OMG, is this what life is going to be like?

[Flossam]

My friend has been here with her one year old. Naive I know but I can't believe how manic he is. He isn't ever told 'no', even when he is trying to pull the disc tray off of our xbox. He is allowed to pull out all of our cds and scatter them around the room, DP, tidy obsessive, tidied them back away, and she watched him do it again. This, obviously is only a couple of examples. I don't want to be a overly strict mum, but is this normal, and would not saying 'no' make life a little safer etc? Please tell me me and DS will be ok!!

I can't believe your friend, Floss! That is awful.

Here is my tuppenceworth. Some children are more inquisitive/determined/active than others. My ds1 would never sit quietly playing with toys. He wanted to investigate the real world (i.e. our stereo, wine rack etc). No amount of saying `no' and distraction made any difference (distraction would sometimes work briefly, but it had to be something VERY interesting, which basically meant not a toy. He only really started playing with toys when he was well over 1, before that only our things would do!). So, in our own house we locked away anything dangerous or precious. We left some ornaments and he knows he is not meant to play with them but he just waits till he thinks we are not looking and then he plays with them! Saying no all the time doesn't work well IME, it is best saved for when you really need it.

At other people's houses, I go armed with toys and books, usually something he hasn't seen for a while or something new (I keep some toys aside specially for visiting, and I might buy him a Thomas magazine for e.g.). I then supervise him very closely. I use distraction and physically take him away from things I don't want him to mess with. Sometimes he does interfere with other people's stuff when I have my back turned or I go to the loo or something (he once overturned a rather large plant at a friend's house...this was a friend with a toddler the same age so I guess her dd didn't bother with it). But I was suitably apologetic (I hope) and helped clear up.

Most children, however placid, are naturally inquisitive though I'm afraid. You just have to teach them the boundaries, learn to live with the chaos to an extent, and be vigilant.

I do waffle on don't I.

gingernut, at least you have the common decency to actually try to prevent your little one from misbehaving when over someone elses house

funnily enough, if a child came to my house and misbehaved, id be fine about it if i could see that the parent tried to prevent it, what pee's me off is when the parent just sits there! grrrr

Sorry bubbly, I started writing my essay before your post appeared! But, how do you follow it through? You've only described what you did when he first did touched the TV. What did you do when he did it again (and again, and again, and again ad infinitum!)?

My ds1 is pretty well-behaved these days BTW. He is 3 and knows that I mean what I say. We use the naughty step and other time out type techniques. But these don't work with a 1 year old.

I still go armed with things when we visit though...it's not fair on him if he's bored and it makes our life easier (and it means we might have a chance to talk to the people we're visiting).

Floss, it's not as bad as it might sound...toddlers are great fun too, and you get used to your changed life! And my ds1 is a ball of energy who's always looking for something to do (don't know where he got it from really...we never seem to have any energy, funnily enough!).

i would take something away from him for a bit

usually if i tell him no cbeebies that usually works,

admit to have given him a tap on the hand when he has been very naughty and 99.9 percent of the time what ever he got 'tapped' for, he has never done again

i know a lot of mums dont agree with this, but thats a debate for another thread, and since i dont like getting into deep heated debates i will not respond to anyone who posts to me telling me its wrong...its right for me and my family

im trying hard to remember back to when he was 1, if i remember rightly i had on occasions raised my voice in a stern manner, and i have distracted him, that usually did the trick

thinking about it my ds seems to be more of a livewire than an inquisitive child, if there was a toy in a room he would rather go for that than an interesting looking ornament....if there was a little boy in the room he would rather run around and play with him than a toy!

Thanks bubbly, I was just curious and always interested to hear other people's tips! ds1 is a livewire and inquisitive with it. On the upside, he is not really one for throwing tantrums and he is a good-natured little chap. I am wondering what we have in store for us with ds2 (14 weeks).

I have a 5 yr old dd and a 10 mo old ds (not properly moving yet - phew!), but have been on both sides of it. I think if you invite someone over with a one year old, you have to expect that there's a good chance that the child will be into everything. Also - it's up to you to be assertive too! It's possible the mum saw nothing wrong with him playing with cd's (sounds incredible I know). My friend still bring her dd's over, and lets them come upstairs and on to my couch with their shoes on - I have a no shoes policy in the house - so I just take their shoes off! She's been doing it for years - but just forgets because it's the way they behave at THEIR house. The next guest you have, may have a well behaved child who happens to be entertained by their toys - so good luck with that!!

gingernut, if i have another child, i may well have a very inquisitive child, i will be stuck then wont i

i will be on mumsnet asking for advice!!

just incase there are lurkers getting furious and saying 'theres nothing wrong with inquisitive children' i would like to say, of course theres nothing wrong with it, its healthy, if not a bit hard and difficult when out and about i would imagine, maybe im wrong, i wont know till im in that situation if ever im in it...babbling now,

My DS is 11 months old and he's very inquisitive (but very easily distracted, especially by a good toy!). He's also pretty persistent, so if there are things I don't want him to have, I put them out of reach and show him something more appropriate.

I'd second that it depends on the child's personality, but also on the mum - there's no way I'd let DS behave at someone else's as you describe your friend's child behaving in your house.

I think I probably have the potential to be pretty strict, but not in all things - good manners and respect are the important ones, as is kindness.

