high and I don't think they wanted to risk a load of alumni old gimmers going out in the rain on the river. I'd already told DH I was going to support him from my warm cosy sofa at home as I'd seen the weather 😃

How are you doing now @Piggywaspushed? Back at school again? Hope they aren't working you too hard and letting you get back to it gently.

@AnneOfCleavage the money is definitely putting me off the Masters! DS has veered between definitely not to oh I might. I think it will depend on what happens with RAF or grad job applications to be honest. His friend from same college says Masters year was much easier than undergrad....hmmm. Friend did Masters as couldn't find job after degree which is really worrying. But then I'm more of a just get any job and start from there type of person. I'm old though and don't really understand the way the modern world works!

@NCTDN DS1 actually really likes Nottingham and has talked about staying there to work when e finishes - possibly. The downside for him (and us) has been the apparent lack of support or 1:1 opportunities with tutors. He's just signed up for his dissertation and has told me they are only allowed a maximum of 2hrs contact time with their tutor for it over the two terms. It felt to me like they were abandoned to sink or swim with no-one telling them where the life jackets were. Maybe DS didn't push enough, maybe he's telling us his version of events, maybe that's just how uni is now. He would still say he's enjoyed it though. I agree with other posters saying that uni is more than just learning your subject, it is about growing up too.

I was also a first gen uni student, no-one helped me with choices or visits, not even school. I travelled to various parts of the country on train or coach to interviews and made my own decision about where I wanted to go. I am probably a little over involved but I do think its a reaction to having none when I was young.

Love the fruit art @PhotoDad !

DS2 has his first 'proper' driving lesson today and it's pouring down with rain. I hope he copes alright as we never manage more than about 20mins and he wants o go home, this lesson is 1.5hrs!! 😯

@NCTDN DS is also a big fan of Nottingham as a place, despite his struggles in his first two years there. He's spent his whole life in a small village, going to school in a very small town. I think he'd have liked any city to be honest. Like @JustHereWithMyPopcorn says, they do seem a bit left to get on with it at UoN, in the law department at least. However, DS has managed to find a great member of staff who is now always at the end of a Teams call for him. Apparently French uni is disorganised and extremely unhelpful in comparison.
And the campus is lovely, accommodation on campus is old but clean and maintained, and the catering is fine. It was a lifesaver for DS who wouldn't have eaten in his first year without it.
I'm another first generation uni student (parents both left school at 15 with no qualifications) My parents did drive me to a few open days/interviews but didn't leave the car and had no input into subjects or locations. I'm far too involved with DS and DD's choices 😂

So these are the figures for 'young people going to university' (from Copilot but the sources look good) in the years my family started university - my parents, me (and DH actually), then DD:

• 1965 - 5%
• 1991 - 20%
• 2022 - 37.5%

So there are a lot of first gen students out there, and proportionately even more in the 90s. Not getting at anyone here but it was one of my irritations with WIWIKAU, people saying 'first time uni mum!' like it meant anything. There are loads of young people going to uni without graduate parents, and there were loads when I went. Even more importantly though, there are only certain ways it matters. Yes, there are big-picture socioeconomic things at play, but in terms of the practicalities of helping your child get into university, it's not relevant unless you're somehow very connected. Everything has changed SO much since the current generation’s parents went to uni (if they did). Our parents didn't accompany us to open days and interviews because the system wasn't set up for that - they were mid-week. My parents' jobs weren't flexible enough to take me to start university on a Wednesday, let alone do open days!

Accommodation is different, funding is different, communicating with home - everything. DH and I went to very different universities and did very different subjects, and DD is different again. The only thing she has from us - and I admit this IS a big thing - is that assumption that university is a thing that she can do.

Anyway, my parents had no input at all into which university I went to. But I did go to the same one as them 😄

I'm the opposite really. Really proud that my grandmother was an early trailblazer for women with a degree. Not sure exactly where or what , science of some kind and she taught before marriage, but she was quite adventurous. We have pictures of her playing hockey and cartwheeling on beaches in France in the 1920s.

Bit of a lag for me joining the debate, I have just returned from a long weekend with DD. All good, life is as manic as one can imagine living in an over-populated hot city steeped in history and cultural challenges, but, I am very impressed at how she’s integrated. The faces of locals that light up to hear a westerner speak Arabic was a joy to watch. Fingers up to those parents on other threads who think it’s pointless.

Mine is first gen, DH and I didn’t go to uni. I didn’t get beyond 4 O levels (wrong crowd) but I wouldn’t change a thing about my own career and route through life. I do smile when parents outburst comments like ‘well you’d never know’ when asked where I went for HE. I guess there’s a compliment somewhere but I am also past taking offence when I know that it was a slight dig. Especially when I’ve played a large part in supporting DD in my “manager” capacity.

Our favourite dig line was but when does she get to watch Coronation Street?. Cutting but funny.

Love your DD’s last assignment piece @PhotoDad !

