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Original poster

Portable potty etiquette...

43 replies

jojo28 · 25/04/2005 23:45

Wondering what is considered accepable potty ettiquette when out and about. My friend and I have both just put are ds's in pants (both around 2.6)Admire friends determination at cracking it but almost died when she brought the potty out in Starbucks and sat her son down on the potty right on the seat at our booth! She repeated this in the restaurant of a department store whilst we had lunch. Old ladies sipped their Earl Grey and stared on dissaprovingly. Initially I gave the disgruntled fellow patrons a frosty stare but realised with a jolt that I too did not think it was ok to allow your little one to do a pooh or a pee in the middle of a restaurant or cafe as others ate. I have so far only resorted to whipping out the portable potty in the car park the park and a quiet corner of a shopping mall, wondering if I am being prudish?

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Fran1 · 26/04/2005 00:15

I agree with you, wouldn't do it in middle of restaurant.

i trained my dd about 3mths ago now. I didn't bother with a portable potty. She uses public loos like the rest of us when we're out! Only once have i had to stop the car quick and let her pee on the curbside . And once did she have an "accident" whilst sitting in her high chair in a restaurant .

Other than that, she uses toilets fine. In fact she has given up using the potty at home now as she can get herself on and off the toilet with aid of step. We just keep a potty in her bedroom as our bathroom is downstairs and can be far far away when you have just woken up. (she is still in nappies thru night but doesn't like to wee in them, so goes on potty first thing.)

TBH even though i appreciate the difficulties of potty training, if i were in a restaurant where a Mother did that, i'd be inclined to suggest she took the potty to the toilets for her son to use.

Gwenick · 26/04/2005 00:28

I used a portable potty for DS1 - but I would NEVER have used it in the middle of a shop, never mind a restaraunt or cafe. Always the quiet corner of the shopping mall, car park, or if I was close enough the loos (anywhere).

Chandra · 26/04/2005 02:06

I was even thinking of locking DS in the carboot to use his...

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LIZS · 26/04/2005 07:38

It would certainly put me off my food - what did she do with the contents - bleuch !

I agree with Fran1 . Never used a portable poty for mine, just expected them to go straight on to public toilets. There is usually one very close to a cafe or restaurant and frankly, I'd expect her to encourage her son to hold on and whip the potty out there. If he can't hold on long enough to make it to a loo then perhaps he is not ready !

Perhaps she should encourage him to head for the loo before getting the food and drinks, even just for a handwash, and you could set the example next time by encouraging your ds to do the same.

Original poster

jojo28 · 26/04/2005 09:12

I feel awful because she really is a good friend... but I needed to vent. The joys of M's Net!! I was mortified and I did try to encourage her to use the loos, that was what I was doing with my ds who actually thinks that is much more fun and 'grown up' I think he would be mortified if I made him do it in public. Now I am going to really gross you out!! You asked what she did with the contents... she poured it into a empty starbucks cup and put it in the bin!!!

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LIZS · 26/04/2005 09:16

That is gross - sorry ! Trouble is that that is pushing child friendliness to the limits and such actions could cause a backlash . Did she used to change his nappies on the cafe table too ?

acnebride · 26/04/2005 09:19

[retching icon]

oh dear, maybe i'll just keep ds in nappies until secondary school

NannyL · 26/04/2005 09:49

OMG...
that really is discusting!

If she really insists on using portable potty in such a pblic place (i too wouldnt dream of letting them do it in a restaurant / cafe or similar) then the least she could have done was get a portable potty with those liner things that absorb and are disposed of as a disposable nappy (the tommy tippeee one i think)

Original poster

jojo28 · 26/04/2005 13:03

You might get the impression that she is slovenly but far from it she is much more germ conscious than I am. She wouldn't dream of wiping my son's nose or change his nappy. I have no problem with doing the same for her little boy. Used to be a primary school teacher so when I see a mess I just have to clean it up. But now I am dreading our next trip out. We only became friends recently through our sons but we see each other quite frequently. The thought of having to sit through that again .I dropped hints 'I've never seen anyone do that before!' followed by nervous laughter. And I made a point of taking my son to the loo all to no avail, not sure what else to do.

