Thread 47- Covid GCSE Cohort - Summer's running away from us!

[OrangeCinnamonLatte]

...it will be Christmas before we know it.

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4792342-thread-46-gcse-covid-cohort-searching-for-summer-solstice

@Piggywaspushed I don't remember this with your DS1, apologies, did he resit the year?

Sorry to hear of this stress @283nouveauxnoms - hope once the shock calms down you are able to work with him to find the best solution to go forward. I hope you get some support from the uni as well. Sending hugs

No, just one module but if he'd failed again he would have had no degree at all....

It's such a worry isn't it. I think like @283nouveauxnoms says, when they're not use to failing this can be such a shock to them and to us.

So sorry to hear that @283nouveauxnoms

It's really stressful for you all. I guess he needs to weigh up whether he feels he's capable of passing if he retakes (ie was it just down to the illness or is he finding the content hard anyway) and if it's still definitely the course he wants to do. I know dd would be devastated to be out of kilter with peers. But he'd need to be confident he could do a lot better than passing with some effort. I know that's really hard to judge.

I'm a little worried at how laid back dd is about her upcoming exams. She's taking the five Jan exams for the first time, so presumably if anything went wrong she'd have the chance to resit them, but not in time to start year 2.

Ds is also at risk of failing A Levels and is way too relaxed about the whole thing! He's very behind due to illness and general rubbish timekeeping/ a bit of truanting. He seems to think he'll be able to catch up over the summer, but I'll believe it when I see it. School have been very accommodating, but they don't want to see him get Ds and Es.

I thought parenting might get a bit easier by this stage!

@283nouveauxnoms It will be a huge shock if he thought it would be resits. A little space and he will appreciate the support you're offering as he navigates his choices.

@283nouveauxnoms that is really tough. It might be easier if he knew others were in the same position. I would advise him to sign up to re-do the year, and withdraw later if he decides that is not what he wants. It is generally easier to withdraw at the last minute than it is to join at the last minute. DS1's GF had a flatmate who repeated a year, seemed to be fine socially. I know a lot of medics re-do a year too. As you probably have to pay for the accommodation anyway, maybe best to encourage him to try re-doing but with the understanding that if he wants to drop out you are on his side?

Thank you all for your lovely words. I am still at work but heading home soon.

Spoke to DH on the way to work, both of us are 80% towards him redoing it. He really is capable but was ill then couldn’t catch up. The nature of engineering is that you can’t miss a week and still understand. He let it all pile up and got very down, head in sand. So I think he is capable of passing. We had already spoken lots of going with a different mindset next year but assuming it would be year 2.

i doubt he will want to but I want to suggest him talking to student support independently to talk through it. Not his parents or his girlfriend (who lives near us but is at the same uni, uni is 3.5hrs from home so not going back would mean being apart from her too.). I think someone I independent would help him get his head round it.

got to go back now but I really appreciate all of your support, it means a lot.

Sympathies with you @283nouveauxnoms

I hope it all works out and that he can see it's not his fault, just a combination of things. FWIW I think starting again could be great, as he has the uni life stuff sorted and has done the content before, it could really build his confidence.

I really agree with this, and with the pp who said that this is an opportunity for him to sit down and say Right. Is this really the course I want to do? Before I became ill was I enjoying it and with all that I have learnt, do I still want to be an engineer or is there something else I am better suited to? If he does want to do the course then he is in a good position to really knock it out of the park next year as he knows 38% of the first year already!

it might feel like being in a different year to your cohort is bad, but it happens all the time as linguists take a year abroad, others have a year in industry or intercalate… It’s not like school where you have a fixed intake.

I think he needs to try and see this as an opportunity to recalibrate and make positive choices. Easier said than done and he might need a week or so to be able to do so.

big hug to you all.

Commiserations to @283nouveauxnoms . That's not the news anyone wants but sometimes these things just happen. There's nothing shameful in repeating a yr, infact it might end up being the making of a fantastic degree. He clearly wants to do well so that's half the battle. How is his health now? are there any adjustments in hind sight that may have helped him?

