How much "quality time" does your dh have with the children per day?

[emkana]

Dh leaves for work at 7.30 am. In the morning he only has a brief chat with dd1 and dd2, if they're awake this early. At night he comes home around 6 pm. He chats to them while getting changed, then we all have dinner together, then he helps with bathtime/putting pyjamas on, then he reads dd1 a story (dd2 insists on me, but one day she'll hopefully join into this routine.). By then it's about 7.15 pm. So he doesn't really see them an awful lot... I always have visions of all these fathers up and down the country who spent hours after work in meaningful play with their offspring. What's the reality like?

PS: At the weekend we're normally together as a family all the time, even though dh IMO doesn't "interact" enough with the children. He'll chat to them, do a bit of rough and tumble or whatever, but never does playdough or playing with any other of their toys with them. I don't think his parents really played with him, so he doesn't know how to/doesn't see the need. Gets to me sometimes. Also I think he'd find it easier to play with them if we had boys with boys' toys, not Barbie and Baby Annabel and all that.

my dh usually dresses them and gives them breakfast and then when he comes home in the evening, we take one DS each after bath and do the story, singing, whatever. I don't think he's quite as "hands on" as I would perhaps like but before he met me and my nices and nephews he'd never met a child since he was one, so I think he's doing OK!

I start work at 6am so dh feeds ds and dresses him, then he takes him in car to meet me from work at 9am.He then goes to work. I then walk home with ds. Dh gets home from work at around 5.30 and baths ds at about 6.30.

Loads and loads at the moment. His work/life balance is a loaded a little too heavily on the 'life' side at the moment.

spidermama totally know where you coming from

Tons, I'm a SAHD. LOL.

DW comes home and sits with dd all evening until they both fall asleep.

this thread has made me a bit as i have realised how little time dh gets to spend with ds compared to other dads working 'normal' hours. DH does get 2 days off a week but the others he tends to be in work a lot of the time that ds is up and comes home after he has gone to bed which i know dh finds difficult.

I am very lucky I get to spend about 2hrs a day at nursery with DD 15mths in the afternoons as I work a split shift,and I'm usually home by 7pm so I get to play for 1/2 hour then I bath her and get her ready for bed DW gives her her last milk cleans teeth and puts her down.
I try to go swimming on my own with her every W/E DW works quite a lot of W/Es so I get that time to play/go cycling see the folks/outlaws/friends etc.
I love every minute I spend with her, well Ok 99% as she has a strong personality like me so we dont always see eye to eye .
Sometimes I find myself poaching DW's time though which is easy as she is definitely daddy's girl
Its a total turn around though as before Munchie I absoluteley hated kids.

My dh sounds pretty average compared to all you people but I have to say I just hate this 'quality time' idea. I think it's just a middle class concept designed to make us feel guilty. Dads (and mums) who are lucky enough to have time to be around their kids in the normal daily muddling along of life chatting while they do the washing up etc are probably doing as much or more than the parents who spend an intensive hour at the end of the day having 'quality' interraction over flashcards and playdough.

Not trying to get at anybody here- just saying don't beat yourselves up about it. We can only do what we can do!!

Thanks for all your answers. It's interesting to see the differences. Pleased to hear that the general view seems to be that my kids are doing quite well with their father . Will get off his back a bit then.

shimmy21, I agree with you about the "quality time" thing. It's one of the many many things that I feel guilty about as a mother... never feeling that I give my children enough "quality time." I wish I could chill about it a bit more!!!

I'm sure I read some research somewhere that said that the concept of "quality time" was overplayed, and that what mattered more to children was ordinary time, and generally being part of their parents' lives. My children have a very busy life of their own, and although sometimes they demand to have me concentrate on them, and do things with them, a lot of the time they don't actually want to stop with their own games to talk to me. Sometimes they don't even notice when I get in in the evening!

I am very lucky dp ( not dd father but does the job!) gets home from work about 5.15pm. He plays with dd in the playroom while I finish tea. He then takes dd out with the dog, on the beach if the tide isn;t in so I can have a quiet 34 mins or so. He then brings her back and does her bath and bedtime routine.

Dd spends every other friday to saturday with her dad (if her turns up but that is another thread!)

On the saturdays she is home dp takes dd out to the beach again in the morning and breakfast in a cafe and then on to gymnasitics so I can have a lie in. We then tend to do something together as a family in the afternoon. Sunday morning we take her to church together and again something as a family in the afternoon. Dp does the bath and bedtime routine at weekends as well.

I know I am lucky, out of all my friends my dp does the most to help with the children. Dd had friends for tea tonight and they all asked where dp was as he is renowned for being great with kids.

To be honest emkana I think your husband does the same, if not more as other husbands. As others have said many come in from work and collapse on the sofa.

Not much....even if he is in thesame room DP usually has something more important to do.....more important to him maybe