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jjash · 26/04/2005 13:10

omg - thats insane! I take a potty out with me for dd 2.5 as shes scared of big toilet.We go in the toilets , in a cubicle -like normal folk do!!
Make yourself scarce next time or could you offer to take both children to the toilet ?

iota · 26/04/2005 13:13

IMHO this is totally unacceptable and unecessary as restaurants always have nearby toilets 9as someone else already mentioned)

If it was genrally considered acceptable behaviuor, loads of mums with toddlers would be doing it, wouldn't they and you'd see them everywhere you went

mummylonglegs · 27/04/2005 09:55

A good friend of mine potty trained her dd about a year ago when my dd was almost 2 and she used to get her potty out anywhere and everywhere too. I remember being in a museum with her and she had her dd on it in the cafe and in one of the exhibits where she got asked by a security guard if she couldn't instead take it to a toilet. I stood by and watched all this thinking this was just how you HAD to do it and feeling dread when it came to my turn. Instead I've found that if dd gets 'caught short' when we're outside I can pop her on her porta-potty (the one with the disposable inserts) in a quiet corner of the park etc. where there's no toilets around anyway. If we're in a shop or cafe and she needs to go I whip her off to a toilet. Some places aren't very child-friendly in that the toilets are inaccessible, especially for an urgent wee, so I've avoided them for the time being. I've been quite pleased so far that I haven't had to go through those embarrassing scenes of dd using her potty in front of strangers trying to enjoy their lunch!

mummylonglegs · 27/04/2005 09:57

Incidentally, my friend was furious that the security guard asked her to take her dd and the potty to a toilet. She told him that he would traumatise her little girl while she was trying to learn to potty train. Then my friends dh pointed out that it was also rather traumatising to have to trudge through the museum after with a potty full of poo to find a toilet to flush it away in!

misdee · 27/04/2005 09:59

oh that isnt rigth at all. i do have aportable potty (bought it yesterday) mainly for hospital visits as the tpoilets are miles away from the ward and they wont let us use the ward toilets as they are for paitents. i use a cleaning wipe to clear the floor after as well.

if dd2 needs a wee when out then i'll try and maake sure we can get to a loo, or at least somewhere more discreet than the cafe!

jangly · 27/04/2005 10:06

She could suffer from a germ phobia type of OCD and doesn't like to go into public toilets at all. Might explain it.

FLUM · 27/04/2005 10:11

That is not ok!!!!!

Why not take child to loo and put on loo?

flashingnose · 27/04/2005 10:12

Sorry, but I really think that's out of order - how far away is a toilet likely to be in Starbucks fgs? And as for what she did with it afterwards ...

Original poster

jojo28 · 27/04/2005 18:47

Well we were out again today, all seemed to be going well - I made a point of taking my ds to the loo when we got to the cafe/restaurant and she followed suit. Then horror of horror, half way through the proceedings she whipped out the portable potty and bingo he did a pooh in the restaurant.... I felt like a rat leaving a sinking ship but I just had to get up and busy myself elsewhere. This is an exceptionally child friendly place but still! I was mortified. I think the main problem is that she is breast feeding a very new baby and she just can't cope with doing it all - plus I do think her ds1 is a little reluctant which makes it very tricky. I am so thankful that I listened to seasoned MNetters and waited until ds was ready... it has been so easy he just totally 'gets it' we have only had 1 accident. Training doesn't really come in to it he has kind of just decided he is ready.

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desperatehousewife · 27/04/2005 18:51

I've done it recently - corner of a cafe. End of checkout in M&S, Dvd isle of Tescos. When I was first potty training my son he couldn't wait. In order to ensure that his confidence wasn't knocked, I whipped out the portable potty wherever was needed. It only lasted a week or so. Now he can wait and is more civillised. Personally before kids I might have found it shocking, but needs must and all that. don't lambast her for it!

desperatehousewife · 27/04/2005 18:52

particularly if she is bf at the moment as well...give the poor woman a break. It can be really stressful potty training.

SoupDragon · 27/04/2005 18:52

I think it's totally unacceptable.

jjash · 27/04/2005 18:55

omg cant believe she let child POO in cafe!Didnt anyone complain? I was potty training ds when dd born and if it was vital to take ds the toilet dd just had to wait a few minutes for that feed .I know its not easy but.....What did you say ? Poor you!!

desperatehousewife · 27/04/2005 18:55

ah well, each to their own!

desperatehousewife · 27/04/2005 18:55

ah well, each to their own!

Blu · 27/04/2005 19:05

A good friend's DD in early-ish stages of toilet training just won't go if they use an unfamiliar toilet, esp an adult size seat. She is sared to sit on it. So friend does use a portable potty - but takes it out onto the pavement - which is better than in a cafe etc.
Sympathise with DH's pov - it's a stage for some people - I am afraid DS wees by trees if we are any distance from a toilet - but i think your friend, JoJo, should at least go outside.

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