FWIW, I spent time with a mum who had a one-year-old just before I had DS and wondered how on earth she coped with being 'on' all the time. Now I'm there myself, I know the answer - you just do it! But there's a reason they're born helpless, they sleep a lot and don't move around much...it's to give you time to adjust to the time when they turn into strong whirlwinds with minds of their own

i can see what your saying goreousgirl, before i had ds when sil would come over i would always before hand try to make it child friendly, but they always found something that i never thought of moving

and i guess the kids usually are not as fault as if its acceptable in there house, then they wouldnt know that it perhaps isnt acceptable in someone elses

One year olds generally neither know nor care what is acceptable, and kids have to be constantly reminded about what is acceptable long past the age of two!

colditzmum, yeh your probably right, little shits dont give two hoots do they, inconsiderate tinkers!!! oh but how we love them so so much

Ooh Bubbly - you old romantic you!! I remember taking my dd at 11 mo to the aformentioned friends house. It was her dd's 1st b'day - and they had hot tea (pot,cups, sugar, lovely china etc) all lined up on low coffee tables - with about 10 adults in a small lounge. Her dd didn't move yet, and mine was crusing. i had the choice of her heading for the hot fireplace, or pulling the tablecloth/hot tea stuff on her, or playing with peoples outdoor shoes! Then to top it all her MIL said "can't you control your child?" I was fuming - I'd spent the last 2 bloody hours controlling my child and doing nothing else - grrr

err - cruising!

well in my first post to you i nearly typed 'gorgeousgirl'

is it a typo error, or did u mean to be called goreousgirl?

jeez, if thats what her mother thinks is a good idea of a birthday party she aint gonna get a lot of children attending in future!..

No - meant to be goreous....(I'm not the other)! I'm still great friends with her but haven't forgiven the MIL...

We have a good friend whose child has always been like that. It drives me crazy. As far as our own home, it is very baby-proofed so there's not much he can get to that would be off limits. In other peoples's homes he knows not to run wild and tear things up, etc. It is possible, but takes some work and the child's inherent temperament comes into play also.

They don't really understand no at that age and are a little like bulldozers. When I visit others I obviously try to prevent my children from doing any damage, but I have to say I prefr to go to peoples places who have prepared for children somewhat by at least moving some stuff away and baby proofing a little bit.

I have an active, curious little boy who is into everything but that's totally different to letting him run wild! I would never allow such behaviour, flossam. I would be shocked too! I use no and I also distract him especially in someone else's house.

Sure, the parent should control their children in other people?s homes and teach them to respect other peoples property but it can be stressful especially with more than one child to watch and when balancing a hot china cup of coffee with no mats in sight and only an antique "coffee table" in sight. I have a friend who has a house full of expensive antiques and expensive, fragile looking furnishings and I hate visiting. I spend the whole time stressing myself out trying to follow her conversation, juggling a hot cuppa and trying not to spill it while one child climbs on my knee and rushing around after the other while she builds castles with priceless ancient "artefacts". If you know you are having children to visit and they are of a different age group to your own, it seems only fair that you check your rooms for possible accidents waiting to happen and lift stuff out of the way. Equally, when visiting, parents should try to control their children and teach them to respect other?s belongings - but can be hard work when they are curious/more than one of them/so young that they don?t understand fully.
Flossam - I sympathise, I do really, esp. if she didn?t even make an effort to control him, but next time how about switching off the x box so he can?t open the tray and lifting up your CDs out of reach?

imo babies and children are naturally curious but to instill, and some of you might think this overboard, values of respect/possesion/honesty starts at a young age and if they learn whats theirs, whats not and what they can and cant touch at an early age surely that will standf to them as teenagers and adults too.

all too often when older children/teenagers who maybe hanging around doing nothing, smoking, you know what i mean, kinda idle, its the parents who get blamed,
i feel that if children are actively encouraged in the home to be proactive as toddlers this will have a big benefit in later years.

my toddler does not pull cd's out or dvds or magazines or books for that matter, she carefully pulls them out if they want to see them, they are not banned items but just things that haveto be handled differently to toys.

I haven't read all the replies BUT ....
I have made a point of never baby proofing my house (apart from electric sockets and bleach cupboard) and have found, both with DS when he was a baby and now DD, that as a result they don't wreck other people's houses because 'stuff' isn't a novelty. For example, as DD has been able to take the cds out of the cd rack, when we are at other people's houses she doesn't see them as anything special and so it isn't an issue.
I have a friend who has an absolutely pristine house (her children have grown up and left home) and she always comments on how good DD is and never wrecks her bookshelves etc unlike other friends' babies ....

I don't feel I should have to completely rearrange my whole house just to have a friend to stay! He would have just found other things to destroy. This morning we lost a whole box of taglietalle over the kitchen floor, and my friend informed me that he had great fun with our tissues, she had watched him playing with them, that it had kept him amused and still for two minutes. They were all over our floor in the lounge. He was rough with DS, he has a red eye from possibly where this boy bashed him with a bin.

I am just sooo pssed off, really. I feel like the whole house was taken over, she stayed two nights over when she was supposed to, and didn't contribute in any way to her stay (ie, helping with washing up, food other than a half loaf of bread). She was happy to hold us up sorting herself out during outings when DS was upset, yet the other way round she would literally run making it hard for us to keep up . I know I'm rambling but I have just found it unbelievably stressful having everything taken over! Now I have food all on the kitchen surfaces that were moved out of his way, stains to remove from the carpet, ornaments to put back and just generally a whole shthole to sort out.

iti s up to you to set the limits - and if you don't like it in your house then you should tell your friend to try and control him a bit more.

None of my 3 would have been allowed to do that sort of thing - particularly in someone else's house.

I hoped she would get the hint when I asked about whether she told him no. But needless to say she didn't!!

I think that at 1 year old this is pretty par for the course and you can't expect rigid discipline at this age.

By 18 months upwards you can expect more compliance with the word 'no'