Mothers - Are we creating monsters in our sons for the next generation

[Norash]

I have often had this debate with people, and a recent thread has prompted me to start this one.

Well let's put it this way:

Boys are not under so much preasure to help out around the house, yet we complain about husbands not doing enough.

Boys are taught to pee while standing ( there is no reason why they cannot just do it sitting), yet we complain about men always leaving the toilet seat up.
The list is endless, please feel free to add.

Are we responsible for the behaviour that we eventually "hate"?

got to go, come back later.

Ok. My dad never lifted a finger, still does not. Will not even go into the kitchen to get himself a glas of water, well untill recently that is. This is because I had a go at him and told him that when in Rome do as the Romans do i.e when in my house do not expect to be waited on.

My brothers on the other hand will do everything around the house, yes with prompting sometimes but most of the time they are really good. You can tell that my dad had little to do with us as kids. His philosophy, girls work in the house and boys clean the compound.

Now my grandmother (dad's mum) makes me really mad , boys should never be seen in the kitchen and should do no housework.

My dh works part-time in order to share the childcare, he also does at least his fair share of housework. I am lucky he is happy to do this and think it is probably because his father did his share as well. Hopefully ds will see that both his parents work, look after their children and do housework so won't be conditioned into traditional male and female stereotypes. Ds and dd are still a bit young to do many useful chores but they will definitely be treated equally

But it's not about "luck". I'm fed up of people in rl saying how lucky I am. He's only doing what he should be doing.

Here! Here! Hercules, I hear alot of that too. Why am I lucky, because my man does what he should be doing. I believe we get what we pay for, i.e if you are willing to put up with crap you get crap.

I think some of this is stereotyped when kids grow up. My dad's mum died when he was youngish and so did my dh's dad's mum. Both these men grew up having to be somewhat self sufficient, do hems, cook etc, and my family is 2 girls so can't compare but dh is great and I'm sure that this has a little something to do with seeing his father participate and work in a team with his mum.

Ok, I'm not lucky and he should be doing these things, I am lucky I don't have to nag him to do them. I wouldn't have married him if he wasn't prepared to share the boring things. Maybe we are both lucky we are so compatible (fingers down throat emoticon)

My DH is very lazy when it comes to household chores. I do nearly everything from cooking, laundry, tidying up. However, he does all the DIY as I hate it. He has redecorated the whole bathroom including the flooring, decorated DS?s bedroom, fitted the whole kitchen, put up blinds in the whole house and the list goes on. He mows the lawn, does all BBQ?s. When we bought the house he did all the hard work dealing with estate agents, solicitors, insurance e.t.c . I only signed on the dotted line.
When it comes to spiders and other horrible insects, he is the one dealing with them when I run and hide.
I often moan about my DH?s ? laziness?, but thinking about it, he does his share but in other areas. I think women usually forget these things.
I will teach DS to help with household chores but it will have to be a balance.

Monkeysmom, if you're happy, great. It wouldmnt suit me.

Similar to Hercules, dh and I share housework and childcare. His work, or lack of it a the moment, means he's around a lot.

Sometimes I feel he's on my territory and it's harder to keep track of running a house when there are too many bosses.

I quite like it when he's away, earning money, and I have total charge of the household and the kids.

Oh, but he NEVER does laundry.

Hercules, what I meant is that my DH does his share of things that I can?t do or will not do ( like getting rid of the mouse that the cats have killed). He cannot iron shirts. So what ? I would gladly swap .
Men are better at some things and if on the whole, the balance is right I don?t see a problem. I would not be with a man who sits on the sofa with a can a beer in his hand while I run around cleaning and cooking. If he is however putting up that new shed which would probably take me 1 yr, I am happy. Am I too soft ?

Well, DW gets annoyed sometimes that I don't do much laundry, but I get annoyed sometimes that when the car breaks down its assumed its my responsibility. We try and have an equal relationship and yet tend slip into stereotypical gender roles. I'm not sure why. I do however do all the cooking and hoovering.

But why is the correct position of the loo seat down? Why can't women remenber to leave the toilet seat up?

Monkeysmom, I don't think that you are too soft if you are happy with the arrangment you have at your house then that is good we cannot all be the same.
But I do not agree with the statement that men are better at some things. I am as good as and maybe even better than some men, when it comes to DIY or maintainance round the house.

LOL Pablopatito. But if it was intended for it to stay up then it would not be there would it .

Why can't men just sit and piss? Saves them all that aiming and missing doesn't it?

DP and I actually fight over doing the washing:

"I'll do it" - "no, I'll do it" etc

I had to teach him how to iron a shirt when we moved in together though.

Norash, It is good you enjoy DIY and maintenance. I don?t. I don?t have the patience and always do a bad job. I love cooking however. Maybe I didn?t put it very well. Indeed, this has nothing to do with men and women . For example, my mum hates cooking and my Step dad does it all. It is my SD who passed to me the love for food and cooking.
The idea is about sharing but not necessary the same chores as long as it involves sharing and it is fair

Cool Monkeysmom. As I said, as long as you are both happy with the way things run in your household and no one is being taken advantage of or for granted.

If you're happy great but I disagree that your dh "can't" iron a shirt, he is "choosing" not to.

KS

In a word..............NO