While I was first gen actually going to uni DMum did go to teacher training college (leaving home to do so but they lal lived in lodgings, not halls or similar). My dad worked up from being a 16yo apprentice into management in a large company, you would need a degree today for both their jobs and they will have worked with mostly graduates. So it is a bit disingenous of me to claim first-gen status really, also thinking about it a lot of my cousins went to uni and most of my aunts and uncles were in professional roles so if not necessarily expected, it was certainly no surprise that I went to uni. I think most of my info came from college though, not my parents. DH was properly first-gen, his parents were in trades and admin.

@PhotoDad great work again!

@Piggywaspushed that’s so cool!

Not wishing to outdo @Piggywaspushed or anything but my great grandmother went to Cambridge! This was the early 20th century though so she wasn’t allowed to get a degree 😩

I find it strange when everyone says parents weren’t involved in the 90s as mine definitely were! They even took me to a couple of open days, and my nan took me to another (she did medicine at uni!).

Great update on your dd @ealingwestmum !

Thank you @mummyinbeds @JustHereWithMyPopcorn that's good to know.
I do really like the catered option as he's choosing a very intensive course and worry he won't have time or energy to buy food and cook. Sheffield is probably favourite but catered doesn't appear to be an option.

Even cooler @crazycrofter! Part of a talk I went to the other day was about the actual riot at Cambridge when they first voted in women graduating. Absolutely horrendous. Some great pictures here: specialcollections-blog.lib.cam.ac.uk/?p=28325

I was first gen - although due to A level fiasco it was poly rather than uni. I think my parents were vaguely supportive (they grudgingly topped up my grant, although I had to pay them rent out of it during the holidays!). But they weren't involved in the application process at all. I did all my open days/interviews on my own by train or coach. Lack of halls meant my first year was spent lodging with a family in a shared bedroom with another student. Apart from the obligatory fortnightly Sunday afternoon phone call made from a phone box, they really had no idea about my life. I think they were proud, but it was all quite a lonely process. Probably means I've been far too invested with my DCs as a result 😁
DH went straight from A levels into banking and qualified in a few years. He later did a degree via the OU.

@crazycrofter and @Piggywaspushed great to hear about your female forebears going to uni against the odds. Over the summer I went to see Marie Curie the Musical, which was very much about how much she had to fight to be taken seriously as a female student/scientist, very thought provoking.

@Seeline poly here too, too much time partying in 6th form . Did no harm in the long run though and I still party with the same people.

Hi everyone! Great hearing your stories. I’m not 1st gen uni but my parents both were. My mum got into trinity college Dublin aged 17 to read medicine with a single a level in French, having arrived in Dublin 2 years earlier without a word of English. She spoke only Greek and some Arabic and French. It was obligatory to have studied Latin but she persuaded them there was more Greek than Latin in medicine and they agreed that was fine. Amazing. Had a 40+ year career in medicine. However they had practically no input into my uni choices. They just assumed I would make my own sensible decisions and they were pretty much right. As they had sent me 3000 miles away to boarding school they didn’t really have much input into anything I did after age 11.

Btw she was the only one of 4 sisters who was allowed to go to uni by her very controlling father (I think she simply did not consult him and presented him with a fait accompli) , and the only one without an arranged marriage. Also the only one to get divorced 🤣

These mothers of yours sound very cool! Mine did go to university after having a very privileged upbringing, and moved here with my father leaving my brother and me in India after I was born. Unfortunately, by the time we were flown over, we only had a few years as a family with my dad passing when I was 5. She had to fight with her family to remain here, but as a result, she took on a very uncommunicative, authoritarian style of parenting resulting in me to rebel very early.

But it also gave me a good kick up the arse and I was independent in spite of flunking school, buying my first home at 19. I do understand now she just didn't have the capacity to invest mentally in 2 kids, so my brother took the focus (I never even got asked if I ever had uni aspirations), which she says now, is because I was stronger and she knew I'd manage with such a strong personality. This was code for not being like the other Indian girls. Fair.

I know many of you are going through HE options (or alternatives) with your younger DC but it's also so encouraging to see the evolving transformations of our covid cohort coming through the other end too. I hope it gives you hope that you have been getting stuff right, even with some bumps along the way.

My mum ( American) was also not allowed to go to uni or college. Only the youngest daughter was. My mum was artistic and says she wanted to go to art college. Instead she did some secretarial stuff, some modelling and then cabin crew doing the LA flights where she encountered the likes of Carg Grant and James Stewart. She eventually ended up meeting my dad, getting divorced from DH 1, coming to the UK, divorcing my DF, going back to the US and becoming a latter day Zsa Zsa Gabor. I think she has had 5 husbands...

I am very ordinary!

Oh wow I love hearing these stories. @ealing I’m sorry you had such a tough time. I had a violent father and have never really forgiven my otherwise admirable mother for not protecting me from him. She also used to say “I know you will be absolutely fine” and I remember thinking about 16 “well yes but I would still like some assistance”, so I know that is a double edged sword. @Piggywaspushed - she sounds extraordinary! And Cary grant AND James Stewart? My two favourite leading men bar none… sounds like you too had to make your own way without much parental focus. I totally think we three would have a fabulous evening over a bottle of wine, swapping stories. Who will join us?!