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Original poster

TELL THE TRUTH, how hard is it to raise two kids under 3?

58 replies

mamadadawahwah · 16/03/2005 16:22

Being broody again and fast approaching the cut off date for more kids. Already have a two year old, just how hard is it really, to cope with a new pregnancy and new baby, when you already have a toddler? Does age make a diff or is just plain hard?

OP posts:

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nailpolish · 16/03/2005 17:12

i think you should go for it

sobernow · 16/03/2005 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aloha · 16/03/2005 17:16

I'd recommend two children btw! I am 41 and have recently had dd (five weeks old) and she's so lovely and ds loves her so very much. In your shoes, I'd go for it. Is she just two or two and a bit? I think a three year age gap is not so hard. Get her into nursery and keep her there when you are on maternity leave is my advice.

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elliott · 16/03/2005 17:19

clary they both do 3 days of nursery when I am at work. ds1 will probably start preschool nursery 5 days in sept, when I will have a bit of time with ds2 but feel v guilty about less time with ds1! I like them having synchronised naps as it does give me a break. maybe I'm just soft!
Also I would not take them both swimming with one adult as it woudl not feel safe for me.
I often think that the closer the gap the harder the early months, but that just may be a case of grass is greener! If I had had more of a choice I might have gone for a 3 year age gap rather than 2.

PuffTheMagicDragon · 16/03/2005 17:20

Ds2 was born when ds1 was almost exactly 2 years.

Sure it's tough - a daze of nappy changing and feeding. But I'm really glad now I didn't have a bigger gap. Once ds1 was out of nappies both day and night and they were both eating the same food and could play (and fight ) together, I suddenly saw the light and realised it's brill having a reasonably close age gap.

They are now 3.9 and 20 months. I'm 40 very soon and glad I bit the bullet and got on with it.

elliott · 16/03/2005 17:23

Puff are you me about 5 months older ?
I agree it has become easier recently - they play together more and don't fight too much (ds1 is a bit of a wimp - 'ds2's squashing me' he calls out plaintively!) We have no prospect of getting rid of night time nappies any time soon. I am also expecting it to get easier once ds2 is walking....

cornishbird · 16/03/2005 17:25

Although it's tough with 2, it's SOOOO rewarding when ds1 is full of love and kisses for new sister. Wouldn't be without either of them.

logic · 16/03/2005 17:34

I have a 2 + 1/2 year old ds and I'm 32 weeks pregnant. It is much tougher being pregnant the 2nd time with a toddler to run after - you don't get any rest. The worst bit is the guilt though. I spent hours talking and singing to ds, playing him mozart in the womb etc... With this one, I haven't had time to do that and so I worry about the bonding thing a bit. Everyone keeps telling me how awful and terrible it wil be with 2 under 3s but I didn't want a bigger gap and I'm glad we've done it. I'm hoping that within a couple of years they will be good friends.

Goldfish · 16/03/2005 17:36

There is 16 months between my 2 dss. I must admit the first few years were just one big blur although I am glad I did it that way. My youngest ds is actually 10 today and I just cannot believe how the years have flown.
Although they do argue like mad at other times they are real company for each other and overall they get on well. It is great on holiday and days out because they generally want to do the same things, for example see the same film at the pictures and so on.

Tommy · 16/03/2005 17:38

Mine are 3y2m and 19m and I'm pg with next one due in Oct. It's completely mad and very tiring but mostly great as long as you don't want to be anywhere at a certain time in those first few weeks. They were quite tough as they took it in turns to nap and need nappy changes. Much better now I only have one in nappies and the other one is in nursery school (going to 5 mornings in Set - hurrah!)
Go for it!

cornishbird · 16/03/2005 17:56

Agree with what you've said Logic. Definately less time for second one from the start! The second does benefit in other ways tho' ie having a (hopefully) doting sibling to watch & play with. Still feel some guilt for both children (2 and 3m). Second one doesn't get as much attention and has to cry a bit longer than I'd like sometimes. I feel guilty for the first one as it's not long since HE was my baby and he doesn't get my undivided attention so much! I'm glad we did it when we did though and get the tough stuff out the way in a short few years. I really hope they'll be best of friends too!!

WestCountryLass · 16/03/2005 21:38

I got PG with my 2nd wen my first was 2 and I have to say it as not been half as hard as I thought. When I was PG my DS still had a sleep so I would put my head down then. When my DD was born we had a lovely summer altogether and then DS started pre-school in the October so I get time with my DD. My DS loves his baby sister so much, and it is a mutual admiration society going on in this house.

clary · 17/03/2005 08:10

elliott sorry didn't see that message last night. IKWYM about feeling guilty - dd does 5 x mornigns at nursery school which means that on my "day off with the kids" I don't see her much. But I do believe it's worth it as she has come on so much (wonderful nursery!).
In general I don't think we shd worry about giving less time to the second (or third!) than the first. My 2 have learned so much from their big siblings and that has been invaluable. (my gaps are 2 yrs and 22 mo btw) And they know I love them and they love each other. I wouldn't have it any other way.

fastasleep · 17/03/2005 09:10

Just to add to the original question lol... How do you reckon someone would manage with a 20 month age gap between 2...without a car?

