Top tips for partners on being helpful in the first couple of weeks post birth

[Carriel]

I thought of putting this in birth announcements for all those newly given birth as it should be fresher in their minds - but I'm sure everyone could think of a few things they wish someone had told their partner that would have helped them through those first couple of weeks.
What do you wish someone had told your other half? (it's for the mumsnet book, so just think of the thousands of folks you'll be helping...)In fact any advice/tips on surviving that first week would be most welcome, so cast your minds back....

Yes, definitely let them go out and be congratulated, get bought drinks, smoke cigars and wobble home at 3am!

yes but without being arrested

agree - what is with the cigars? Mine did that!

Well done Whydaddy!

MrM got so wankered that he couldn't make it into the hospital till 6pm the following day (I was in for 5 or 6 days and told him to go out btw!)

also praise each other in public about hoew well you are doing.

but do not mention intimate medical issues. One bloke we know goes on about his now ex wifes stitches, yuck that is private!!

I sent mine out to do things when I had mine done

yes i told mine to go out as well,came to see me straight from the cells!bless

Remark, quite spontaneously, on how much thinner and babe-like she's looking (this is IMPORTANT).

If tempted to remark on how tired/stressed out YOU are, check your own bottom for stitches and/or general battering, and SHUT UP.

Take over all the cooking. Even if that means just ordering in a pizza.

Don't ask your boss & wife to lunch the day after you bring wife & baby home (after an emergency c/s and baby diagnosed with a medical problem!).

At least if you do invite boss & wife to lunch please get the meat out of the freezer as requested (of course it would be too much to ask him to cook as well !!!!!!!).

Bossykate - have to disagree with you about DH staying off at least two weeks - thank God mine went back to work after two days!!

Listen. In those first days let your wife talk. About her, about the baby, about her and the baby, about you, about you and her, about you and her and the baby. Let her talk it all out until she stops needing to. Then it's your turn.

Yes, soupdragon I can relate to the speed bump on the way home. The visitors is a big one. Make sure DH is clear about who you want to see and don't. Try to keep to immediate family in the first week and then friends etc can drift in over the coming weeks. I found this absolutely exhausting - all I wanted to do was sleep.

My DH and I also found it quite good if he slept at night and then first feed in the morning I would go back to sleep DH would entertain and settle baby during the day, so I could nap whenever I wanted.

Under no circumstances talk you wife into cutting your hair in the first week home from hospital. If you do be ready to have the scissors thrown across the room at your head! DH has never asked again.

Look after your wife, she's now looking after someone 24h a day (especially fi she's breastfeeding), so she needs a cuddle as well

great thread! One thing my DH did for me during the night feed nightmare was to make me a thermos flask of hot tea/coffee, a jug of iced water and a little plate of biscuits ready each night to make the breastfeeding a little bit easier to cope. Made me smile each night at this little gesture of support. He did loads of good stuff like fending off phone calls, attempting the washing, cooking and being strict with visitors etc. quite proud of him really!

However, the best advice I would give for anyone wanting to help their DH/DP to support them effectively is to talk to them and tell them specifically what you want/need - they aren?t all mindreaders and will need supporting themselves.

My dh was good too, brought me edible food into hospital for the 5 days I was in, papers, mags etc etc. Did ALL housework for ages after as I had a caesarian and I informed him Mr Sheen could burst my stitches (tee hee). Made me toast, tea, juice and fruit salad for breakfast everyday - how hungry do you get breastfeeding?? and generally put up with a strange hormonal creature for a few months until the wife he recognised returned, albeit with dark shadows and a spongy tum.

My DH was wonderful for the first couple of weeks, then he sort of returned to normal, selfish, man. What wound me up more than anything was when I asked him to do something around the house or for ds he would say "but I've been at work all day" or if it was the weekend "but it's my day off" - WHEN THE HELL IS MY DAY OFF!!!! DS is now 15mths and we still have these debates where I scream that I do everything and he does nothing. He improves for a little while then slips back to his old ways........ I love him really though!!!

• Turn up at the hospital after the birth with flowers at least if not expensive jewellry (there's another thread on that!)

- Admire the baby and say how fantastic both Mum and Baby are (it's not boasting it's true - took my husband a few days to say how amazing dd was and he's never stopped since!) - Get involved right from the beginning and learn how to change nappies, burp the baby, etc etc and be there as much as possible to do them. - Give lots of support and encouragement for all the new scary things (bathing baby etc) - Take baby out for walk in pram straight after a feed so that Mum can head for bed for a couple of hours. - Find your special skill. Dh was brilliant at burping and settling dd in those first few weeks. Thinking back, he probably wasn't any better than me, but he was patient and willing to try and I was really tired and very grateful.

So many good ones from Tom and princess. Definitely agree with the flowers and pressie bit! Actually the best thing my Dh did was just to totally fall in love with his baby son as soon as he was born. He had been supportive during pregnancy in a kind of "I know I'm supposed to do this" way, so his total besottedness with ds was delightful, made me fall in love with him (dh) all over again, and got him forgiven many times in the early days!

Thanks so much for these - all excellent! Feel free to post more if they occur to you