Lazy DS

[Howlongtilldinner]

Have posted before

How do you manage to live with a lazy adult child, who is only prepared to do the bare minimum (with everything including job hunting) and not be resentful? How do you have a harmonious relationship, with someone who refuses to ‘see sense’ and, makes mistake after mistake that impacts on you, a lone parent with no support from anyone?

I’m struggling, really really struggling to have any sort of ‘relationship’ with 20 yo DS.

I am hugely resentful and very irritated by his behaviour/attitude. I am hugely resentful that at 20 years old I’m still supporting him, when he does practically nothing for me/indoors.

Please tell me how you live side by side with civility (on both sides I imagine).

Just seen this thread, OP, because I worried about my own lazy 20yo and never sure how tough to be. How's your son doing in the job? How are you?

Hi mary well he has another job (through family which I found for him)I have to take/pick up because there’s no public transport (rural). He is taking driving lessons though, and I pray he passes. He has money I put by for a car etc.

His attitude is no different, two days last week I was ‘bullying’ him to get out of bed to go to work, he had a headache

I have conceded that I cannot do anything else to help him, he’s an adult and has to make his own way/mistakes.

His dad is worse than useless. I have asked him many times in the past to intervene without success, he takes no responsibility for welfare/upbringing, will just bung him a few quid
Maybe he is just behaving like the example his DF gave him.
It seems to be boys rather than girls that are unmotivated to look after themselves at this age. Ime they eventually get a grip and find a career. But it seems to take a few years.
There is not much you can do. Just try to give yourself a good life ignoring the negativity caused by his behaviour. Could you move into the town?

Oh dear @Dinner, it sounds like he needs to see a specialist. He's probably got what ;-)
Hugs to you. So difficult when you live in an area with no public transport. I notice that you are putting money by the him to get a car and you are doing all the taxiing now. Not fair on you at all. But at least he is working. Can money be taken out of his wages to contribute to any of this?
Would a bike be an option, or do you think he just wouldn't go?

He had money put by for him when his Dad and I split. I have probably made a rod for my own back if I’m honest, by compensating for the lack of a decent father.

He had an apprenticeship application that needed completing by mid March. It was with a reputable company, I’ve found out he didn’t complete it and it’s too late. I was deeply upset, as my daughters boyfriend spent a very long time ‘helping’ him do his CV etc (did it for him basically) so it’s just a smack in the face for all of us.

So now he can go it alone and find out how difficult the big wide world can be. I cannot do any more than I’ve done, it’s down to him now. It’s affected my mental health, so I have to step back.