Biting your child

[Mamashep]

Has anyone bitten their child? My lil terrorist of a 2.8 yr old DD has bitten my 11 week old DS really hard, so hard that her head was shaking and his skin was v.v. nearly broken. I was so unbelievably cross I shut her in the hall while I comforted a v. upset baby, not to mention a v. upset me! She was screaming and banging on the door and I let her in...then I bit her back OMG what is happening to me, I used to be so calm, have never smacked her and can usually just put her in the hallway for some time out for both of us before I explode
All this because I said she couldn't have a bloody date and banana bar cos lunch was minutes away from readiness.
To add insult to injury we made a reward chart this morning to continue with her behaviour...which is mostly good
Please help, advise, commiserate etc etc

[mablemurple]

your poor dd - she has a brand new brother who is taking up most of her mother's time, her own mother describes her as a "lil terrorist" which to me shows no understanding whatsoever of the reasons she bit her brother, and to cap it all, you bit her. What she did was wrong, but what you as an adult did was much worse and will only lead to resentment of her brother, imo. Please try and find a little time to spend one on one with her to reassure her that you still love her.

[Rhubarb]

Mamashep, you can't expect everyone to sympathise with you and agree with you on a parenting forum. None of us are perfect and those on this forum know that I am far from a perfect mother. I do things that others wouldn't. I have slapped my children in anger before now, it was an instant reaction to something they did and I apologised for it afterwards.

However, you were in control of that situation. You allowed your child back into the room and then you chose to bite that child. This isn't an instant reaction, to bite someone isn't instant, it's malicious.

I can understand your upset and your anger, who wouldn't be? And yes the situation needed some firm handling. But biting a child? I was very shocked when I read your post and even more shocked when others said they would do the same.

I've admitted to slapping my child in anger, but I would never, ever, say that this is something I would do in any situation. I would hope that I would never slap either of my children again! At least you were ashamed of yourself, those who posted to say they would do it, they obviously think it's perfectly acceptable to bite a toddler!

I'm sorry but the comparison is relevant here. If a dog were to bite a tot that dog would be put down, you would insist on it being put down, even if it was being teased mercilessly. Yet you, the person your child trusts and loves, you think it's ok to bite your child in order to teach your child not to bite?

A toddler doesn't know what it is doing, the distinction between wrong and right isn't yet clear. They react with emotion. You are an adult, you clearly do know what is wrong and right. How anyone can think that biting a tot is acceptable is beyond me!

I can only hope that this thread shows people that biting is NOT an acceptable punishment. I hope it makes people think twice.

[Mamashep]

Hmmm, so slapping is acceptable, I think I should have thought twice before I posted this message. I was pretty desperate for something, I don't know what.
Honesty is appreciated, but likening my behaviour to that of a dog, I feel is a little extreme, do you think I should be put down??? I am confused.

Anyhow, consider this it from me!

[canttouchthis]

DH bit DS a while ago, when he bit him first. And it does work. He hasn't done it since. They learn v quickly not to do it again. To OP, don't feel you are being judged. We are all here to offer advice when we are struggling (we're only human!!).

The child learns pain and how it affects the other person, and realises it's not wise to try that again.

It is a very blunt way of putting the message across that biting is not acceptable.

[MrsMcCluskey]

Its not something I would do
But I am sure that as parents we have all done things we regret - I know I have.
I am sure you wont do it again
Would def recommend toddler taming

[Rhubarb]

Oh ffs! You seriously think that a child will learn from being bitten by his parents?

Really?

And I did not say that slapping was acceptable, I said that it may be understandable as an instant reaction to something, it's not an acceptable form of punishment though and it is to be regretted.

I cannot believe that a mother would allow her dh, a grown man, bit her child. No, he probably wouldn't do it again, because he's FRIGHTENED of you! I would never want my kids to fear me. I feared my mother when she slapped me and threw me against walls. She never once said sorry. She had a bloody violent temper. I'm no saint, but I've learned the lessons of my childhood.

What an arse you are if you think biting your child serves to teach it a good lesson!

[canttouchthis]

DS isn't scared of myself or DH. we don't go around biting each other all day long. it was a one off and it's never happened since. We live in a happy household where there's no need for hitting/shouting. It's not something that was done for 'kicks', despite how you are trying to put it across.

Rather than being so judgmental towards other parents, try and be constructive with your advice rather than hurling abuse.

Good for you that parenting is easy going for you and your DC behave well, Rhubarb.