Came home and he is more level headed now. Clearly had a chance to talk it through with his girlfriend. He has sent an email to the head of course saying that he thought it would be resits, is there any chance he can do them as he’s been studying the subjects he failed over the summer (which is true). I suspect the answer will be a no. But if you don’t ask…

also one of his marks is bizarrely low as it’s coursework and he did it all to a decent standard (and DH checked it with him). He wonders if all projects have been marked / included. He is awaiting the breakdown of that.

He says he thinks the right thing to do is just swallow his pride and go back and do it again. He seems more resigned to that. Upbeat is too strong but on a more even keel . I have suggested Still that he talks to student support to help him think it through and also so that he has opened the door with them in case he needs them next year.

with regards to health it’s fine now. We wonder if he had long covid or glandular fever but he didn’t seek any advice. He also had a separate food poisoning incident which compounded things.he also went tired as he had worked ridiculous hours all last summer. IBefore this he has always had the best immune system out of all of us but he went run down. think going back well rested should be fine healthwise

he also stuck his head in the sand and knows he can’t do that. We had already spoken about seeking help at early stage next year and he seemed and seems on board with that. I do hope it could be a good thing in the end even if it doesn’t seem so now.

thanks again all for your supportive posts.

You are probably all in a state of shock, so take to think.
This may be not helpful but are you sure it isn't worth talking to his course tutor? About the possibility of starting again next year. Or if there's any appeal for extenuating circumstances re being ill (I can't remember what illness he had).

When you say he stuck his head in the sand, so you mean just generally?

I mean where were all the marks? Throughout the whole year? After every piece? After this supposedly bad coursework? Where was the tutor and the support throughout the year.

You can't just spring it on someone at year end that they've failed?

@Oblomov23 he can start again from scratch next year. His course director is decent but his personal tutor was really shit (met him once, no other contact despite everything clearly going wrong) so we have said he should ask for a new one if he is to restart.

he would prefer to try to resit and carry on but academically i think it would be better to restart. We will see if the course director replies to his request. I doubt he will be able to change that.

he is also conscious of the cost of redoing a year. And being behind his peers. It’s a five year course anyway so he’ll now be 24 when he finishes.

illness wise, it was non-descript really. Food poisoning and long lasting flu/exhaustion but he didn’t get any medical evidence to support. The illness then led to not being able to cope with catching up so it was a combined thing.

He knew he failed 3/5 of the January assessments. He found that out early March. After that he had one meeting with the course director who basically said he should be able to resit them in summer.

at Easter he was home for two weeks and we wffwctively did a boot camp with him to get caught up on all semester 2 subjects and he handed all in on time etc. No results though.

He found out the rest of his results today. these were a lot better overall but not enough credits for courses awarded.

as for stuck his head in the sand, he knew it wasn’t going well during the year but found it hard to catch up due to the volume of complicated technical work involved. The volume was overwhelming and he couldn’t cope with it emotionally so gave up to an extent. This has all changed since Easter when he caught up and then kept up.

Yes support has very much been lacking. He didn’t seek support as he was embarrassed/awkward but the only person to reach out was the course director once. His personal tutor did not contact him after the bad semester 1 results or during semester 2 at all.

we didn’t realise the extent of the issues until Easter when we put a lot of support from us in place. We encouraged student support but he wouldn’t.

I'm very late saying this but @craggyrat so sorry you are going through this, Everything crossed all goes as smoothly as possible for you. must say you do sound very inspirational.

Feel bad for you and your DS @283 must have been a massive shock. There does seem to be more burying head in the sand scenarios with this cohort. DD is classic example of this, she just shuts down and won't discuss it, in fact the more important the problem the less she wants to talk it through. She would never ask anyone at uni for help which is ridiculous. It's good that he has now talked to you and knows he wants to continue.

Reading back through the posts this parenting lark really hasn't got any easier!
Fingers crossed for those still waiting for results and those about to take resits. Seems so unfair to keep students waiting to find out if they have to resit or can progress to next year.

I was bad enough waiting to find out re DD and thankfully she has passed everything (only just on some modules) but after the end of the year she had I will take that. She walked out of 1 exam after 1hr (was due to be 2.5hrs with extra time) By then she was in a bad way along with bad back and stomach pains. Somehow managed to get 44% on that module (was 100% exam weighted) so she passed it. Module grades were lower than she would have wanted at the start of the year (1st - 3rds) But seeing how she was, I think she did really well to turn up and take them. She had just had enough and wanted out by then.