Clayhead · 17/03/2005 09:23

I have a 20 month age gap and, although I can drive, I rarely do. I used my double pushchair loads and now use a buggy board (18 months and 3 now).

I suppose it depends where you live, we don't have much public transport here but I live in a small town and can get most things on foot.

logic · 17/03/2005 09:29

I have a car, fastasleep, but I only drive about 600 miles a year! I walk everywhere that I can and I'm hoping that it'll be the same when the new baby is born. I've bought a buggyboard for ds to ride on.

JoolsToo · 17/03/2005 09:42

Hard but worth it! I had 3 under 5 at one time - now THAT was hard - but it was great cos they played together and they're still close now they're grown. Also they're off your hands sooner

Bozza · 17/03/2005 09:46

mama... if your DD is 2 already your age gap will be 3 years ish even if you fell pregnant straight away. So thats probably easier. It is harder with two children but the worst bit is the pregnancy IME. I was so tired and was lucky that DS loves reading - spent hours laid on the sofa reading to him. But then was working 3 days a week too and that was the real killer - working all day, commuting and then trying to give him time - usually ended up in the bath together at 7 pm! I kept him in nursery when DD was born because by that point he was eligible for nursery grant anyway and I felt he needed the stimulation. Now DD is 10 months and I do still feel to be juggling but as DS no longer naps that is his time with me (ie when DD is napping) and we do sticker books or painting etc, plus I take him to his swimming lesson on a Saturday morning. But the other day I did ask DH what I used to do with my time before DD was born.

TinyGang · 17/03/2005 10:10

Three years ago, dd was 3 and then twins arrived. I can't deny I feel I am only now emerging from the hardest 3 years of my life. There have been times when I have been struggling big time if I'm honest!

That is in no way a complaint about the children because they are all wonderful and no trouble.

It's just the sheer volume of work. Everything you do seems to involve endless to-ing and fro-ing clothes, shoes, buggies, drinks, strapping into car seats, nappies the list is endless. As for the washing and irorning - it's hotel proportions at times.

However, and I say this tentatively, things do at last seem to be getting easier. I get little bits of free (ish!) time now because of school and pre-school. Also because the children are becoming much more self sufficient. And probably because my ability to manage has improved too.

Can't deny it's been a very very tough call (and for dh too, who has been fantastic) but no I would never want to change it because the children are the best thing thats ever happened to us; even though I have a damn good moan about it all some days

cornishbird · 17/03/2005 10:30

fastasleep, I have a 20m age gap and do have a car but, like logic, don't use it much nowdays. Definately worth investing in good double pushchair tho. I have a great one & it means I can take 2 anywhere

PiccadillyCircus · 17/03/2005 10:47

Cornishbird, what sort of double buggy do you have? I will have a 22 month gap in September and need some inspiration.

cornishbird · 17/03/2005 11:06

PicadillyCircus, I have a phil & teds explorer 3 pushchair. It's the most amazing design (complicated to explain so would advise looking at website www.philandteds.com !) where essentially baby goes underneath toddler making it no wider than single pushchair. Also changes for 2 toddlers so will last forever..I hope! V light , folds away really small and easily. Need to buy seperate toddler seat which goes on top. Designed in NZ, I got mine from local babyshop should be UK stockists on site if you're interested. I looked at HEAPS of tandem & side by side ones but this really is the best. (and no, I don't work for them!!!)

cutekids · 17/03/2005 11:10

I had my 2nd child the day before my 1st child's first birthday and then had my 3rd child 4 days before my 2nd child's birthday...! i know everyone thought i was mad at the time but they are best buddies now-ok fight like cat and dog alot of the time too- but they really look after each other and i'm really glad they were all born so close together ("3 KIDS IN 2 YEARS"). love em all to buttons and look forward to first week in May cos it's like Christmas all over again....!

PiccadillyCircus · 17/03/2005 11:12

Thanks for that cornish bird - I have been thinking about a Phil and Teds one but think I may need to persuade DH. He thinks it looks as if the baby won't be able to see anything. There is also the price of course...

I think he might like a red one though.

charleepeters · 17/03/2005 11:14

I know how you feel mamadadawahwah im so broody but ds is only 6 months i know its probably sensible not to try again yet but its hard!

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