[canttouchthis]

also, no need to be name calling on a parenting forum.

[JackBauer]

Sorry if you think you are being picked on, but I agree with Rhubarb.

[canttouchthis]

Mamashep, that's a real shame that you feel you haven't received support on this forum from the majority. Don't feel you can't come back on again, there are some of us that are understanding about what you went through recently. Don't be disheartened.

[Rhubarb]

'hurling abuse'?

I have already said I'm not a perfect parent. If you don't like people disagreeing with you then I suggest you try Bounty or Babyworld.

[canttouchthis]

There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with another poster's opinion. Fair enough. That's the whole point of a discussion.

But it's another thing to word your post in a way that comes across as aggressive.

[Rhubarb]

I strongly disagree with you. Biting children is an emotive subject, I doubt it's even legal.

[canttouchthis]

I do find it very odd that other posters have already stated in a similar way that they have also bit their own DC yet there's been no hurling of abuse in their direction...

Is there any need to single out on one poster, Rhubarb??

[PlumBumMum]

mamashep my dd is the same age as yours, and you have my sympathies,
she bit her sister last week, I put her straight to bed, but she bit her brother the next day,
and so I pretended I was going to bite her she pulled her arm away and I warned her not to bite again, she hasn't done so yet but everyone I have told has told me I should bite her back,
I don't think I could, but I can understand your reaction to a newborn being bitten, hopefully as you say she won't do it again!

[Rhubarb]

"At least you were ashamed of yourself, those who posted to say they would do it, they obviously think it's perfectly acceptable to bite a toddler!"

[canttouchthis]

the OP didn't bite out of malice. she obviously did it in the heat of the moment when she wasn't thinking straight, and felt it was the right thing to do in teaching her toddler not to do it again. she doesn't go on to say that she does it regularly, and enjoys it. She pointed out that she done what she had to do when she was at a high point of stress.

What kind of a human race are we if we can't empathise and help others out in a time of need. We all know doing this repeatedly is not the correct way to deal with the biting, but it was done as a way of trying to immediately resolve the situation.

[dilemma456]

Message withdrawn

[Rhubarb]

"I've admitted to slapping my child in anger, but I would never, ever, say that this is something I would do in any situation. I would hope that I would never slap either of my children again! At least you were ashamed of yourself, those who posted to say they would do it, they obviously think it's perfectly acceptable to bite a toddler!"

I acknowledged that she was ashamed, but what about those who said they would have done the same? Is that not planning?

And I disagree that it was an instant reaction. Biting is planned.

[Rhubarb]

Oh and I just looked up what is classed as child abuse and what do you know? Biting is up there.

There have been cases of parents being prosecuted for biting their children.

Look at it this way, if your child told a teacher that you had bitten him/her, what do you imagine the teacher's reaction would be? Would you be ashamed if your child were to tell someone else what you had done?

I'm not saying that the OP is guilty of child abuse. But I am pretty damn shocked by the amount of people who think that this is acceptable. I've said that at least the OP was ashamed of herself, I don't know what to say about the others.

[Reesie]

I sympathise with op. My dd who is 2 1/2 is unfortunately a biter. Infact she bit a friends child today. It's an extreemly emotive thing. I find it terribly upsetting as a mother. I hate the whole having to watch her as a hawk and diving in quickly at any minor squabble incase she bites another child. Then there is the crying from the bitee and time out for dd with her crying and sobbing and my stern words to her. Also - the apologising to the other mum, they are understandably very annoyed and upset. Then getting my child to apologise to her poor victim.

This has gone on for a year now She's a beautiful little girl who is gentle and giving. I am a very mellow mum, both my husband and I never raise our voices (although can be stern if needed!). I really don't know where our prolific biter comes from!!!! Most people can't belive she bites as she plays brilliantly with other children, however, it can happen in a nanosecond.

Lots of people have suggested that we try biting her back but I have always felt that the stongest influence in parenting is being a good example yourself of the person you want them to be.

I think OP felt that she was so distraught at the event she just felt that she wanted to show him how terrible biting is and that it does hurt if you are bitten. The poor mum felt shocked and terrible that she had done it - so we should give her a break.

Parenting is hard work - sometimes you don't have a clue how to sort out a situation. Mix that with a bit of anguish and horror, plus a screaming newborn that has been bitten - it can drive most mums to do irrational things.

[Reesie]

Thanks shiney! It;s just the toddler groups I cant bear - she's like a mini hannibal lector....

Incidently, you seem like a wise one - do you know when it will stop??????