What would you do?

[kkgirl]

Am so fed up with the attitude of our kids.
DS2 aged 9 swore at his dad last night, and DD has just sworn at me. She has been nagging on about some chocolate my dad gave them on Thursday, asking me to find it, and when I didn't she started playing up, which is standing on our new leather sofa, on the arms, the top and kicking it, which really winds me up. I smacked her leg, because she is being a real pain, and then she swore at me. I ended up crying, because I regret smacking her, but am fed up with working so hard, to get some new stuff for the house, and the kids just have no respect for it or us.

Feel like we are too soft on them, and need to discipline more, not smacking though, but other punishments.

What would you do?

[kkgirl]

pschyomum

You've hit the nail on the head. What I need to do is change my behaviour. I should discipline them, and not just threaten it but do it, but I am soft and let them get away with it, and then it ends up like it has this morning.

Thanks scummymum for your comments. I must admit I was trying to slob out a bit this morning, haven't been well all week and have cold, cough and sinus trouble. DD obviously wanted my attention and I wasn't giving it. I know that it is my fault, but like I said she is relentless, and I guess I need some time on my own, don't we all.

I do appreciate all your comments, I am going to look through then, and change my behaviour, it must be the answer.

Thanks.

[psychomum5]

Please don't beat yourself up about this. Feel proud of the fact that you can admit that you are finding it hard to cope. There are many mums about (me included) who just won't admit they need advice and help. The fact that you posted on here is great. I really wish I had this type of support network when I was finding things hard with mine, Altho, that said, I have yet to hit the teens with any of them, so I may yet have a need to come here and vent my frustration.
I just hope I get good advice, and don't get knocked for doing what is essentially the hardest, sometimes most demoralising job in the whole world!!

Another tip with regards to your daughter....9yrs old is the first of the big hormone surges in girls, and it turns them into hideous beasts. She may be getting some now, and not knowing why, but feeling frustrted and anxious.

When my eldest hit 9, and was being evil, one tip a freind gave was to go out with just her occasionally, either shopping or just to a coffee shop for a girlie day. It made her feel really grown-up, and like I was treating her like a friend more than a daughter for a day. She really started to open up to me more too, and really chatted. I got to know more about her in that one day, than I had ever really given her credit for.

I also wrote her a letter telling her that as much as she was learning how to be a 9yr old, I was also learning how to be mummy to a 9yr old. I gave her permission to realise that mummy isn't always right, and that if she felt I was wrong, than just to tell me nicely, and together we can try to change things for the better. Also, that I would never condone her speaking badly to me, and that if she couldn't speak nicely, to go away and come back when she could.
This works even now, so I do hope it will continue, but seeing as my next daughter has just turned 9 in Feb, watch this space!!!!!

[emmatom]

If you're not fed up with all the advice by now, here's another bit to add to the pot!. You said yourself a couple of messages ago that you don't follow the threat through.
Does your daughter have a favourite item, activity? (If I ban my son from his computer, he knows I mean business). If so, let her know that thing/activity will be temporarily stopped if she goes off on one and if and when she does, you definitely ban the thing until the behaviour changes or an apology appears. Don't sort of ban it either. Definitely ban it and refuse to discuss compromises. If this is done, even once, she may get to see she is the one who suffers when she plays up, as you walk off coolly! Worth a try and good luck.