She is adamant she wants to return in September and it will be better in 2nd year. BUT now she has just lost the house they had signed contract for in January!

Found out on Tuesday (same day confirmation of progression to yr2) so that ruined that. Despite all 4 students and guarantors all passing checks and signing the contract in January the Landlord has now said he wants to rent privately and Estate agent has only just been told! The Estate agent has told 1 Mum that they aren't sure if he signed the contract! how can they not know that?? They don't have anything suitable and keep sending links to different areas which is a definite no. Thankfully 1 of the parents is a solicitor so is on the case. But the girls still have to find somewhere to live (they were due to move in 1st Aug)...

One of the girls and her Mum are going to look at a few properties in the right area tomorrow - houses are for 6 but apparently landlords are happy to rent to 4 (they don't pay any more than they would with 6 people). I've told DD to make sure the LL can't add people themselves later..

DD hasn't put any thought to next year (won't discuss it right now), she is living her life day by day, going out with friends, working a bit, seeing boyfriend and going on holidays. She just thinks that she can make it work because she has to. I tried really hard to explain there are other options but as they all take some thought and effort it's a no. I really do hope all goes well and she does enjoy it.

On a brighter note, we are all looking forward to going to Cornwall in August (DD is coming with her bf). He hasn't ever been before so we want to show him around but it's been so long since we have been ourselves we can't remember the best bits - any suggestions on places we should take him to? We know the area we are going to (Morgan Porth) and I think I remember Mousehall being nice but really can't remember so any recommendation would be great, We have bought a paddle board and new body board (so have 4 adult ones) and will be taking bikes too (benefit of having a van). DD bf is driving his car too.

The key thing is that he buys into a plan of action 283, with the support of you all, and with the allowance of time today, he’s clearly arrived at that point. If it’s resits, bonus, but he’s now also prepared for repeat year.

Very well done to you for giving him space. Not always easy, but supporting our DC with decisions and fixing them are 2 very different things.

Good advice from everyone and @283nouveauxnoms You also mentioned about the age thing that he'll be 24 by the time he finishes. It so doesn't matter whether he finishes a year later. What matters is him getting a good degree. I graduated at 24yrs due to a whole host of reasons (moving country etc) after school but wish I had gone back & resitted my A'levels so I could have gone to the much better university I really wanted but I was so desperate to get my degree by age 21 I plumped for the first offer I got. I thought I was soooo old when I graduated! now I look back and see what an idiot I was.

Glad your DD has passed it all @Heifer but that is absolutely shite about the house! Something very similar has happened to someone on WKWIKAU in the last couple of days. It's so hard worrying about them and if it'll work out isn't it? It sounds like our two are quite similar in how they deal or don't deal with things.

Yes I know what you mean @Shimy . I did a 4 year degree then 3 years professional training so wasn't qualified until 25. I think for him it is that an already long 5 year degree is now turning into a 6 year one, plus adding another £15k to his debt.

He has been doing work experience with people DH works with this week and has gone back in this morning so will at least be distracted for the day. (He has been there all week but came home early yesterday after the results).

We will wait for the director of studies to get back to him and see what he says. I hope it is definitive either way and comes soon.

Sorry to hear about dd's house @heifer , what a nightmare! I hope one of the six person houses works out. Glad she's passed her exams anyway!

I am so sorry to hear about Notts house @Heifer. What a shitter! Hope you find another soon.

Re: Mawgan Porth, obviously you are right by Newquay for surfing. If you fancy going a little bit more north Polzeath is favoured more by many surfers. I myself tagged along with the surfers - who went to Polzeath more than Newquay, for many years, most weekends. Broke my nose surfing in Polzeath!

@Heifer that is thoroughly unreasonable of the landlord - have they paid a deposit? I seem to remember that their house seemed expensive for Nottingham, hope they find something they like better than the original house and may even save some money.

@heifer that’s outrageous by the landlord! I hope they find something else soon - cheaper and better.

We are now in Cornwall for our summer holiday. It’s pouring down of course. <sigh> Drove down yesterday only took 5.5 hours. 😂. Highlight of the day may be taking DS2 to the rock shop.